Co-Ed Baby Shower

olivj100 · October 2013

My husband wants to be as involved in everything baby as he can be which i LOVE and consider myself very lucky for this fact. He suggested to me that he wanted to do a co-ed shower because he was so excited about our little boy joining our family he wanted to share his joy with the world. I thought this was a cute idea because why should i get to have all the fun when its his son too...

I was talking to my sister-in-law who is more than generous enough to throw us a shower about the idea of it being co-ed. She HATES that idea she said it was tacky and not traditional....No one on his side of the family thinks its a good idea however my family loves they idea and my brothers are a little jealous they didn't think of it for their kids.

Should i try and get her to change her mind on it or leave it alone since she is nice enough to throw us one in the first place?

olivj100 · October 2013

That's what i was thinking too but i didn't want to to upset my husband too. Thanks for the advice

EastCoastBride · October 2013

I agree- it's her call. Remember, co-ed means double the guest list.

If someone on you rside offers a shower, you could have a co-ed shower for your family and she can throw a traditional shower for DHs side.

ordinary1 · October 2013

It's her call. Since she is hosting, she gets to decide.

dufferoo · October 2013

Agree with the others. This may just have to be the first of several things baby that he just doesn't get to participate in!

mommyton&e · October 2013

When I had my shower with my first, my DH, my dad, uncle and a bunch of our guy friends went to a local restaurant for wings/apps. They had a great time celebrating on their own.

RibbitGrl930 · October 2013

Agree with the others- she gets to decide since she's footing the bill. It might be okay for him, as a compromise, to come toward the end for gift opening. I know many FTBs who will arrive for that part, or just to load gifts into the car and thank everybody. I'd run that option by your SIL once, and if she balks, then drop it.

Unknown · October 2013

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Mrodriguez898 · October 2013

I agree it's her call as the hostess but I have gone to baby showers that were coed. I've never to bee to one that was all women.

ktpaladino · October 2013

I agree it's the call of the hostess. However, while it is not considered traditional, there is certainly nothing TACKY about a co-ed shower. They are becoming more common these days. The past 4 baby showers I've been to were co-ed. My mom hosted my shower and gave me the option and we decided to try it. The guys actually had a blast! We had the men compete in a really funny chug the beer from a baby bottle contest that had everyone rolling on the floor with laughter. It was a good time. From what I can remember, my mom offered to make it co-ed only after she had gotten a few declined invites and she knew her budget could accommodate the guys. You do have to consider that your hostess is paying the bill and it may be a matter of finances for her too. If DH still really wants to be involved, maybe ask your hostess if just he could attend to share in the gift opening with you, or maybe DH would be willing to cover the cost of any fellas invited? Well I'm sure it's going to be a beautiful shower no matter what she decides! GL and have fun!

ordinary1 · October 2013

ktpaladino said:
I agree it's the call of the hostess. However, while it is not considered traditional, there is certainly nothing TACKY about a co-ed shower. They are becoming more common these days. The past 4 baby showers I've been to were co-ed. My mom hosted my shower and gave me the option and we decided to try it. The guys actually had a blast! We had the men compete in a really funny chug the beer from a baby bottle contest that had everyone rolling on the floor with laughter. It was a good time. From what I can remember, my mom offered to make it co-ed only after she had gotten a few declined invites and she knew her budget could accommodate the guys. You do have to consider that your hostess is paying the bill and it may be a matter of finances for her too. If DH still really wants to be involved, maybe ask your hostess if just he could attend to share in the gift opening with you, or maybe DH would be willing to cover the cost of any fellas invited? Well I'm sure it's going to be a beautiful shower no matter what she decides! GL and have fun!

Do NOT offer any money, whether it is from you or your H. A shower is a gift and if your host doesn't want a co-Ed shower then you don't get a co-Ed shower. If you offer money you are saying, thanks for your gift but I decided I want a better version so I will pay the difference, it's rude.

ktpaladino · October 2013

ordinary1 said:

ktpaladino said:
I agree it's the call of the hostess. However, while it is not considered traditional, there is certainly nothing TACKY about a co-ed shower. They are becoming more common these days. The past 4 baby showers I've been to were co-ed. My mom hosted my shower and gave me the option and we decided to try it. The guys actually had a blast! We had the men compete in a really funny chug the beer from a baby bottle contest that had everyone rolling on the floor with laughter. It was a good time. From what I can remember, my mom offered to make it co-ed only after she had gotten a few declined invites and she knew her budget could accommodate the guys. You do have to consider that your hostess is paying the bill and it may be a matter of finances for her too. If DH still really wants to be involved, maybe ask your hostess if just he could attend to share in the gift opening with you, or maybe DH would be willing to cover the cost of any fellas invited? Well I'm sure it's going to be a beautiful shower no matter what she decides! GL and have fun!
Do NOT offer any money, whether it is from you or your H. A shower is a gift and if your host doesn't want a co-Ed shower then you don't get a co-Ed shower. If you offer money you are saying, thanks for your gift but I decided I want a better version so I will pay the difference, it's rude.

