Creepy guy! WDYT? - small update

ScarlettDahlia · October 2013

I posted the night I took one of my midterms about this creepy guy in my class. He asked the general area where I live after we got partnered up for a big assignment. I told him I lived in the neighborhood near this huge cemetery and he was like "I bought a house over there this summer! I'm going to have to figure out where you live." Ummm, no you don't dude.

I emailed him my part of the assignment and asked him to email me back with any changes he thought we needed to make. Well, he emailed me yesterday during the day and asked if he could just drop off the assignment at my house and was like, "your address is ______ right?" I didn't see that email until I left work and replied to him with "No, please email me the changes as I said in my email to you."

I get home and there's a big envelope on the front porch with the notes in it. So this creep guy was at my house and knows where I live! He seriously makes me so uncomfortable. I'm really thinking that I might approach my instructor and ask her if I can just complete the assignment on my own. Do you think that's overreacting?

In class, he's taken up sitting in the seat right next to me (despite there being 2 empty seats at the other side of the table). He fumbles with his pants zipper during class. And he just really gives me the creeps. Now that he's figured out where I live, I'm just even more squicked out by him. Who the hell challenges themselves to find out where a classmate lives? And then instead of waiting for a response, just goes over to their house unannounced?

----

After all the responses, I decided to send him an email. This is what I wrote:

"In the future, please do not come by my house. I would prefer all communications regarding class to be done through email".

I'll keep you ladies updated on if he responds.

I think I'll be sitting closer to the front of the room during class tomorrow night and will bring it up with the instructor just in case. I think I'm going to give her a call and see if I can meet with her before class or just stay a little later tomorrow night.

bethughknee · October 2013

YES SAY SOMETHING TO YOUR INSTRUCTOR. Holy crap. This is seriously freaky. I'm halfway to saying file a police report so you start a paper trail. What did your H say about this? Please keep this updated.

[Deleted User] · October 2013

I always say follow your instinct and don't second guess yourself. Do what you think is right. If he gives you the creeps, inform the teacher and tell the creeper guy that what he did was over the line, he is not welcome near your house and I would change my seat in class. If it persists, I would have no problem calling the cops and getting an Order of Protection against this guy! Your safety comes first! Please please take care of yourself and be safe!

km_md · October 2013

Wow, that is really creepy. I would not be comfortable working with this person either and I would definitely think about speaking to the instructor. I would hate knowing that someone knows where I live, especially when I didn't tell them. I don't really have any advice, I'm just really sorry that you're going through this.

silentsiren11 · October 2013

I would talk to your instructor.

csandroo · October 2013

Yeah that's weird as hell ... Do you think he will be set off by you not working with him anymore? I wouldn't want to piss someone off who knows where I live and is that f'in weird .... So maybe you could just finish the project and never respond to him again after this class. Do you think he's dangerous or just strange but harmless?

Unknown · October 2013

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ScarlettDahlia · October 2013

bethughknee said:

YES SAY SOMETHING TO YOUR INSTRUCTOR. Holy crap. This is seriously freaky. I'm halfway to saying file a police report so you start a paper trail. What did your H say about this? Please keep this updated.

I told him the night we got assigned as partners that this guy told me he was going to figure out where we live and DH wasn't really concerned. Once he saw the envelope, he was like "how did this guy know where we live?" I had to remind him that he told me he was going to figure it out and he obviously did.

I made DH go out front to take the dog out with me the few times we went out. And I usually am the one who takes her for walks, so I don't know about keeping up with that now that he knows where we live.

ScarlettDahlia · October 2013

carisue143 said:

Yeah that's weird as hell ... Do you think he will be set off by you not working with him anymore? I wouldn't want to piss someone off who knows where I live and is that f'in weird .... So maybe you could just finish the project and never respond to him again after this class. Do you think he's dangerous or just strange but harmless?

I brought up how creeped out I was by him to one of my classmates and she was like "oh, he's harmless". So I don't know if he really is dangerous or if he's just strange.

ScarlettDahlia · October 2013

wilburbud said:

First move is to really put some walls between you guys. If he sits next to you, I wouldn't hesitateto get up and move. If he questions you, just flat out say dude, there are 50 other chairs in this room and you had to sit RIGHT next to me- your crowding me. Don't be so nice to him. Stop worrying about hurting feelings or being polite. If he doesn't get the hint, tell the prof.

You're right. I really need to stop being polite. I think I'm going to start sitting in a different seat in class anyways.

I also still have to email the assignment back to him (we're negotiating a contract and have to turn the completed contract in tomorrow). I'm going to include a note saying something like "Please only correspond with me regarding this assignment via email. Stopping by my house is unacceptable"

ccip82 · October 2013

I agree with PPs. This does sounds very creepy. My advice would be to explain what happened to your instructor and like wilburbud suggested start putting up immediate walls with this guy. Hopefully, he will get the message. If not I would not hesitate in taking further action. Also, I would document everything that has happened so far and continue to do so. It will be really helpful in case you need it in the future.

I am sorry you have to deal with this!

Arrgcr · October 2013

carisue143 said:
Yeah that's weird as hell ... Do you think he will be set off by you not working with him anymore? I wouldn't want to piss someone off who knows where I live and is that f'in weird .... So maybe you could just finish the project and never respond to him again after this class. Do you think he's dangerous or just strange but harmless?

I thought of this too. Especially if he is mentally unstable. Sometimes if you 'spurn' their advances (in their eyes) they will make it their personal challenge to break out the scary.

Just watch for dead animals on your porch. Jeez. The zipper part scares the crap out of me. (Besides him being a total creep to you.) You got me worried.

Also, make sure you are never alone with him. Ever. Even if he wants to meet up in public, drag a male along with you. (DH, bro, cousin, whatever.)

