Plan for coming home from hospital ?

sterling1987 · October 2013

As my due date approaches I am trying to figure out the logistics once we come home from the hospital as far as visitors. My parents and my husbands parents live 2 1/2 hrs away and we welcome them all to come while we are at the hospital. I am just trying to figure out what to do when we come home and thinking it will be so overwhelming with a full house and trying to get settled with the twins. Do you guys have any suggestions on what you did or plan to do? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but this is a hard one! Thanks in advance!

lwatkins12 · October 2013

My MIL will be here for about a week to help with the babies. My FIL will come towards the end of her week and he will stay about a week. We live a few states away from everyone. I made it clear to my DH that I didn't want a house of chaos. My poor SIL had our in laws and her family back and forth for a few months because they also live a few states away. My SIL said she was overwhelmed and crying. Not because of having a newborn but because of the chaos of having 3 or 4 guests at the same time. I also don't want visitors at home until I give the all clear.

carrotcake06 · October 2013

Our policy was that family could come as long as they were helpful. They can hold babies, but they also should do laundry, cook AND clean up the kitchen afterward, and play with my 3yo.

chickaboo1974 · October 2013

We had no one- my guys were delivered at 34 weeks- spent 17 days in the NICU and it was November which happens to be flu and RSV season- so no one was allowed to come and stay. We had my mom and sisters come visit for the day (they live 2 hours away) when they were 6 & 8 weeks old and my DH's best friend came over on Christmas Eve since he and his family were in town from AZ. But everyone washed their hands and used sanitizer. I credit this to keeping them healthy that first winter- which was my main goal to hell with other peoples "feelings".

As for "help" you can do this on your own- I had no extra help- DH was hands on from 4pm-10pm but the other times it was all me. I did all the night feedings and I SAH . I believe that sometimes you can have too much "help" and it gets annoying and causes strain in relationships with family.

smscartozzi · October 2013

If family want to come into town to help do you have siblings they could stay with? Or could they spend part of the time in a hotel? I would find 4 house guest at once overwhelming! Meals have to be prepared for all these people!! That's a lot of work for anyone. And quite frankly you will never get any alone time or privacy....for me that would be hard.

I am with others, my mom is going to be here everyday for a few weeks to help but she is my BFF and I can tell her honestly when I need space or rest. Sorry I don't have any good suggestions. But I don't think it would be asking a lot if they are comin for a week or two to ask them to spend a few nights sleeping elsewhere.

sterling1987 · October 2013

Unfortunately no other relatives live in town so we may have to ask about them staying at a hotel if they want to stay. Our townhouse is pretty small too and we only have one spare room. Thanks for the input dh and I will have to have a talk with everyone ahead of time.

mirnb · October 2013

I think it all depends on your relationship with people.....only have those around you feel completely comfortable with and can say anything too without putting extra stress on yourself....the help is nice....my mom really helped me but she was here for me not to just sit around oohing and ahhing over babies...there will be time for that later!

babywillmake3 · October 2013

I found out the hard way with my first pregnancy that people will flock to coo over your new babies, eat your food and stare at you in your sleep deprived state but very little guests are actually helpful. My mom was the only one that ever made dinner or loaded a dishwasher or did laundry. MIL was worthless and just wanted to hold a sleeping and quiet baby. Which, a pack n play or crib could do

Do what works for you and your new family. Feelings may get hurt but ultimately you need to figure out your new normal and if people aren't going to be supportive and give you support and be helpful, don't hesitate to tell them to wait until things are settled down and then spread their visits so you have time to breathe in between.

somewhereincali · October 2013

Ditto the it depends on the help. We had my parents stay with us which was hugely helpful and their support was part of the reason I was able to EBF. They did all the laundry/dishes/shopping/housework/cooking, basically everything there was other than taking care of babies. They helped with that too but not without doing the rest (so lucky!!!)
But I know they are good helpers and they did whatever was needed, and were super supportive. If that wasn't the case then no help might be better

somewhereincali · October 2013

Oh, but they stayed nearby and not with us, which was good for everyone to get time apart and rest

kellibelle0417 · October 2013

My parents were here for 2 weeks and were a HUGE help the first week. I think they were burnt out the second week. If you allow visitors, make sure you are comfortable breastfeeding (if you plan to) around them. I had a lot of friends bring us dinners which was amazing! None stayed too long.

Brummy14 · October 2013

Ditto PPs -- it was the middle of flu season, our girls were preemies, so we had a SUPER short list of people who could visit (namely my parents). And, that's only because they were super, crazy, insanely helpful.

My MIL visited when the girls were a month old, and it was a disaster. I wasn't ready to have visitors in my home - she stresses me out - I was up every 2 hours to pump all night - it was too much.

I'm one of those people who finds visitors incredibly draining. So, unless you're the opposite, I would say thanks, but no thanks, for a while.

LucyRicardo3 · October 2013

DH had 1 1/2 wks left of leave after we'd made it home. (girls were in NICU for 8 days, 3+ hours away so we stayed at Ronald McDonald House until they were discharged.)
It was beginning of flu and RSV season. My mom had stayed with my older two kids for 9 weeks while I was in hospital. She went back home while DH was home with me. Just us. It was better that way because I was a hot mess and trying to nurse/pump while taking care of our older two. We stuck to the NICU 3 hr feeding schedule.
What few people stopped by, I felt like I was a freak show. They just held sleeping babies and got us off schedule and I felt like I had to entertain them, rather than them there to HELP me. I'm sure I hurt some of their feelings, but my kids come first. They can get over it. Mom came back when DH returned to work and stayed a few weeks and helped me keep my family in clean underwear but even she got on my nerves when "she" was tired but she never got up in the middle of the night with any feedings. and I was still cooking the meals.
I put a note on our front door saying due to the fragile state of my girls' immunities,immature respiratory systems, (big stretch of truth, there) and it being flu season, We appreciated well wishers, but please call ahead... and disconnected the door bell.
There were 3 times someone brought meals over. That was very much appreciated, except for the one family of 5 that wanted to stay and eat with us and my house and kitchen were a wreck after they left.
Guess who cleaned up after that mess? me and DH

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