BTDT moms - high maintenance/high need baby

Melissa0926432 · October 2013

I know there are a couple of us out there with really high maintenance babies and I remember from a previous thread a couple of moms who have been there with previous kids.

So here is my question: My baby only takes naps on me - she sleeps at night in the crib great but I can't get her to nap on anyone or anything but me and I give in because 1. She's a baby and this is what she apparently needs and 2. I don't want to add overtired to an already fussy baby. So anyone who has been through this does it get better? I try to move her to the crib for at least one nap a day but every time she wakes up as soon as I move. Will she magically one day just start sleeping somewhere else? If you have been through this and it did get better when? I know each baby is different but I really just need a little hope...

[Deleted User] · October 2013

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Stina2012 · October 2013

Mine only sleeps on me for naps too. DH spent 2.5 hours trying to get her to sleep in her crib or her RNP in the nursery today. No dice. She then came out and slept on me. It also takes me about 15 minutes to get her to take a 45 minute nap. It is KILLlNG me.

Kitten80 · October 2013

I'm sorry, the road seems so long when you are walking it. When you turn around though, it won't seem as long and your feet (or in this case, arms) won't be as exhausted as you imagine they will always feel.

My LO still needs more contact and reassurance as a preschooler, but also plays independently and is such a loving, sweet soul. It WILL get better.

kmc217 · October 2013

I feel like I am at the end of my sanity with my DS. He takes 30+ min to get to nap for 15 and only naps on me with my boob in his mouth or in the Ergo. He does 1 nap at 7pm on the boppy on the couch next to me and then sleeps 9-3 in the RNP and from 3am on is restless, fussy and miserable anywhere I put him. My girls were so easy... I had no idea babies could be like this.

Melissa0926432 · October 2013

thanks for the words of encouragement everyone.. its good to hear from people who have been through it (or are going through it) and knowing that it will get better. Logically I know this will only last a short while and a year or two from now when I look bad I will think "that wasn't so bad" but the constant needing to be held at all times, eating all the time, and the general fussiness (though a week ago the screaming for hours ended so thank god for that) are just difficult in the moment.

@kdasr - I'm definitely in for a weekly checkin. Not knowing anyone having gone through this is probably the hardest thing.

Kgreen71 · October 2013

I am a FTM so I am not sure if this will help but my LO is very clingy and will only nap in my arms some times I will lay a shirt in the swing that I have worn and he can smell it bit it's not in his face so no hazards and that will work sometime but not always

Lelo2006 · October 2013

I totally have a high needs baby, too! He is getting so much better though. I find that if he is overtired he gets extremely fussy and clingy. Now he sleeps in his swing or crib for naps but just a month ago he would have to sleep in my arms or in his ktan sling. It was the only way he would sleep longer than 30-45 minutes.

This is crazy, but I do miss staring at his cute little face when he was sleeping in my arms. He would pucker out his lips and it looked adorable. Sweet little monster.

mandyrator79 · October 2013

all of my babies have been high needs. my boys turning point was at 6 months old when they learned to crawl. I always joked it was amazing they even learned to crawl since up until that point they spent the day in my arms. as far as napping goes I want to say it was around 6 months old as well when I was able to nurse them while in bed and sneak away once they were asleep. it was still a pain as I stayed in the room to watch them since I did not trust them on the bed, but it was a start. you should start seeing a difference soon! even Nadia who up until this point would be content out my arms once in the morning for like 15-20 minutes has started letting me put her down for another short play session in the afternoon this week. I have been considering trying nursing her in bed for naps soon.

flkong · October 2013

ramy3695 said:

Yes, it gets better! DS started improving around 3.5 months. By 5 months he was like a completely different baby.

This is us right now. DH and I were marveling over this "new" baby we have. She's been so much more happy & pleasant over the last 2 weeks. She's 4 months now.

WifeyLovesHubs · October 2013

I'm typing this with one hand as I hold my child and bounce on an exercise ball. This is the only way she will fall asleep unless she nurses to sleep... And even nursing doesn't do the trick all the time. Once asleep, I can sometimes get her in the swing for a long nap without her eyes springing open. I just keep taking it one day at a time and I do notice that it is getting better little by little. I would be interested in a high needs baby check in!