Please keep us updated. Gosh. If you have a cop friend have him do a freaking background check.

ScarlettDahlia · October 2013

benjaminsmommy16 said:

That's weird. I'd try to do the assignment on my own and let the teacher know. Keep your doors locked! Doesn't this guy know you are married, or does he just not care?

I talk about my husband with another classmate. And I have my wedding ring on. I just don't think he really cares.

lolinshag · October 2013

Dies he know you got the package yet? If not i would act like i never got it just to throw hiim off a bit. Maybe he is looking for confirmation that you live there? Either way, at the very least say something to the prof. Maybe even let campus security know if yoy are not comfortable involving the police yet, but you do start a paper trail. And like the PP said, if he sits by you, be rude and move!

JuliaH21 · October 2013

I'm watching Stalkers on netflix this morning as I'm reading this....

This guy is definitely creepy. And seems to be pushing boundaries, maybe to see how far he can push them, or maybe because he has other problems, but it's not okay either way and seems controlling.

I agree with PP that you should put up walls, I don't think there is any point in being polite (and at this point politeness would probably be taken as giving in to his control attempts and generally being okay with it). I'd also start a paper trail as others said and I'd probably contact police at least to see what you can do now, what you'd need to do if this guy keeps harassing you.

alinafed · October 2013

This is so inappropriate and downright scary, as all the other PPs have said! It is not normal to take it upon yourself to find out where someone lives, anyone let alone a classmate. I wonder if he is trying to show you that he found out where you live, its way easier to send something by email than leave a package so I wonder what his purpose was. Maybe he is testing your limits like if you don't tell him off for finding your house, it must mean you are OK with him continuing to be creepy and pursue you... I think a lot of weirdos find signs like that to convince themselves that you are happy with what they are doing.

As awkward as it is I think you really need to be firm with him now. You can approach your instructor but I also think you need to tell him his behaviour makes you uncomfortable. What a weirdo, you have a baby on the way!

lmills730 · October 2013

OMG. I would be entirely freaked out. How on earth did he figure out WHICH house was yours even if he knew which neighborhood it was?? I would definitely tell your instructor....

gina0485 · October 2013

Scarlett, you definitely need to speak up! This is so creepy. I'd let your instructor know, and furthermore, email the guy to let him know that you are not comfortable with the level of interaction due to being married and that you want to be sure the exchanges between the two of you are strictly 'professional'. Make a point to say that this means you prefer to keep assignment exchanges and discussions electronic and that you do not want him stopping by the house under any circumstances. This way you have documentation (Especially if emailed) that you are NOT comfortable with him stopping by your house or sitting next to you, etc. It needs to be very, very clear to him that he's out of line. Some men are literally just that stupid (or creepy).

If after you speak with him and the instructor he continues to make you uncomfortable, I'd suggest letting the instructor know again and telling her that you want no further communication with this individual. I am not sure legally that you have much grounds for doing anything more than this until you tell him to leave you alone and he crosses the line by continuing to contact or harass you. Also let your husband know and keep your house locked. CREEPY.

peanutmuse · October 2013

I'm glad you said something. I think letting him know is the appropriate first step, because perhaps he is just socially awkward and doesn't realize that he's crossing a line. But definitely mention it to your instructor too, because if this guy has any history of this type of thing, perhaps it will come to light and can be appropriately addressed.

OSUWifey09 · October 2013

I'm glad you sent him that little bit about not coming to your house in your email; that is way, way creepy and unacceptable. I would definitely mention it to your professor, because he's starting to cross a line.

stellar77 · October 2013

Just catching up but holy hell. You definitely need to inform your instructor and even address it with the Dean.

Please keep us updated, but definitely don't shrug this off.

caraconner · October 2013

100% agree.
Start your paper trail now!!
He could be harmless, but he could be perverted. How did he narrow down which house is yours?? Watching you? Looking for your car? CREEPY!!

Kvochka said:
I always say follow your instinct and don't second guess yourself. Do what you think is right. If he gives you the creeps, inform the teacher and tell the creeper guy that what he did was over the line, he is not welcome near your house and I would change my seat in class. If it persists, I would have no problem calling the cops and getting an Order of Protection against this guy! Your safety comes first! Please please take care of yourself and be safe!

caraconner · October 2013

People thought Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy were "harmless" too.

ScarlettDahlia said:

carisue143 said:

Yeah that's weird as hell ... Do you think he will be set off by you not working with him anymore? I wouldn't want to piss someone off who knows where I live and is that f'in weird .... So maybe you could just finish the project and never respond to him again after this class. Do you think he's dangerous or just strange but harmless?

I brought up how creeped out I was by him to one of my classmates and she was like "oh, he's harmless". So I don't know if he really is dangerous or if he's just strange.

ashleywiz · October 2013

That would not sit well with me at all! I feel all heeby-geeby right now. I hope you say something to your instructor tonight- he can at least help you put some distance in the classroom/take you off the project with him.

Even if he is "harmless," it still makes you uncomfortable and clearly if he isn't scary creepy weirdo- he's definitely in the realm of needing some serious socialization/ lessons on what is acceptable or not. I'm glad you sent that message. Stay firm with your feelings about it and don't let worrying about how it will make him feel concern you.

ababymaybe · October 2013

I tend to be a weirdo magnet (or used to be, anyway) and I do NOT think you are overreacting.

Listen to your gut. Ditto what everyone said about distancing too. Sometimes guys like this interpret any nicety as interest.

Ugh. I feel for you. I've been there and it is not fun. Hope he takes a hint soon.

McGuireMommy · October 2013

OMG! Who does that!?!? You have every right to be creeped out. Talk to the instructor & maybe move to a more crowded table in class?

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