? about young kids and anxiety issues. I'm stuck.

Pamelacake · October 2013

7yo SD has an appointment this morning with another psychiatrist. They just made this appointment for her yesterday.

I know they have been wanting to see her again but I'm afraid they will want to put her on some meds. DH is totally against it and I don't feel that she needs anything like that. SD has already been diagnosed with mild ADHD but no meds were recommended thank the lord. She does really well in school, most of our issues are at home between two youngest SD's which is not the normal sibling rivalry.

anyone else? any advice? We are doing everything we can at home to stop it but I think there is only one cure. SD is back to waking up crying almost nightly. I so wish I could just make it go away for her.

I put this in the BF section b/c I know what the cause is. I have a lot of questions for the DR. and any advice or input would be greatly appreciated.

Banana44 · October 2013

You never mentioned what the anxiety is.

My SS has anxiety, he is 10. He will have a panic attack if I am at the mall and I have to take his sister to the bathroom. So, you would probably not consider his anxiety mild. He is not medicated and we hope he never has to be medicated.

We follow Cognitive Behavorial Therapy to work with his anxiety and panic. A therapist can teach you and your child how to do this.

Also, we loved the book, "What to do when you worry too much". It was a workbook that you and your child work on together. It really helped SS open up about the immense anxieties he was having.

+just+j+ · October 2013

I would request that you all try relaxation techniques first begore drugs. I would also hope that they would support this request. If it fails you can always consider a mild prescription but i do not see why they would deny you to try the natural way.

Have you considered yoga or meditation? These are things that you can teach at an early age that could stick with her throughout her life.

I would be all over that before giving my child drugs.

IfMamaAintHappy · October 2013

Please check out Kirk Martin's program and materials. He has given DH and I tremendous tools to deal with SD's strong-willed and anxious behavior. He recently came out with a new set of CD's called "ADHD University." I have seen him speak several times and the man is a god-send. You can follow him on Facebook too and sign up for his free e-mail newsletters on his website.

www.celebratecalm.com

sweetie0228 · October 2013

As a parent who has two children on medications for different reasons, I don't usually understand the anti-medication at all costs.

My DD is on medication for her severe depression, Boarderline Disorder and PMDD. Her boardline disorder stems from trauma. It's like a PTSD that has influenced her behavior. And it's from the rejection and abandonment issues caused by her biological father. The medication is a tool to get to a point that therapy and behavior modifications can actually work.

My DS is on medication for ADHD. He is Autistic and ADHD. He is on medication because it is a tool for him to show the world who he is on the inside. I originally was against putting my at that time 3 rd grader on stimulants until I heard some of his responses to the schools testing. At 9 years old my son said he wished he was dead because of the shame he had for disappointing everyone (me and his teachers) by his behavior at school. How could I deny my son a tool that could help him not feel that way?

I wouldn't deny my children medications for an infection, if they had diabetes, cancer, why are we denying medications for mental disorders? There are studies about if you break the cycle and give the medications as a relief early they don't turn to self medicaiton (alcohol, illegal or unprescribed drugs, impulsive or risky behaviors)

Also children on medications are monitored by the prescribing doctor (who should be a child psychaitrist not just a pediatrician) extremely closely.

I'm also not saying only medications. It's part of the therapy plan as a whole which includes talk therapy, music therapy, social skills and school supports, etc.

You'll do what works for you and your family, I'm sure. I've followed your posts and it's eveident you care a lot and only want the best. I just wanted to give a perspective from a mom who has 2 teenagers now, where the abandonment issues from the in/out poor excuse for a bio father has been now faded to healed scars. IT won't go away but it's not crisis mode any more for us.

+just+j+ · October 2013

Sweetie, while I completely understand your position for your situation, if your child could go a more natural route wouldn't you do that?

I had bad anxiety attacks one year in college. My counselor taught me coping and relaxation exercises and i conquerred it with little or no meds. I took the meds once and said never again.

In some cases drugs may be an immediate answer but if its just anxiety brought on by an expected visit or phone call by the whacked out drug head mom who belittles the child... That could be dealt with naturally. When (god forbid) it turns into BPD....then drugs may be the answer.

sweetie0228 · October 2013

@+just+j+

I was trying to convey that the medication was needed to even get to the point of self control and regulation could even be accomplished. I may not have clearly done that.

My DD especially, we started with self help, then went to individual talk therapy. Then the depression got so bad she was self harming. I was out of my depth and the therapy of behavior modifcation wasn't helping yet. I had to take her to the emergency room, she sliced her forearm open with a chef's knife in front of me in the middle of an arguement.

At that point she needed to be put in an inpatient facility to save her life.

The decision at that point was to try medication. Which takes a month to build up to an effective level. The difference was nearly immediate. It took the weight of the depression off her and gave her a mental/emotional break so then she could actually deal with the work of self regulation, self calming techniques.