OP- I hope you can put your napping baby down soon!

sophie206 · October 2013

DD1 was high needs and I had to lay down holding or nursing her or hold her for naps until about 8 or 9 months when we started getting her to take an afternoon nap in the crib at least. DD2 is much easier overall although we are going through something at 12 weeks right now where she is fussing if she's not being held and hardly sleeps and it's bringing me back to those early months with DD1...it definetly improves in time!

michwalk · October 2013

This is so me. Sweet Pea can be fast asleep and I just have to lower her into the crib and she's awake 6 inches before she touches the mattress. We just moved the crib right next to the bed so she can see and smell us, but that only seemed to work for an hour and now she's back in bed with mum and dad.
Our queen size bed is getting too small for 3!

tarabob19 · October 2013

I'd be interested in a high needs baby check in too! My LO has always been fussy, loves to be held constantly, and is currently sleeping awful at night. And same here, no one I know had this hard of a time apparently. My DH's cousin has a baby 1 month older than mine and she seems so easy! Ahhh!

iHeartVan · October 2013

Kind of butting in here. I have never posted in July 13 before. I was due August 9th and ended up having my son July 23rd. Never really posted in August that much either....just lurked.

Anywho, my son was colicky and still high needs, but getting much better.

Melissa0926432 said:

(though a week ago the screaming for hours ended so thank god for that) are just difficult in the moment.

Melissa...was your LO labeled as colicky? Just wondering bc we had the screaming for hours and hours every evening (although my son used to cry all day long as well) but the evenings were definitely the worst. His pedi never actually diagnosed him with colic, she just said he is very needy and could have a "colicky" personality. Surprisingly, every time we took him to the doctor he was good. Go figure.

It used to be his every waking minute was spent crying, but at 13 weeks tomorrow we have seen major improvement. He is still fussy though, but I am amazed at the difference.

It was definitely hell.

iHeartVan · October 2013

BTW, hi everyone

Melissa0926432 · October 2013

iHeartVan said:

Kind of butting in here. I have never posted in July 13 before. I was due August 9th and ended up having my son July 23rd. Never really posted in August that much either....just lurked.
Anywho, my son was colicky and still high needs, but getting much better.

Melissa0926432 said:

(though a week ago the screaming for hours ended so thank god for that) are just difficult in the moment.

Melissa...was your LO labeled as colicky? Just wondering bc we had the screaming for hours and hours every evening (although my son used to cry all day long as well) but the evenings were definitely the worst. His pedi never actually diagnosed him with colic, she just said he is very needy and could have a "colicky" personality. Surprisingly, every time we took him to the doctor he was good. Go figure.
It used to be his every waking minute was spent crying, but at 13 weeks tomorrow we have seen major improvement. He is still fussy though, but I am amazed at the difference.
It was definitely hell.

@iHeartVan - She used to cry pretty much every night from at least 7-10pm (a lot of times longer) and she would have a couple 30min or so screaming/cryng fits during the day too -and I mean screaming/face red and blotchy/tons of tears - not just fussy

I think the Dr thinks I'm crazy because I bring her in when nothing is wrong. I was pretty sure she was colicky but once she had an ear infection which made me feel like I had no idea what was going on (because the crying from the ear infection wasn't any different than her every day crying).

She also spits up a lot so the Dr had us try meds to see if that helped she said if it didn't help then she was probably just colicky. The meds didn't help at all. She also said I should try giving up dairy - I was going to do that 2 weeks ago when I was at the Dr last. I told myself I would stop dairy after the weekend (my sister was in town and it seemed difficult to choose then to stop) Well that was the weekend she magically got better.

Around week 14 or 15 she just stopped the screaming at night and the screaming during the day for no reason. She is still a little intense - if she decides she wants or doesn't want something she goes from happy to screaming pretty fast but at least now there seems to be a reason and I can calm her down pretty quickly

ETA: I never did give up dairy because she got better (not sure if that was clear or not)

WifeyLovesHubs · October 2013

lizabethann06 said:

WifeyLovesHubs said:
I'm typing this with one hand as I hold my child and bounce on an exercise ball. This is the only way she will fall asleep unless she nurses to sleep... And even nursing doesn't do the trick all the time. Once asleep, I can sometimes get her in the swing for a long nap without her eyes springing open. I just keep taking it one day at a time and I do notice that it is getting better little by little. I would be interested in a high needs baby check in!

