Dear Diary,

pettycrocker · October 2013

@KC1212's post from last night got me thinking. Let's make a weekly Dear Diary thread. It'll be a thread where we can dump all our anxiety/frustration/random crap.

I'm starting it now, but Saturdays are pretty slow, this feels more like a Wednesday thread LOL. Anyway- bump it up as much as you need. Insert your random crap here.

Everyone needs a place to dump those random frustrations!

Dear Diary,

Why do I feel like I am getting a cold? Eff that noise. I'm not down with the sickness right before I start my effing Lupron. Speaking of which, I just got my Lupron that I had to pay OOP for because my pharmacy is full of non reactive zombies. We're going to the museum. I am so excited to go and hang around a bunch of snot nosed kids for the day.

Love,

MC.

annibes · October 2013

Dear Diary,

I am tired of being busy and sick. I am convinced that stress of working a job and a half plus going to school has contributed to my "unexplained" 2IF. I know I need to quit school right now, but I'm having trouble ripping that bandaid off. In my defense, that bandaid is pretty much superglued on, but whatever.

I am not thrilled at my recent stomach issues. I do not like that my gall bladder may have to come out. I do not have time to have another laparoscopy and recover from that. I do not like that it could mean another forced break from TTC, even though TTC doesn't seem to work for us anyway.

But I do feel happy to have my DH. He took care of me again last night and has held this house together through my crazy schedule and all of my sickness attacks. Last night, he got the heating pad, my meds and water, and tucked me into bed. He told me he loved me and how sorry he was that I was feeling sick again and made me feel better mentally at least. I've been feeling really down about being so unhelpful around the house but at least he understands.

Arrrrrgggggggh to everything except DH and DS right now.

Gator_Bride07 · October 2013

Dear Diary,
Good news today, I got a Peak reading on the fertility monitor! And better yet, we dtd last night. These are the kinds of things that excite me since TTC. This past week has been brutal..battery died in the truck, engine light on in van, both DD and DH diagnosed with strep, inept pharmacy at Walgreens that I lost my shit on. So, I am thankful we are now on vacation. I hope to have a stress free week in Orlando. Xx

kndeckar · October 2013

Dear Diary,
My used- to-be-sweet 2 yr old has now been replaced by a bratty 2.5 yr old monster. I realize she is still recovering from the loss of her precious paci, but I am worried it will never get back to how it was. Naps and bedtime are a terrible battle and she is always grumpy. At this point, I feel like I am constantly yelling at her and I keep thinking I shouldn't even be trying to have another baby right now because I am a terrible mom that is losing my patience. Not to mention, I'm trying to transition to a brand new job and I've had tons of stress at work. October has not been a good month for me. I'm ovulating in the next day or so and I just had my HSG Thursday so I should be excited about TTC this month, but I'm not. Ugh...I need to snap out of this funk.

KC1212 · October 2013

kndeckar said:
Dear Diary,
My used- to-be-sweet 2 yr old has now been replaced by a bratty 2.5 yr old monster. I realize she is still recovering from the loss of her precious paci, but I am worried it will never get back to how it was. Naps and bedtime are a terrible battle and she is always grumpy. At this point, I feel like I am constantly yelling at her and I keep thinking I shouldn't even be trying to have another baby right now because I am a terrible mom that is losing my patience. Not to mention, I'm trying to transition to a brand new job and I've had tons of stress at work. October has not been a good month for me. I'm ovulating in the next day or so and I just had my HSG Thursday so I should be excited about TTC this month, but I'm not. Ugh...I need to snap out of this funk.

I DREAD getting rid of the paci. DS only uses the kind with the little animals attached and I just dread it

He's not yet 2 so I'm letting him indulge a few more months.

freakyfast · October 2013

Dear Diary,

I am certain I am dying today!

I worried about putting all these hormones and drugs into my system through shots and pills and never thought about them leaving my system.
I am in serious pain with cramps from a different planet. I knew something was off. I've had (TMI warning) some spotting when wiping and I am NOT a spotter!
I'm afraid of AF coming now if its gonna be this painful.
FFS (For Fucks Sake) they said it would be heavy but they didn't mention this pain.
Going back to bed to lay on a heating pad.

xoxo
Freaky

uagirl · October 2013

Dear Diary,

I hate that I am now classified as infertile. I hate the depression it has caused me. I do appreciate the closeness it has brought DH and I. I hate that I have to wait 3 weeks before my next appointment, even though I know they can't do anything more before then. I'm aggravated that our only chance to make it to the pumpkin patch was rained out today. I wish I was going to Disney World. The rainy day is really matching my mood today.

