"Discipline" for a 16 month old

PhillyGal34 · October 2013

My son is 16 months (14 months adjusted) and his favorite things to do are the most dangerous. For example, he loves to touch outlets (with covers). When we say NO or STOP he laughs and tries to do it more before we get to him. He also loves to smack the TV with stuff or his hand. Again, when we try to correct him he laughs. He is generally a very good and gentile kid so I think he thinks it is a game. I try to distract him and it usually works but I don't want to let him near these dangerous things any longer than he already is. If he was doing something non-dangerous I might turn my back and let him come to me when he gets no attention but I am too scared to do that with something dangerous.

What can I do at this point? How do I instill in him that I am serious and that whatever he is doing is dangerous without him getting hurt? I do not want to spank or anything like that. I also understand that he is learning and pushing his boundaries and I want to instill in him that he has to listen to us when we tell him something is dangerous. He can discover and learn but I need him to do so safely. I've also considered barricading everything but I know that that only puts off the issue for a little while and that eventually we will need to deal with this anyway.

Thank you for any suggestions you might have!

FabulousMrs.P · October 2013

Have you tried a time out? I started time outs with my daughter at about that age and they seemed to be effective. She didn't go back to what she was doing.
I always give her a warning. "DD you cannot touch the tv. If you do it again, you have to go into time out.") If she does touch the tv, then she goes into time out.

Have a boring spot as your time out spot (ours is by the front door because she can't see the tv, can't play with toys, etc). When you sit him down on the spot, tell him what he did wrong and that he needs to sit in time out. The first few times he might try to get up, just quietly put him back in the spot. Eventually he will stay there. Once he stays sitting keep him there for a 1 minute per year of age. When time out is up, get down to his level, repeat what he did wrong, ask him to say sorry and to give you a hug.

The first few time she tried to get up, after that she just stayed sitting in the time out spot. I have found it to be an effective for my daughter. I don't use if for everything, just for major offenses (...jumping off the arm of the couch, touching things that could hurt her, hitting someone, etc.)

Good luck!

PhillyGal34 · October 2013

I haven't tried time outs... I felt like he may be too young to get it but I just talked to DH about trying it. fun times! Thanks for your response. I am going to try it!

ashiscute · October 2013

My DS is younger only 13 months but his favorite thing is to touch the buttons on the TV because he can reach them and turn it on and off. He also likes to hit the TV. When he does that I unplug the TV and ignore him. If he's really hitting the TV I pick him up and carry him away a bit but I don't even say no I just ignore him. Ignoring works better than NO. Same with outlets. If they have the covers and he can't get them off than just ignore. If he doesn't get a rise out of you he'll stop. He might be a bit young for time out but you can try. DD was 18 months when we started time outs for 45 seconds.

PhillyGal34 · October 2013

theresat858 said:

I don't believe that you can discipline a child that young effectively.

Why not buy some outlet covers, and tether your TV with earthquake straps so that him touching it isn't actually dangerous?

Distraction and redirection are really the only things I believe in as "discipline" at this age.

I agree that I cannot really discipline which is why I put it in " "'s... I didn't know how to word it.

i have done those things but it does not correct the behavior and I want him to understand so that when we are places other than home he does not hurt himself. Also I do not want our expensive TV destroyed but that is a secondary concern. We've thought about gating it off but that doesn't fix the issue of him learning that NO means NO! eventually the gate will come down and he will be able to get to the things he wants or he will find something else to do that is dangerous.

ETA he isn't just touching the tv... he is taking toys and rubbing them on it or smacking it hard with his hand. I am not only concerned that it will fall (it is secured) but that it will break and he will cut himself!

meglette417 · October 2013

I do timeouts, our doctor said to start at 1. They may not completely understand but they at least get the hang of it. DS thinks everything is a game as well but truthfully redirection doesn't always work for us, I feel at this age they need to know right from wrong. You just have to be consistent with the timeouts. It may not work at first but will eventually.

Socialworkgirl · October 2013

theresat858 said:

We have found that if we consistently redirect LO away from something -- even if she is mad about being redirected and it ends in a tantrum -- she learns that she shouldn't be doing whatever it is. So if she throws things in the house, that item disappears on a high shelf until later and she doesn't get to play with it anymore. If she gets too close to the TV, we just keep redirecting, since we can't just put that away, but you could take away the things he is hitting the TV with. She found our liquor cabinets fascinating for a few days - we put up child locks, and she got upset for another day or two...and now she's bored with them and the problem is gone.

We have found the same thing. We have a full length mirror on a stand in our bedroom that DD used to try to mess with and it could have swung and hurt her. We just consistently said "No touch" anytime she tried to touch it and would move her away from it if she touched it 2 times. Now, she almost always just admires herself without touching it. Fortunately DD is closely supervised in our room and doesn't always have access to it so it was less of a pain than if it was in our living room.

Also, why does it matter if he touches the outlets if they have covers?

heaven22tw · October 2013

You can certainly teach a one year old to listen. Look how much they are learning right now and how quickly!!!!! I give lo three times and then she has to go to her pack n play. She got it after about a week:) the most important thing is be consistent...whoever watches her at home needs to respond the same way.

PhillyGal34 · October 2013

Socialworkgirl said:

theresat858 said:

We have found that if we consistently redirect LO away from something -- even if she is mad about being redirected and it ends in a tantrum -- she learns that she shouldn't be doing whatever it is. So if she throws things in the house, that item disappears on a high shelf until later and she doesn't get to play with it anymore. If she gets too close to the TV, we just keep redirecting, since we can't just put that away, but you could take away the things he is hitting the TV with. She found our liquor cabinets fascinating for a few days - we put up child locks, and she got upset for another day or two...and now she's bored with them and the problem is gone.

