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pre baby jitters!? normal?! :/

coffey2be23coffey2be23 member
in Babies on the Brain

Hi girls! I'm Megan, new to the board and to the whole baby world. My husband and I have been talking babies for a few months now (been married almost 4 1/2 years).  I went in to see my dr. last week- started prenatal and am stopping the pill. This will be our first baby- AHHH! Thus the nerves....

Here is my current (very excited/confused/freaked out) mental state:

1. I'm 50/50 on "is this the right time?"- everyone says there is no right time but I feel like there should be! I need more black and white answers! :)

2. I've decided to try staying home with our baby but have VERY mixed emotions on that as I'm a teacher and can't imagine my life without what I do (but also can't imagine doing what I do WITH a baby... I teach Kindergarten).  So when I think of having a baby I associate it with leaving my passion- which is hard. Any thoughts from stay at home moms?

3. I'm excited about having a baby but am very nervous and anxious about the process (like I was about getting married- I wanted to be married but was scared to get engaged and go through the process)-  basically, as my husband says- I have major issues with change. haha :)

Any thoughts or advice? Thanks for your support girls- nice to meet you all!

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Re: pre baby jitters!? normal?! :/

  • normandyn7normandyn7 member
    Having a baby is a huge decision. You are lucky in the aspect that you are planning one. I got pregnant unexpectedly a month after getting married. I wish I would have waited for the same reasons. I just started graduate school, I want a better job (I'm a waitress...yuck), we were looking to buy our first house, and I wanted to get a family car. Plus I wanted us to enjoy our first year of marriage together. I don't regret it, and now that Alec is here I wouldn't trade it for the world but I was definitely thrown into the whole thing.

    Pregnancy was not what I expected and I had no idea what to expect. I had a rough pregnancy (pre-term labor at 26 weeks, put on bed rest, and diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 28 weeks). I had rough third trimester and was just super uncomfortable. Pregnancy just was not what I expected. I wish I could have prepared myself for it.

    As for the stay at home mom thing, I don't know. I was on bed rest for 3 months and couldn't work and I went crazy. I went back to work when Alec was 4 weeks old and it felt great. I love my baby but it was nice to get away. I only work 3 days a week so I'm not full time. But that is another personal decision that you and your husband have to make. In my opinion some women are made to stay at home with kids and others aren't. Just don't do anything that you'll regret later or might cause issues later on. I'm going to school to become a counselor and it's what I love to do so I wouldn't want to stop that. But that's just my personal feeling.

    The Bump helped me through my pregnancy because there are so many knowledgeable women on here and especially the women who are second-time mom's. Whenever I had a question I came here first and normally found the answer and got great advice.

    Hopefully it all works out for you! Good luck!

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  • maebememaebeme member
    Congrats on starting TTC! We're just starting too :)

    Like you, I'm very nervous about staying at home when we have a little one. I'm a graphic designer so my trade is much more flexible than being a teacher is, but I don't want to sit at home and do design work either. Haha. I was thinking that to keep me sane I'd probably do part time design work, find mommy groups, and just make sure I'm out and doing things. I can always bring the little with me. :)

    Maybe being a stay at home mom is only temporary for you or maybe you'll fall in love with it. :) Good luck either way!
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  • obxlaurakobxlaurak member
    I think if you are nervous about being a FT SAHM, don't tell your place of employment that that is an option until you make the decision.  Take your maternity leave, see how it goes.  You may just "KNOW", you know?

    Ideally, I'd love to work part time and am hoping that we can swing it. Is this an option for you?  Best of both worlds!
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  • mwhipple77mwhipple77 member
    I can't answer the stay at home mom aspect of your question as I will be going back to work when my daughter is born in 3 weeks.  But I can tell you your other questions are completely normal.  My due date is 3 weeks from today and I still question if the timing is right.  :-)  I shared my nervous and anxious feelings with a friend and was told that is very normal...if I didn't have those feelings, that is when people should be worried.  This is a huge life changer, so thinking things through is very important.  I would say if you made the decision to talk to your doctor about it and are taking prenatals and went off the pill, then there is a part of you that knows you are ready.

    I'm a strong believer that everything happens for a reason, which is why when I got pregnant much quicker than me and my husband expected (I was nervous about getting married as well, but it was both of our second marriages and I said I'd never get married again!), the shock was pretty overwhelming, but we moved past that stage pretty quickly!

    Good luck!
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  • meredygwmeredygw member
    I definitely understand where you are coming from on this. 
    Our son was a surprise a month after getting married so we had no time to plan. Unlike yourself I have not been lucky enough to find a job that is my passion, but I didn't want to put all financial pressure on my husband, who owns his own business so his monthly income varies. 
    My decision on staying home vs. working was made MUCH easier by finding a family friend/relative to watch our son. I do not think I could have handed my 6 week old over to a stranger. We got very lucky and talked a family friend who was a stay at home wife, into a trial period of watching our son. She fell in love with him and spoils him rotten on a daily bases. He loves her and loves going to see her. (Plus she doesn't charge us much) I do not know if anything like this is an option for you, but I promise if you can find someone you trust and know to watch your baby, that might help make your decision to go back to work easier. 
    You are very lucky to have found your passion for a job. I would love to have that! 
    :)
    Good luck!!
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  • SmileyJaySmileyJay member
    You and I are a lot alike! I have issues with change and in most aspects of life my motto is "if it ain't broke don't fix it". Our life is super happy and I am so content. We very much want a child, but I worry about what a big change that will be for our family. For years it never felt right, but lately it has started to feel like someone is missing. Do you know what I mean? And I know it will just be 10x stronger around the holidays. 

    Our situation is a little less ideal because I would very much like to be a stay at home mom but it's not possible for me to not be working right now. With two incomes we can easily save money, pay all the bills, and afford a baby... I have great insurance and should be able to work out a flexible schedule to avoid full time daycare. It's hard because I know if I wait just 4-5 years, we will be able for me to stay home, but I do not want to be 28 having my first child. We are emotionally ready now and have a lot to offer our first child... but I wish I could offer the whole world!

    As far as rather to stay home or go to work - with your credentials I bet you could find a great part time job at a child care center. Usually you will be able to get discounted for free care for your own child. Then you could have the best of both worlds! Or perhaps you could start an after school program for children in your home, or offer in home day care for a few children. It would be extra income but also allow you to interact with more children. 

    Others have suggested making the decision after the baby comes. That might work for you but I know I have to figure things out in advance. Don't let the decision be based on emotions - in the first few weeks you won't be able to imagine not staying home. Just make a logical decision based on what is best for you and your family. 
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  • coffey2be23coffey2be23 member
    You girls are seriously amazing. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your responses!!! I feel better already!!! THANK YOU...!! Hope I can return the favor!
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  • AlanaB2010AlanaB2010 member
    I know I'm chiming in late, but I just wanted to say you are so not alone!  We are in the exact same spot - just off the pill, waiting to TTC until it's out of my system, just....waiting and thinking and overthinking.  It is hugely overwhelming.  I'm probably less of a kid person than you are (judging by your job! :)) and have been really on the fence.  I agree that if you feel excited in some capacity and you have been thinking about it and you are planning, then go for it.  But it doesn't mean we won't keep being nervous - fortunately these boards are here for support!

    I'm also going to have to head back to work about 3 months after the baby is born so can't speak to staying at home - but I know that wouldn't be for me.  I'd say the best advice is what others have said - take it a step at a time, and don't tell your employer prematurely.  Maybe you can stay home for 6 months and then take a half time position.
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