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BM had her semi annual meltdown...Sorry it is long and on an IPad!

Lavender PLavender P member
in Blended Families
Its actually more like every few months but I didn't know what that was called. So anyway, this is mostly just a vent but feel free to give advice...SS had a project due a few weeks back. DH offered to help SS with it and BM flipped our saying she could help her own child. SS got his grade back and got a D on it. He tells DH that his mom is going to call the teacher to see if he can redo it. DH calls SS every few days ro talk ro SS and see how school is going. BM doesn't pick up the phone or return any of his phone calls. DH finally calls the teacher to see what is going on with school since ther is no communication with BM or SS. Teacher says BM never contacted her but SS can redo the project and she will average out the grades. She also tells DH that SS did not do a single thing that was on the paper and that DH basically gave him a D for turning it in. They had almost a month to work on it. So Friday night DH goes to pick up SS and sends me a text an hour later saying there was drama. He gets home and we go upstairs to talk. DH told BM that he spoke to SS's teacher and he can redo the project. Instead of being happy about it, she flips out saying he isn't communicating with her. He tried calling her three times and she never called back. He had talked to SS earlier that day and asked to speak with his mom, but she said she was too busy and had SS hang up the phone. DH asked her if she called the teacher and she said she did but the teacher never called her back. She goes on and on calling DH a fucking asshole and a fake ass father of the year, at the top of her lungs in front of all three of her kids. Her husband (SS's SF) stood in the background rolling his eyes over her shoulder. BM tells DH that all he ever does is tell her she can't do the things she wants with SS. He asked for examples and she says that he wouldn't let SS get baptized like she wanted. This was over 9 years ago and DH didn't tell her she couldn't do it. He told her that his family needed a few weeks notice so that they could attend. She is still holding a grudge. She told him she wanted to take SS to her friend who is in school to be a dental hygienist to clean his teeth. DH said no. We have insurance so why would you let someone play guinea pig on your kid? She went on and on about how much she hates him. DH retaliated and told her that is her issue and she needs therapy. . DH walked to his car and she is cursing and screaming the whole way. He got in and drove off. SS is crying saying he is confused because his mom told him to get out of the car and DH told him to get in. So DH drives back and tells her they need to resolve things because this poor little boy is so conflicted. She finally calmed down a little and said good bye to SS nicely. Nothing was resolved, as always. The only good things about her flipping out is that it buys us a few months until it happens again. My poor SS came over crying saying he doesn't know why his parents have to hate each other. DH usually does a good job of not engaging but he engaged. He did tell her (when she first started ro scream) that he was not going to discuss SS in front of him and told SS to get in the car. I'm sure he still heard everything since they were both screaming. Ugh. What a clusterfuck.
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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Re: BM had her semi annual meltdown...Sorry it is long and on an IPad!

  • twister22twister22 member
    Ugh. I'm sorry that BM feels the need to have a temper tantrum. And especially that poor SS has to see it.

    Is it possible for DH to do the project with SS?

    Not a major thing, but I don't think it's a big deal to let SS have his teeth cleaned at a dental school. It's a cleaning, not a root canal.
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  • NineoceansNineoceans member
    She does need therapy.

    I think one of my saddest days was when my SS was sitting in my back seat and made a comment that Dh and his mom hate each other. Normally I would say something but I was just so sad and stunned.

    I hope you had a good weekend with SS regardless of the way it started
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  • Lavender PLavender P member
    twister22 said:

    Ugh. I'm sorry that BM feels the need to have a temper tantrum. And especially that poor SS has to see it.


    Is it possible for DH to do the project with SS?

    Not a major thing, but I don't think it's a big deal to let SS have his teeth cleaned at a dental school. It's a cleaning, not a root canal.
    DH has offered to help with the project a few times. The first time BM said that she would help her son and was insulted he asked. Now that he can redo it, DH asked SS if he wanted his help and he said no that his mom would help. SS knows that his mom either won't make him do it (and he can just take the D) or that BM will let him get it done quicker. DH helped SS with a science project previously and he got an A on it, but it took several hours and SS doesn't want to make the effort it takes to get good grades.

    The dentist thing wouldn't be a big deal, but SS is very anxious and already afraid to go to the dentist. He screams and cries and it is a big ordeal. DH has taken him once and it went really well. He offered to take him again and BM refused. She said she is taking all her kids at once and SS has to be on the same schedule as them even though DH woul be takin him. If she was taking him to his normal dentist we could call and make sure he was actually going. We can't call her friend to ask if she has cleaned SS's teeth and confirm it. Our guess is tha she isn't actually taking him.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    edited October 2013
    I wouldn't have given SS the choice. If DH arranged for the make up, then DH should have said this is what we are doing this weekend. It would teach him to do things right the first time and hold him accountable.

    XH should have walked away sooner. And I can say that from my experience this weekend.
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • Lavender PLavender P member
    Thanks all. The weekend was okay and although I should save this for FFFC, I'm just so glad that I don't have to deal with this for another two weeks. DH will follow up with SS this week about the project and school (if his BM even answers the phone or returns his calls). I just need a mental break from all the ridiculousness.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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