OP- I hope you can put your napping baby down soon!
I just read this to my DH, we empathize. Besides nursing, bouncing was the only way DS would sleep for months. I would bounce him on the exercise ball in the bathroom with the fan on in the dark. The fan was loud and helped create white noise.

@lizabethann06- it's definitely hard- I shush her while bouncing - the bathroom fan is a good idea! I definitely feel like the one thing that everyone agrees with is that is DOES get better.... Now at 3 months I can see the silver lining! And ball bouncing is easier than standing and walking around which is what I did before realizing she liked the ball.

iHeartVan · October 2013

Melissa0926432 said:

iHeartVan said:

Kind of butting in here. I have never posted in July 13 before. I was due August 9th and ended up having my son July 23rd. Never really posted in August that much either....just lurked.
Anywho, my son was colicky and still high needs, but getting much better.

Melissa0926432 said:

(though a week ago the screaming for hours ended so thank god for that) are just difficult in the moment.

Melissa...was your LO labeled as colicky? Just wondering bc we had the screaming for hours and hours every evening (although my son used to cry all day long as well) but the evenings were definitely the worst. His pedi never actually diagnosed him with colic, she just said he is very needy and could have a "colicky" personality. Surprisingly, every time we took him to the doctor he was good. Go figure.
It used to be his every waking minute was spent crying, but at 13 weeks tomorrow we have seen major improvement. He is still fussy though, but I am amazed at the difference.
It was definitely hell.

@iHeartVan - She used to cry pretty much every night from at least 7-10pm (a lot of times longer) and she would have a couple 30min or so screaming/cryng fits during the day too -and I mean screaming/face red and blotchy/tons of tears - not just fussy

I think the Dr thinks I'm crazy because I bring her in when nothing is wrong. I was pretty sure she was colicky but once she had an ear infection which made me feel like I had no idea what was going on (because the crying from the ear infection wasn't any different than her every day crying).

She also spits up a lot so the Dr had us try meds to see if that helped she said if it didn't help then she was probably just colicky. The meds didn't help at all. She also said I should try giving up dairy - I was going to do that 2 weeks ago when I was at the Dr last. I told myself I would stop dairy after the weekend (my sister was in town and it seemed difficult to choose then to stop) Well that was the weekend she magically got better.

Around week 14 or 15 she just stopped the screaming at night and the screaming during the day for no reason. She is still a little intense - if she decides she wants or doesn't want something she goes from happy to screaming pretty fast but at least now there seems to be a reason and I can calm her down pretty quickly

ETA: I never did give up dairy because she got better (not sure if that was clear or not)

I completely understand what you mean about the doctor. I took him once a week for like a month begging the doctor to diagnose him with reflux or something. Didn't happen. She just smiling at me and telling me he was healthy and it needed to pass.

Rushmore · October 2013

checking in!

I'm not a BTDT mom, but I do have what you might call a "high maintenance baby." I could have written your post word-for-word. The sling and exercise ball have become my new best friend for getting him to nap.

Sometimes I get jealous of other moms who seem to have easier babies. Twenty minutes in the stroller and my child is over it and crying...and if not placated, the crying turns in to screaming. Makes shopping a challenge. We've had success with the sling/baby carriers but only if he is sleeping. Once he's awake, he wants out- and NOW.

I turn to sympathetic friends, my mom, and my husband for encouragement. They remind me to hang in there, and that I am doing a good job.

When it's really rough, and I've been bouncing on that darn exercise ball for what seems like forever, I sometimes scroll through his birth photos. Seeing my tiny little baby, so helpless and dependent stirs up all sorts of lovey dovey feelings and mama bear emotions that help combat the weariness of soothing my high needs baby.

Hang in there! You are doing a good job, and you are the perfect mama for your LO. You may not always feel like it, but you know him best and he appreciates that you go above and beyond to create a happy, peaceful world for him.

SMac85 · October 2013

It gets better. Around 4 months DS1 was like a different child. By 6 months he would nap on his own in his crib. Ever since then he's been an amazing sleeper

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