We have found the same thing. We have a full length mirror on a stand in our bedroom that DD used to try to mess with and it could have swung and hurt her. We just consistently said "No touch" anytime she tried to touch it and would move her away from it if she touched it 2 times. Now, she almost always just admires herself without touching it. Fortunately DD is closely supervised in our room and doesn't always have access to it so it was less of a pain than if it was in our living room.

Also, why does it matter if he touches the outlets if they have covers?

Because I want him to realize outlets are a no-no whether they are covered or not. I don't want him having to figure out that covered outlets are ok to touch and uncovered outlets are not ok to touch. I think it sends a mixed signal and lends itself to a problem. When we go places that do not have children we of course watch him but I don't want to risk turning my head and him playing with an uncovered outlet at a friend's house because he is allowed to touch outlets at home. To me it is easier to teach him that outlets are off limits to matter what. It's like saying he can touch the oven when it is off and not when it is on. he won't understand until it is too late. He has been touch the oven cannot be touched.

Thanks for the suggestions guys. Of course last night we didn't have any of these issues at all so I haven't had a chance to try anything but I think I have a few good ideas to start with. I am sure he will get it quickly once we implement some changes. Thanks!!

emberlee3 · October 2013

Actually, I think barricading is effective at this age. Especially for the TV. There is no reason he needs to be able to reach the TV. Block access, and there is no need to react. We use sliding outlet covers that are screwed into the wall. DD can't do anything with an outlet that would hurt her.

PhillyGal34 · October 2013

emberlee3 said:

Actually, I think barricading is effective at this age. Especially for the TV. There is no reason he needs to be able to reach the TV. Block access, and there is no need to react. We use sliding outlet covers that are screwed into the wall. DD can't do anything with an outlet that would hurt her.

but what do you do about these things when are you at someone else's home or someone else is watching her? I cannot expect everyone to baracade/cover everything in their homes especially if we are just visiting for a little while.

PhillyGal34 · October 2013

LalaMama81 said:

At someone else's house w/ a toddler you spend the whole time re-directing and distracting. That's why that's what I do at home, too. They learn more quickly that way instead of just making everything inaccessible.

That's why we haven't put gates all over. we definitely distract and redirect but I worry that even those few seconds at the TV or outlet are too long so I want him to completely avoid them. Maybe that's just wishful thinking at this age.

PhillyGal34 · October 2013

but what do you do about these things when are you at someone else's home or someone else is watching her? I cannot expect everyone to baracade/cover everything in their homes especially if we are just visiting for a little while.

You watch more closely. And you only leave your child in the care of people you trust...

I think that goes without saying. I think it is my job as a parent to teach him what he cannot do as well.

Smh619 · October 2013

This sounds exactly like our son!! I've just been redirecting.We also use the barricade method...and barricade when he figures out how to get around/over/through it. :0) Reading others' posts I might try time outs and see how that goes.

Socialworkgirl · October 2013

DaisyBlinks said:

DS was the exact same way at that age. Every time we would say "no" he would just laugh and keep at it. His favorite thing was the TV.

At this age I think it's best to change the environment as much as you can to make it safe for him. I don't think he's quite at an age where you're going to teach him not to touch outlets, so you might as well make your own home safe and when you're at someone else's home, you just need to be on top of him the whole time.

I don't think you can always do everything at home though. We don't have many options for blocking the TV from his reach without spending a bunch of money that we don't have. So when he touched the TV at that age, without saying anything we would just take him to his room. It wasn't exactly a timeout, because he didn't have to stay there. It was more just moving him away from what he was doing. Sometimes he would toddler right out and do it again. If we put him back in his room three times, we would put the baby gate up until he got distracted by something. That worked pretty well and he stopped messing with the TV fairly quickly.

He follows through on 'no' much better now. He's still pretty curious and he REALLY wants to touch the oven whenever it's opened, so I pretty much just don't let him in the kitchen when I'm baking.

I agree with all of this.

kderham · October 2013

I started "time outs" at 12 months. Mind you, they aren't punishment but they are for correction. Re-direction doesn't do a darn thing for my child. My son knows that there are some things he just can't touch or play with. It has taken a lot of work to teach him this but eventually he has learned and is doing really well. I only use time outs when he is doing something dangerous or is acting in direct defiance of what I have said. They are usually for 1 minute and he knows what is going on. He sits there and waits until the timer goes off. People say that kids this age (he's now 15 m/o) can't understand what it is but he is certainly learning. And I'm sorry but some items are expensive and he needs to learn from early on to have respect for other people's things. Good luck!

emberlee3 · October 2013

PhillyGal34 said:

emberlee3 said:

Actually, I think barricading is effective at this age. Especially for the TV. There is no reason he needs to be able to reach the TV. Block access, and there is no need to react. We use sliding outlet covers that are screwed into the wall. DD can't do anything with an outlet that would hurt her.

but what do you do about these things when are you at someone else's home or someone else is watching her? I cannot expect everyone to baracade/cover everything in their homes especially if we are just visiting for a little while.

At someone else's home, I follow my kid every where and watch her like a hawk. My own home is set up for her to explore safely. I did the same thing with DS. As they grow, they learn and understand verbal instructions better. They also lose interest in boring stuff like outlets and TVs, so it becomes a non-issue.

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