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December 2012 Moms
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nervous husband

emmylou1313emmylou1313 member
in December 2012 Moms
DH is completely paranoid about doing anything with lily. it seems like the only one he trust with her is himself. even though i know more about how to sooth her feed her and what to do when she is sick but he always acts like im going to do something stupid and hurt her. if she falls (even just stumbles while crawling) he snatches her out of my arms while i make sure shes ok and looks at me like i shoved her down. when you add other people in its almost a no go even if he is there. he makes excuses like she wont like it, to many people or that he is afraid someone will hurt her. though i would never force her into something that would hurt her or make her uncomfortable i dont want to lock her in the house and keep her form the world. she loves people and seeing new things. he doesn't discuss his decisions with me he just says no and if argue against it or try and talk about a compromise that would make him comfortable he ignores me and says i dont respect him.  im getting more and more irritable about this. i feel untrusted and like my daughter will never get to enjoy many of the thing i got to growing up. anyone elses SO this strict with there LOs?
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Re: nervous husband

  • ExcitedAunt2bExcitedAunt2b member
    Not like this...did something happen early on that resulted in him being super overprotective?  

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  • kescalerakescalera member
    Every now & then DH likes to pull the "experienced dad vs 1st time mom" card on me on account of SS11 but I have no problem fighting it out or just telling him to stop being an idiot & keep on doing what I'm doing.
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  • emmylou1313emmylou1313 member
    he had a shitty childhood but i don't feel like that is a good reason still. he lets his past experience with people influence us and what we do with lily. recently he dont down right pissed at me saying i wanted to take lily to the parish fair for the merry go round and the petting zoo. but that same week he took her to the pumkin patch with a petting zoo. unless he decides what it is she does it is unsafe and reckless.
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  • elvinnoeelvinnoe member
    DH is a little more protective than I am over DD. for example, I set her on the floor to crawl around, explore, and exercise while he puts her in her crib to play because, in his words, he knows she's safe. But I'm with her all day, every day. She bumps her head sometimes and just gets back up and keeps going. I can tell she's growing up, but I think he has yet to see that.
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  • JJ_13JJ_13 member
    JandACoffee said:
    Have you sat down and discussed this with him calmly when there isn't a direct issue at hand? It sounds like this is something that you two really need to talk about so that you understand why he is acting like that and he understands how he is making you feel. Its not going to be nearly as effective if you try discussing it when you are trying to take her somewhere he disapproves of because he is already going to be in ultra-protective parent mode and you are already going to be on the defensive. Try talking about it sometime when you are both calm and there isn't anything coming up...

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  • JessAnnJJessAnnJ member
    I agree talk it out as PP said. I would definitely discuss it sooner rather than later. Children are able to pick up on their parents anxiety much sooner than you think.

    Is DH controlling in other areas or just with respect to LO?

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  • dlbello23dlbello23 member
    My dh is also a little more protective and nervous with lo than I am, but he's never been around any other kids or babies before. It sounds like u need to have a little chat with your dh, like u said you don't want her missing out on fun, learning life experiences, good luck! :)

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  • twister22twister22 member
    emmylou1313 said:
    he had a shitty childhood but i don't feel like that is a good reason still. he lets his past experience with people influence us and what we do with lily. recently he dont down right pissed at me saying i wanted to take lily to the parish fair for the merry go round and the petting zoo. but that same week he took her to the pumkin patch with a petting zoo. unless he decides what it is she does it is unsafe and reckless.
    That is complete hypocrisy, and I wouldn't stand for it. It sounds like DH is the "head" of your household, as is my DH, and my DH is also big on respect too. However, it is important for both you and DH to be loving and respectful to one another. I think you guys definitely need to sit down and have a serious conversation; outline what your expectations are for DD, what your expectations are for one another as parents, and what your expectations are for how the two of you communicate.
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