Planning for #2?

mrs.sewell · October 2013

So, my husband and I are going to have a conversation about trying for another baby.
His two from his previous marriage were unplanned and so was Hayden (to some extent. We weren't actively trying, but we weren't preventing either.).
My question is: what kinds of things did you consider when you were planning to expand your family? What do you wish you had known prior to having #2? What was the biggest/hardest adjustment you had to make?

mrs.sewell · October 2013

When I say Unplanned, I mean we weren't charting or anything. We knew we wanted to have a baby and we tried for a year unsuccessfully. And then we stopped trying and ended up pregnant 6 months later.

KarmB · October 2013

When I told my midwife we weren't trying or preventing. She laughed and said if you're not using bc you're trying. Lol

I consider my sanity. Can I handle a newborn with a toddler? I'm having soooo much fun with lilah. Will a new born take away from that?

elizdg · October 2013

Well G is our only child and we are not planning on trying for another for a few years at this point, but the biggest issue for us is money. Daycare for 2 would be ridiculous for us right now, so I think we will wait at least until G is in preschool. Also the cost of another csection/hospital stay, formula (we had to use Alimentum), etc. It just all adds up.

WonderJess · October 2013

For me it was a complicated mix of just knowing I was ready and sucking up the fear of upsetting the balance and going for it. We wanted kids about 2-2.5 years apart and for a long time after the first neither of us could imagine handling another baby. Then life gets easier and more fun... and you hit that routine with your one child where everything feels normal. I started having the urge to have another little one at that point but I was so NOT looking forward to the crazy newborn days with the addition of a toddler. But waiting just delays the inevitable and we weren't willing to wait long enough that the first would be helpful.... so we just did it.

I won't sugar coat it. Having a 2.5 year old and a newborn (and now an almost 4 year old and toddler) is TOUGH. It absolutely is less fun in the beginning. But it's also pretty amazing to see how true it is that your love multiplies and your heart grows to make room for another little person. :x

EandIMommy86 · October 2013

For us, we did not want more than three and we wanted at least one of each. Mine will be 15 months apart, but we did not want them more than two years apart bc we wanted them to grow up together. Since we got a boy this time around, we do not want anymore. We also thought about the timeline. I did not want to have a child in my 30s because of the risks I hear about, and since my husband is 7 years older than me, if I had a child at say 33 he would be 40. He does not want to be changing diapers, waking up at night, etc at that age. Lastly, our daughter for the most part is an easy baby, and so we figured we can deal with two even though they are so close in age.

steelermama86 · October 2013

If having a child in my 30's is bad shame on me.

After I had G we decided that we would try again after her first birthday having the kids about 2 years apart. Luckily it happened soon after trying and they're 21 months apart. I had major anxiety before J came along. I felt that I wouldn't have the time for G anymore or she would feel neglected. It all just falls into place. I love my life and my kiddos and we're planning on #3 soon. I think it's a personal decision and what will work for your family.

aylafsu88 · October 2013

We have been TTC #2 for several months now. We knew we wanted two. Both my H and I are older so waiting for awhile is not really an option for us. For us the big thing was jobs. My H has a great, stable job and I have a flexible job. We also have some savings built up and can financially afford another LO without having to drastically change our lifestyle. For us jobs and finicial stability were a huge factor in having #1 and TTC #2.

Pandril19 · October 2013

Not yet trying for #2 here, so just sharing the things on my mind, not any experience. Physically, I'm going to attempt to drop some more weight before I get pregnant again. (I've started gaining again since quitting bf-ing.) We'll save some more money to give us more flexibility.

At some point I'll work up a budget on 2-in-daycare vs nanny, but I think the reality there is that we'll never really make the type of cuts/trade-offs it will take until we HAVE to. But we can make it work when that time comes.

ThePinkSuperhero · October 2013

Pandril19 said:

At some point I'll work up a budget on 2-in-daycare vs nanny, but I think the reality there is that we'll never really make the type of cuts/trade-offs it will take until we HAVE to. But we can make it work when that time comes.

I think that's us, too. We want to start trying next month. Thankfully our finances can probably stretch to accommodate 2 in daycare when it happens, and if not, we'll figure something else out.

mrs.sewell · October 2013

A lot of great things to consider. Thanks everyone.

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