This wasn't a fast approach. 3 years of slow decline, to reach the hospitalization low. Then two more years of intense talk therapy with medication (and we went through several different types, dosages and combinations) to develop and build the internal tools.

Right now the abandonment and complete rejection/favoritism being displayed in the posts from Pamelacakes, is creating the trauma that could turn into boardline. This isn't "just" anxiety. This isn't just a case of the jitters the night before she has to give a presentation in front of her class. This is a life quality obstacle of panic and physical pain.

I just feel like the emotional abuse that is happening now is too much for any adult, but a developing child doesn't not even have the bandwidth to effectively understand or utilize the tools if they even have them. It will take a team of parents, therapist, psychiatrists, courts to protect and renurture these children back to an emotionally health development age.

I'm not saying medications is the only answer, but not to dismiss the usefulness and the necessity it might become. AND CHANGING YOUR MIND and allowing medications for a short term or long term use is not failure or a crutch.

This is a painful hard process.

mccall0113 · October 2013

@sweetie0228. Yes, yes, yes! Very well said. My DS11 has been diagnosed w bipolar d/o. He takes psych meds. Anxiety was crippling. To me it was a quality of life decision. It's an individual decision to make after hearing risks and benefits. Good luck.

Littlejen22 · October 2013

I definitely agree to try other methods first before medication but this young child has three therapists and is seeing a fourth now? I have said before I have never heard of a child having a team of mental health professionals. If she needs that many people to help her cope day to day I think your DH needs to be open to the possibility of medication.

twister22 · October 2013

I have an anxiety disorder, and take medication for it when fit. I haven't taken it for months, but a recent turn of events has caused me to start taking it again. It's a very mild dose. Anyway, my therapist said this "You don't know how to swim, and you've got weights attached to you. The medication takes the weights away. The therapy teaches you how to swim." I understand that this isn't always the case, but I too don't understand the anti-medication-at-all-costs. Now, DS has ADHD, and he is not medicated. Right now we are simply following his Behavior Modification plan. Now, I hope to never need medication for him, but I'm not going to delay given it to him if it is evident that he needs it.

SueBear · October 2013

You might want to post on the special needs board, they definatly have more knowledge about mediaction.

SD is in a horrible position. I think it may be easier to be the "black sheep," than to be the favored child. If you are "out," you can give up knowing that there is nothing you can do. For SD5, she may have the pressure of always performing, of laughing at her "stupid" sister (who she loves) in front of BM, of keeping up being the favorite....or else being stupid, forgotten, ignored....like her sister is. That would be her punishment. As CR*PPY as a bio-parent is, children have a huge desire to defend and be loved by that parent.

I am not a believer in medication for kids long term, either (and I work for a pharma company), but this may be like taking medication before going on a airplane ride if you are afraid of flying, or taking dramamine if you have motion sickness and going on a boat. Right now, you cannot keep BM away or even make her appropriate in front of the kids (with a neutral chaperone), so medication may be one thing you can provide her with to help her cope. It would be very unfortunate if the courts make her "just deal with this," issues of BM in her life (and I realize you have no control over the courts), and then you and DH force her to "just deal with" the anxiety that BM causes by denying her medication. A five year old has very few resources to draw on. Until you are successful at getting BM out of her life (or controlled by a mediator) medication may be what she needs. Not because there is anything wrong or damaged with SD, but because she has been placed in a situation that emotionally and psychologically damaging.

Pamelacake · October 2013

I'm not totally opposed to medication for kids.. I just don't think she needs it this young. SD doesn't know how to feel and in her situation, I think it's completely understandable.

The lady was a total B and just wanted to give her pills.. even told SD at the beginning that she was the one who was going to give her pills, not like the other counselors. DH and I were not allowed to speak at the beginning as she was assessing SD. SD wouldn't tell the psychiatrist anything. DR. then started asking questions and when we refused to answer some of the questions with SD in the room, I told her that when we talk about these things with her regular counselor, she is NOT in the room.

She finally agreed to let SD go to the play room and within 5 minutes decided that SD has "misplaced feelings" and they can't be fixed with medications. She gave a few helpful tips on how to help SD identify how she is feeling so she doesn't just explode like she sometimes does and then go on like everything is peachy. SD may need meds in the future and if it's something that's going to help her then we would be all for it.

10yo DS and 16yo SS both have ADHD and they are on different meds for them. When 10yo DS was diagnosed.. I was one of those moms that was in denial and didn't want him on meds. I finally agreed and the difference it has made is remarkable. I think 16yo SS is coming out of it, he isn't an angry kid like he was for years.

DH is scared about meds b/c one of the first meds they put SS on made him have seizures and blackout. DH had to take him to the ER to get the meds out of his system.

ETA: We didn't go in with a closed mind about meds either, the DR just wanted to pass it out without knowing anything.

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