Jen071407 · October 2013

Dear Diary,
I have a love/hate relationship with all sticks pee-on-able. Thank goodness we are on vacation to soften the blow of yet another cd1 in a few days.
Also, I'm almost mad at the unexpected $200/month credit towards gonal f that showed up at the pharmacy. I can't tell if we are going ahead with another medicated cycle because I think I can handle it, or because I want to use the damn credit. I'm so over this ttc shit ruling my life.
Time to board a plane , over and out 9er 9er.

Love,
Me

KC1212 · October 2013

@freakyfast I'm so sorry. I've had painful menestral cramps most of my life. It runs in my family.

I've had days where it has brought me to tears and sometimes vomiting.

I suggest (this is what I do) 4 Advil and 2 Tylenol. 4 Advil is = to RX strength and the Tylenol is a different drug altogether so they can mix. Also, don't let it wear off. I've set my alarm before to take meds in the middle of the night.

Stretchy pants
A heating pad

I'm so sorry hugs to you.

pettycrocker · October 2013

Omg. We definitely needed a dear diary. We hold way to much frustration/stress in when we're dealing with all this IF crap!

@kndeckar that is exactly why I am terrified of taking away her paci. She can keep it until she's 25. I can't deal with all that stress right now! I hope it gets easier for you!

@freakyfast I am so sorry you are feeling like crap, love. Get some rest and feel better! What a craptastic way to spend the weekend!

pettycrocker · October 2013

Deary Diary,

I just ate about 20 double stuffed oreos and washed it down with half a bottle of Dayquil.

#MOTHEREFFINGCOLDSANDPMS

+SouthernMomma+ · October 2013

Dear Diary

AF is the biggest bi*@# in the whole world, She totally stole my 2ww wait!! On another note, I've cleaned my entire house today from top to bottom and my feet are killing me, I cant muster up any energy to do my work out now and i'll spend the rest of the evening feeling guilty because of it, im sure. I am secretly am over trying to get KU, but don't have the heart to break it to DH. Time to cowgirl up and just keep at it.

-ME

chrissynena · October 2013

Dear Diary, I know that you know me as well as I know myself, so maybe I should have you told the doctor that I've had been getting bronchitis twice a year for 30 years and for her to not give me an antiobotic isn't going to cut it. I was so mad that she just kept saying what have you done in the last 2.5 weeks to make yourself better, that I asked her to stop talking so I could tell her, and no you are not suppose to cough up yellow/green flem and wake up gasping for air in the middle of the night. But go ahead, not normal doctor, and give me nothing but do tell me if I'm not better by Monday (3 GD days later) to come back and be seen again. It certainly will not be by you. I wish I were going to the happiest place on earth. Love, your best pal.

pettycrocker · October 2013

Deary Diary,

Is everyone on our entire little board sick or PMSing right now? What's with this shit, Mother Nature?

:-q

freakyfast · October 2013

@KC1212 - thank you so much! I have had serious cramps for quite sometime too due to the endo that I even have prescription meds for my cramps but sadly I can not take them. I'm restricted to Tylenol during this IVF.

but my heating pad is my BFF during this time. I should have know it would be painful too. Argh and 5 days early. Thank you for the hugs DEF needed today!

@mrscastillo - thanks! I'm kinda glad it happened now instead of while I was at work. I've been pretty miserable today. I did eat pizza last night and ate a cupcake today!
I think Dear Diary is a good idea. Maybe on Fridays to vent the week out? Or whatever you want. I vote you take lead. :P

pettycrocker · October 2013

Dear Diary Fridays sounds good to me. We don't really play FFFC here anyway.

ally510 · October 2013

I have a one...

Dear Diary,

I just got a text from a random number that said, "I saw pics of your gummy bear today. Are you finding out if it's a boy or a girl? You must be so excited." WTF?!? Wrong f-ing number! This is the text I get on the day I learn my fresh cycle is cancelled. How cruel is fate???

KC1212 · October 2013

@freakyfast yuck! yeah, my doc is a dick and won't give me good drugs [-( so I saved the drugs from my C SECTION. Yeah, the fucking cramps hurt worse than a surgery!

@ally510
Who the fuck calls a fetus a GUMMY BEAR?! I prob would have txted back some meanness.

