Secondary IF
Mrs.Ess
member
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Feelings of guilt? Long..
Mrs.Ess
member
Hi everyone. I mostly lurk but my super fertile (snarky but true) friends really don't understand what I'm going through and I am starting to feel like I have no one to talk to.
Last night one of my good friends who is trying for her first told me she just had a miscarriage. Basically she got an early positive, betas didn't double and they said she lost the baby. I feel so sad for her and her husband. The problem is, deep down I am jealous that they got pregnant on their second cycle. She lost the baby so I can't even understand why I would still feel this way but I do and I hate it. IF has made me so jaded.
None of my friends have had to try for more than 3 months for any of their babies. And I use the word "try" loosely. No charting, no OPKs, no testing, no strategic timing. Basically they just have sex whenever and get pregnant. They all know about our issues from our first but I have been keeping It to myself that we've been trying again. I don't want them to feel like they have to walk on eggshells about their pregnancies and good fortune, but at the same time I wish they had a clue about what it's like to be in my shoes.
I know you ladies can relate but I'm so angry that I will never experience the easy going joy that they have when they conceive. It's so much planning and effort and emotional torture for us to have a baby and I sound like a two year old, but it's so unfair.
Another friend just said they are trying for number two now, but she hopes she won't get pregnant until after the holidays so she can have a fall baby again. I just wanted to say, then don't try until after the holidays. That must be nice to be worried about the season your baby is born and not whether you will ever be able to have one again at all.
So sorry for the long vent, just need to get it out to someone who can relate
Last night one of my good friends who is trying for her first told me she just had a miscarriage. Basically she got an early positive, betas didn't double and they said she lost the baby. I feel so sad for her and her husband. The problem is, deep down I am jealous that they got pregnant on their second cycle. She lost the baby so I can't even understand why I would still feel this way but I do and I hate it. IF has made me so jaded.
None of my friends have had to try for more than 3 months for any of their babies. And I use the word "try" loosely. No charting, no OPKs, no testing, no strategic timing. Basically they just have sex whenever and get pregnant. They all know about our issues from our first but I have been keeping It to myself that we've been trying again. I don't want them to feel like they have to walk on eggshells about their pregnancies and good fortune, but at the same time I wish they had a clue about what it's like to be in my shoes.
I know you ladies can relate but I'm so angry that I will never experience the easy going joy that they have when they conceive. It's so much planning and effort and emotional torture for us to have a baby and I sound like a two year old, but it's so unfair.
Another friend just said they are trying for number two now, but she hopes she won't get pregnant until after the holidays so she can have a fall baby again. I just wanted to say, then don't try until after the holidays. That must be nice to be worried about the season your baby is born and not whether you will ever be able to have one again at all.
So sorry for the long vent, just need to get it out to someone who can relate
TTC #2 since 2011 (took 1.5 years to conceive spontaneously after multiple failed clomid cycles and 1 failed clomid +IUI)
Me- PCOS, borderline hypothyroid
Him- low concentration/count
Feb 2014- started acupuncture
Feb 2014- BFP
March 2014- m/c @ 5 weeks
May 2014- HSG, all clear, started Synthroid, Femara 5mg CD 3-7 + trigger + TI= BFN
Waiting for new RE appointment end of July 2014
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Feelings of guilt? Long..
One of my friends just got off her birth control and hasn't got pregnant yet but is already planning maternity photos and announcement ideas, while I'm over here - going to acupuncture once a week to the tune of 80 bucks a visit to have needles shoved in me, charting my cycle, taking OPKs 2X a day plus herbal remedies all the while wondering if I should give in - call the RE - and see about IUIs with donor sperm. *SIGH*
you're not alone. try to work through your feelings though. I ended up isolating myself from fertile people which basically left me even more alone and in a dark place.
Me: 27 DH: 33
Conceived DS after 4 years of MFI
TTC # 2 (not trying,not preventing ever)
May 2013 - August 2013 Timed Intercourse = BFN
September 2013 Timed Intercourse, Weekly Acupuncture, Herbs=BFN
October 2013 Timed Intercourse, Weekly Acupuncture, Herbs, and "warming foods" = BFP
Beta #1 19, Beta #2 18 Progesterone 4.6 Miscarried 11/9/13
November 2013 - Benched, waiting for first post-loss AF.
No longer benched per New RE/OB!
Jan. 15 2014 - BFP. HCG 3900 - Ectopic
Jan. 16 2014 Left tube removed and D&C
March 2, 2014 First AF
I say this so you don't think that you are a bad person. You are not. You are a good person going through something that no one should ever have to go through, and you are coping the best you can. You are welcome here. Everyone here knows what you are going through.
TTC #2 since 1/2012