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Working Moms
dglvrk2
member
cousin...vent
dglvrk2
member
in Working Moms
I live in San Francisco. My only relative in the area, a cousin who is my age, lives about an hour away, in an Oakland suburb. Our parents and siblings are several states away. We've always gotten along, but, honestly, I'm not sure how close we'd be if we weren't related. We've always been quite different. Parenting has brought out our differences even more. Our daughters (our first and, until January when I have my second baby, only children) are only two months apart, so it would make sense that we'd get them together a lot. I'm a teacher. When I get breaks in the school year (I teach at a year round school so I get more frequent yet shorter breaks than most), I make an effort to get together with her and her daughter. She's a SAHM and she and her husband never go out without their daughter; so getting together with them for some adult time is never an option. She always suggests I drive to meet her and generally go by her and her daughter's schedules. I'm pretty easy going and happy to see/do something new as are DD and DH, so usually it's not an issue, especially since it only happens 5-10 times a year. I have next week off and did ask if she could come my way one day (Tuesday or Thursday). She seemed hesitant at first, but said yes. Then yesterday I get an email about how bad traffic is between her home and mine, going my way followed by another one about her daughter's runny nose. Today, her daughter has a cold and wants to give her ample time to recover, so she cannot go anywhere next week. I'm so done abiding by her terms......I'm trying to be a good friend more than anything but this is hard. Just needed to vent.
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Re: cousin...vent
If it feels more of a burden and annoyance, then stop going. She may be family, but that doesn't mean YOU have to bend over backwards to make this work if she isn't willing to put in any effort herself.
Especially once you have a 2nd? Is she still going to be unwilling to pack up her ONE kid to come visit you, or will she always expect you to be packing up TWO kids and go to her?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Also, agree with ECB. I just wouldn't make any effort any longer unless you absolutely want to.
If she mentions not seeing you, just say, "With 2 kids, it's just not possible. You'll have to come see us next time." If she never does, then she never does. Oh well.
I have to admit- when I read your OP and you said that it's "only" 5 - 10 times a year, I was thinking "10 times is actually a lot". We have a few GOOD friends who all live about an hour from us that we really enjoy seeing, we used to see each other all the time, and we miss them - but now that we all have kids and just busy lives - I KNOW we don't see them 10 times a year. Honestly- 5 is probably stretching it.
And these are people who I know that on both sides of the equation, if we could, we'd love to see each other more. We all just understand that it can't happen - at least not while we have young kids.
For the fact that this is a cousin who you admit that if she weren't family, you probably wouldn't see her so much- maybe she doesn't care about FORCING the family thing and that's why she isn't so willing to come to you. It's just not that important, and she may feel that she sees you enough that she doesn't need to make a trip that she doesn't want to make.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10