Sorry ya'll I must be in a crabby mood. Shit pisses me off for you!

trayle01 · October 2013

Dear Diary, I'm so frustrated that I had no frosties from IVF #1 which conceived DD. Now I'll have to do IVF #2 which seems more scary to me this time around. I just pray it works like last time.

freakyfast · October 2013

ally510 said:

I have a one... Dear Diary, I just got a text from a random number that said, "I saw pics of your gummy bear today. Are you finding out if it's a boy or a girl? You must be so excited." WTF?!? Wrong f-ing number! This is the text I get on the day I learn my fresh cycle is cancelled. How cruel is fate???

@ally510 Whoa? Wait? Did I miss somewhere you were cancelled? What happened?

freakyfast · October 2013

Mrs Castillo said:

Dear Diary Fridays sounds good to me. We don't really play FFFC here anyway.

What does FFFC mean? Should I know? LOL

pettycrocker · October 2013

freakyfast said:

Mrs Castillo said:

Dear Diary Fridays sounds good to me. We don't really play FFFC here anyway.

What does FFFC mean? Should I know? LOL

Flame Free Friday Confessions :P

MercyGale · October 2013

Dear Diary,

This morning I had to call my ob and let the prenatal consultant know what happen over the weekend, she is going to schedule me with the doc as soon as she hears from her. I am anxious to just get this over with. My heart hurts so bad... I feel so lost and empty. A little piece of my soul died Saturday when they told me I lost our sweet baby... I have just been an emotional wreck. Dh had to work today and so its just me and DD home alone. I know I am not alone persay, but its so hard to keep these tears at bay... especially when Dh is gone. I have been bleeding for about 6 days now, hopefully it all stops soon. I just need this to be over with. I go from sad to angry to depressed to bargaining to being ok within the same hour. I need the closure from the follow up, so I am really hoping I get in soon...

ally510 · October 2013

@freakyfast - I'll post an update. I guess it's good news and bad.

+SouthernMomma+ · October 2013

Dear Diary,

Why must people be so stupid?! Earlier today I posted a sweet sentiment to my husband on facebook, the bottom line was pretty much a thank you for being my rock through such a difficult year. I had disguised it well enough that only he knew it was 2IF related. Tonight, a girl commented on it, "My morning sickness just got worse" ... REALLY?! I have very sarcastic friends, and that's fine because I am equally sarcastic. But again, REALLY?! I would KILL for her morning sickness!!! I wish I could tear her freaking eye balls out right now! Im already on edge because I had a dream that I went through 9 months of pregnancy, with twins. In my dream I went into labor, went to the hospital and delivered 2 beautiful twin girls... When I woke up, I immediately started crying because even though it happened in my dream... I was still empty handed when my eyes opened. Why is life bitch slapping me so hard lately?!

-ME

ScarletBegonia79 · October 2013

dear diary,

last night at the gym a woman asked me how far along i am. i don't think she was expecting "2 and a half years post partum" to be the answer. so, not only can i not get pregnant, but apparently i look pregnant. i really should have just stayed in bed yesterday. and today.

Amores0121 · October 2013

Dear Diary,.

When is the universe going to cut me a break? When will we be rid of these damned lice? I am sick of combing out everyone's hair and sleeping with olive oil on our heads every night. It is cutting in to my time for everything else, specifically my workout time and all my pants are tight in the waist now. I have spent hundreds of dollars and probably hours fighting these damned parasites. I. am. OVER. It.

Also, why does my husband no longer have a sex drive? Was this really necessary to throw at me when we are TTC? And why won't the damn fertility clinics answer their phones so I can simply schedule an SA for him??

P.S. I really like this thread.

Amores0121 · October 2013

+SouthernMomma+ said:

Dear Diary,

Why must people be so stupid?! Earlier today I posted a sweet sentiment to my husband on facebook, the bottom line was pretty much a thank you for being my rock through such a difficult year. I had disguised it well enough that only he knew it was 2IF related. Tonight, a girl commented on it, "My morning sickness just got worse" ... REALLY?! I have very sarcastic friends, and that's fine because I am equally sarcastic. But again, REALLY?! I would KILL for her morning sickness!!! I wish I could tear her freaking eye balls out right now! Im already on edge because I had a dream that I went through 9 months of pregnancy, with twins. In my dream I went into labor, went to the hospital and delivered 2 beautiful twin girls... When I woke up, I immediately started crying because even though it happened in my dream... I was still empty handed when my eyes opened. Why is life bitch slapping me so hard lately?!
-ME

what an effin bitch.

+SouthernMomma+ · October 2013

Dear Diary,

My subconscious needs to F off!! I had another dream last night that we had a little boy and named him Bryce, He was beautiful but... Woke up empty handed, AGAIN. I need a distraction, this is BS.

P.S I really really love having a place to dump my random thoughts.... THANK YOU @Mrs. Castillo

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