Angry state (part of grieving)

lindahwa · October 2013

After crying for the past 2 days until my whole body hurt, I finally moved on to the angry state today. To my relief, my anger or jealousy are not directed toward my loved ones or my pregnant friends (have 4 girls in my circle of friends: 1 just gave birth to beautiful baby boy, 1 is due in 1 week, one is due in Dec, and another miscarried a day after I did). My fear is that I would feel jealous or feeling left behind but instead, my feelings don't change. I know some of them wanting their babies for years, like me, so I want to be there for them and really wish them all the happiness in this world (and smooth delivery).

Instead, my anger ended up going toward this acquaintance who is always so obnoxious in facebook. I was a lean athlete before the pregnancy. I put on 8 lbs prior to pregnancy (to make sure I wasn't too lean) and I bloated/gained 4 more lbs in the 2 month I was pregnant. Today, an acquaintance made a rude comment in facebook of why I let go my lean athletic body and even said need to lay off McDonald to prevent further weight gain. When I said not everyone can make exercise and eating clean as always a#1 priority in life, he said "there is your excuse" and proceeding to post a fit mom with 3 toddlers with the tag line "what's your excuse". That's it, I used to ignore this troll and this time, I lashed it out on him. After I made him ashamed and feeling bad about himself, I unfriend & block him. Boy, at first I was boiling mad, then 2 hour later, I was giggling and said "what was that...that was my first facebook drama ever in my life lol". I thought about taking it easy on him as he's been pm-ing me and apologizing but then I thought...I don't really need an obnoxious acquaintance anyways. He's always judgmental toward women and objectifying them. We are not close other than we used to train in the same gym so I don't need someone like that in my life anyways.

Today, I feel better. No more tears. My Dr left a note that I should start seeing a negative pregnancy test next week. She also confirmed the miscarriage from the blood test and the sample tissue (which I already knew since 3 day ago). I book acupuncture treatment for next week, even if it's placebo, I want that placebo for my next phase of healing. Overall, I feel pretty good. I feel that I would be able to function and feel normal again. Hope you all feel that today is better than yesterday. If it's not, it's ok. We take it day by day and it will get easier at some point.

Frenchteachermama · October 2013

lindahwa said:

After crying for the past 2 days until my whole body hurt, I finally moved on to the angry state today. To my relief, my anger or jealousy are not directed toward my loved ones or my pregnant friends (have 4 girls in my circle of friends: 1 just gave birth to beautiful baby boy, 1 is due in 1 week, one is due in Dec, and another miscarried a day after I did). My fear is that I would feel jealous or feeling left behind but instead, my feelings don't change. I know some of them wanting their babies for years, like me, so I want to be there for them and really wish them all the happiness in this world (and smooth delivery).

Instead, my anger ended up going toward this acquaintance who is always so obnoxious in facebook. I was a lean athlete before the pregnancy. I put on 8 lbs prior to pregnancy (to make sure I wasn't too lean) and I bloated/gained 4 more lbs in the 2 month I was pregnant. Today, an acquaintance made a rude comment in facebook of why I let go my lean athletic body and even said need to lay off McDonald to prevent further weight gain. When I said not everyone can make exercise and eating clean as always a#1 priority in life, he said "there is your excuse" and proceeding to post a fit mom with 3 toddlers with the tag line "what's your excuse". That's it, I used to ignore this troll and this time, I lashed it out on him. After I made him ashamed and feeling bad about himself, I unfriend & block him. Boy, at first I was boiling mad, then 2 hour later, I was giggling and said "what was that...that was my first facebook drama ever in my life lol". I thought about taking it easy on him as he's been pm-ing me and apologizing but then I thought...I don't really need an obnoxious acquaintance anyways. He's always judgmental toward women and objectifying them. We are not close other than we used to train in the same gym so I don't need someone like that in my life anyways.

Today, I feel better. No more tears. My Dr left a note that I should start seeing a negative pregnancy test next week. She also confirmed the miscarriage from the blood test and the sample tissue (which I already knew since 3 day ago). I book acupuncture treatment for next week, even if it's placebo, I want that placebo for my next phase of healing. Overall, I feel pretty good. I feel that I would be able to function and feel normal again. Hope you all feel that today is better than yesterday. If it's not, it's ok. We take it day by day and it will get easier at some point.

I cannot believe that ANYONE would say something like that to you!!!!!!!!!!!! That is absolutely terrible!!! You definitely do not need that drama in your life!

aschultz9 · October 2013

I deleted my fb page totally 4 months ago for exactly this reason. All fb ever did was make me mad. So not worth it. Im so sorry, now is not the time to worry about a couple pounds. Take care of your mental health. So sorry for your loss.

megrae12 · October 2013

Wow. I am pissed for you as well. My first reaction would have been to punch him in the face, of course that is my first reaction when ppl tick me off. Obviously, I have hit the anger phase as well

I am glad you feel better. You deserve that! Keep your chin up as it were, b/c you are amazing and strong! Kudos to you for handling it in such a way that made him realize what a jerk he is.

lindahwa · October 2013

Thank you ladies. I agree that this is not the time to worry about extra lbs here and there. For some reasons maybe because I was an athlete (to be exact, I was an amateur kickboxer) before, many ppl seem to talk about my weight and level of exercise a lot. To the opposite of this obnoxious guy, I got a text message from my older brother this morning. He said don't worry about going back to train, it's ok to have a few extra lbs and don't need to lose it before I try again. Don't exercise too hard.

I know he means well and I think my family knew how crazy I trained before when I prepared for a fight in the ring. But I would never harm my baby that way. I quit 6 month before, a month before my husband and I started TTC. I don't box and do any contact sports even during the TTC. I feel like I have to explain myself but then I realize that there is no malice intent on my brother part. He lives overseas so he probably doesn't know how much I have changed in the past months. The only things I do is to run. I need an outlet and I'm always super active. Even now, I'm scared to run. I am fairly sure in my next pregnancy, I will not do much exercise at all in the past 12 weeks and I'm willing to do that as well. I plan for brisk walks, no more running.

RayRay007 · October 2013

I would have raged on that guy even if I wasn't grieving. You should have made him feel like an ass. I'm glad you were able to get that out and are feeling better today.

libby+nate · October 2013

I've seen that picture you are talking about and it pissed me off by itsself. What a total freaking tool. I'm glad you made him feel like an idiot. Plus, I'm sure you still look amazing! Hope you feel better soon!

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