Yeah, I agree to the principal of this, but I think it depends on who your hostess is and what kind of relationship you have with them too. I also thought of the fact that the space you are having the shower simply might not be able to accommodate the extra male guests, so finances aside, there could be other logistical reasons why it can't be co-ed. So, a lot to think about! Honestly though, if your hostess has already expressed such a strong dislike for co-ed showers, I would probably only have the convo one more time and not be too pushy about it. You'll have a great time regardless!

Unknown · October 2013

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JenW1029 · October 2013

I disagree with the majority of the opinions. Regardless if she's the hostess if you want a co-ed shower she should adjust... The big caveat to this is that I have always picked up the cost of my own showers. My best friends have a great time planning but I remove the financial stress of the shower by ensuring I pay for food, beverages, rental space, etc. I had my wedding shower at a wine bar, wrote the check directly to the facility for $500 bucks and let my best friends have a ball planning. At that point they could careless who's invited.

RibbitGrl930 · October 2013

JenW1029 said:

I disagree with the majority of the opinions. Regardless if she's the hostess if you want a co-ed shower she should adjust... The big caveat to this is that I have always picked up the cost of my own showers. My best friends have a great time planning but I remove the financial stress of the shower by ensuring I pay for food, beverages, rental space, etc. I had my wedding shower at a wine bar, wrote the check directly to the facility for $500 bucks and let my best friends have a ball planning. At that point they could careless who's invited.

My parents gave me $400 cash as a birthday gift. There's way more than $400 of stuff I'd like to buy, so, by your logic, they should have "adjusted," right?

EastCoastBride · October 2013

JenW1029 said:

I disagree with the majority of the opinions. Regardless if she's the hostess if you want a co-ed shower she should adjust... The big caveat to this is that I have always picked up the cost of my own showers. My best friends have a great time planning but I remove the financial stress of the shower by ensuring I pay for food, beverages, rental space, etc. I had my wedding shower at a wine bar, wrote the check directly to the facility for $500 bucks and let my best friends have a ball planning. At that point they could careless who's invited.

WTF? Her sister is throwing the party - it's her sisters BUDGET that matters here. Fine, YOU paid for your showers (that's a whole other topic), but that is not the norm. Co-ed = more guests. If her sister can't afford that, no, her sister doesn't have to "adjust".

A shower is a GIFT. Yes, you'd hope that most hosts will try to work w/ the MTB to give her a shower she'd really enjoy. But that doesn't give the MTB carte blanche to just do whatever she wants/invite however many people she wants. AND essentially spend the hosts money. it's still the HOSTS party.

olivj100 · October 2013

Thank you all so much for your comments. My DH and i talked about it and we decided to drop the subject and my dad is going to take him out for a guys night with his friends so its kinda of the best of both worlds. I loved the idea...but i love my SIL more. I'm sure it will be perfect either way!

Thank you guys again!!

Unknown · October 2013

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JenW1029 · October 2013

You girls are ridiculous - and reading way to far into this. I simply don't think that friends should pickup the cost for MY shower. They are not in the financial situation to cover the cost - so to be able to fund the shower and have them have a blast to plan it was very nice of me. I was taking their personal situation into consideration. Why would I want to add stress to them for a child that I'm choosing to have. Most people would be grateful and you're all being catty bitches. If you want to expand your shower and invite who you want than foot the bill and shut up!

Clearly you're all greedy and don't mind spending your friends money. I however think it's inappropriate for people to spend their dollars on a child that I'm choosing to bring into the world.

When is the last time you have considered others --- sounds like it's been a while!

EastCoastBride said:

JenW1029 said:

I disagree with the majority of the opinions. Regardless if she's the hostess if you want a co-ed shower she should adjust... The big caveat to this is that I have always picked up the cost of my own showers. My best friends have a great time planning but I remove the financial stress of the shower by ensuring I pay for food, beverages, rental space, etc. I had my wedding shower at a wine bar, wrote the check directly to the facility for $500 bucks and let my best friends have a ball planning. At that point they could careless who's invited.

WTF? Her sister is throwing the party - it's her sisters BUDGET that matters here. Fine, YOU paid for your showers (that's a whole other topic), but that is not the norm. Co-ed = more guests. If her sister can't afford that, no, her sister doesn't have to "adjust".

A shower is a GIFT. Yes, you'd hope that most hosts will try to work w/ the MTB to give her a shower she'd really enjoy. But that doesn't give the MTB carte blanche to just do whatever she wants/invite however many people she wants. AND essentially spend the hosts money. it's still the HOSTS party.

Unknown · October 2013

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mypreciouscargos · October 2013

I think it's awesome that your hubs want to be a part of the shower. Shoot your SIL a casual email and show her some of these baby shower couples card and let her know its normal to have have a couple shower. Or do some searches on couple showers and you'll see a lot of examples like these. If she still doesn't want it, then I wouldn't push it since she's doing the shower. I saw this cute card, how can you resist?

Unknown · October 2013

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shaunessa · October 2013

Bliss+Berry said:

JenW1029 said:

You girls are ridiculous - and reading way to far into this. I simply don't think that friends should pickup the cost for MY shower. They are not in the financial situation to cover the cost - so to be able to fund the shower and have them have a blast to plan it was very nice of me. I was taking their personal situation into consideration. Why would I want to add stress to them for a child that I'm choosing to have. Most people would be grateful and you're all being catty bitches. If you want to expand your shower and invite who you want than foot the bill and shut up!
Clearly you're all greedy and don't mind spending your friends money. I however think it's inappropriate for people to spend their dollars on a child that I'm choosing to bring into the world.
When is the last time you have considered others --- sounds like it's been a while!

Keep patting yourself on the back for your sheer stupidity and lack of basic etiquette. A shower is a gift, not an entitlement. If no one offers to throw you one, you don't get one. You don't throw yourself a party and invite people to bring you gifts. If you are footing the bill, that's exactly what you've done, you're just trying to hide it with fake hostesses.

No one here was catty or bitchy, just honest. Clearly you are too ridiculous to understand the difference and feel the need to be childish and namecall. Get over yourself.

Hmmm..."there is no helping this level of stupid."

EastCoastBride · October 2013

msspeedymarie said:

JenW1029 said:

You girls are ridiculous - and reading way to far into this. I simply don't think that friends should pickup the cost for MY shower. They are not in the financial situation to cover the cost - so to be able to fund the shower and have them have a blast to plan it was very nice of me. I was taking their personal situation into consideration. Why would I want to add stress to them for a child that I'm choosing to have. Most people would be grateful and you're all being catty bitches. If you want to expand your shower and invite who you want than foot the bill and shut up!
Clearly you're all greedy and don't mind spending your friends money. I however think it's inappropriate for people to spend their dollars on a child that I'm choosing to bring into the world.
When is the last time you have considered others --- sounds like it's been a while!

Says the woman who is throwing her own party to get people to spend their own money to buy her gifts. I'm wading hip-deep in hypocrisy here.

Seriously! "I don't want people to spend money on me, but I'm going to throw a party for myself where the point is for people to spend money on me.".

Yup, makes total sense....

Oh, no, wait... JenW - you're going to tell us that it's not about the presents, right? You just want all these people to come and celebrate that baby. Right? Please.... come and tell us this. I can't wait....

RibbitGrl930 · October 2013

JenW1029 said:

You girls are ridiculous - and reading way to far into this. I simply don't think that friends should pickup the cost for MY shower. They are not in the financial situation to cover the cost - so to be able to fund the shower and have them have a blast to plan it was very nice of me. I was taking their personal situation into consideration. Why would I want to add stress to them for a child that I'm choosing to have. Most people would be grateful and you're all being catty bitches. If you want to expand your shower and invite who you want than foot the bill and shut up!
Clearly you're all greedy and don't mind spending your friends money. I however think it's inappropriate for people to spend their dollars on a child that I'm choosing to bring into the world.
When is the last time you have considered others --- sounds like it's been a while!

Holy crap, this is rich. A shower is a gift, not a right. None of the ladies here are suggesting any MTB expect anybody to pay for a shower. Quite the opposite. MTB's should expect nothing and be grateful for anything and everything. To suggest that it is considerate to pay for your own shower actually reeks of the attitude that this is something to which you are entitled and that your family and friends owe you. It's not. Anybody who offers to throw one is (hopefully) doing it out of love and will do so within the constraints of their own budget. It is not an imposition to accept such an offer, and the delusion that one is being considerate by throwing her own shower is just an invention by someone desperate for justifications for being tacky and rude.

Meery82 · October 2013

Darbie914 said:

shaunessa said:

Bliss+Berry said:

JenW1029 said:

You girls are ridiculous - and reading way to far into this. I simply don't think that friends should pickup the cost for MY shower. They are not in the financial situation to cover the cost - so to be able to fund the shower and have them have a blast to plan it was very nice of me. I was taking their personal situation into consideration. Why would I want to add stress to them for a child that I'm choosing to have. Most people would be grateful and you're all being catty bitches. If you want to expand your shower and invite who you want than foot the bill and shut up!
Clearly you're all greedy and don't mind spending your friends money. I however think it's inappropriate for people to spend their dollars on a child that I'm choosing to bring into the world.
When is the last time you have considered others --- sounds like it's been a while!

Keep patting yourself on the back for your sheer stupidity and lack of basic etiquette. A shower is a gift, not an entitlement. If no one offers to throw you one, you don't get one. You don't throw yourself a party and invite people to bring you gifts. If you are footing the bill, that's exactly what you've done, you're just trying to hide it with fake hostesses.

No one here was catty or bitchy, just honest. Clearly you are too ridiculous to understand the difference and feel the need to be childish and namecall. Get over yourself.

Hmmm..."there is no helping this level of stupid."

:-/

She's just trying to stir up shit, as usual.

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