PITA BD's

eg214 · October 2013

Sometimes I feel bad griping about my BD when there are women who wish the BD was in their childs life. Am I the only one who really wishes BD just wasn't around and dropped off the face of the earth? At least right now while I'm pregnant. I want him to have a relationship with his child and don't want her growing up without a dad, but man oh man...just leave me the hell alone while I'm pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!

End vent.

ktedmon · October 2013

You are not alone. My son's dad is bad news and doesn't pay child support for any other kids and doesn't have to for this one either (he's on SSI). He keeps asking me questions and has had to ask me when I am due like 3-4 times already. I just want him to go away and leave me and my son alone. I am not putting him on the bc and not inviting him to the birth. He's just an ass all around. Good luck!

20thirteen · October 2013

I want my BD to go away. He was gone for my entire pregnancy (thank GOD) and then that psycho girl he was dating nearly killed him in a drunk driving accident, and now he's "seen the error of his ways" and "wants to do what's right" and always wants to have some part of her life even if that means he's not in it (whatever that means). He's met DD twice. Both times it was out of desperate texts of him saying he was going to kill himself if he couldn't see her (I know he's not going to actually do it, but I need the evidence in case he decides to file for father's rights and ask for some kind of custody agreement). Literally, outside of those two freak-outs, he hasn't bothered to even ask me how she is doing. I just wish that he would just get all his info from his mom and just leave me alone. Or maybe I should just move to another state and not tell any of his family, only come to town when his mom says she's coming up for a visit or something.

Guys never listen when you want them to, nor do they ever seem to do what you ask them to do.

And gripe away! We can complain if we want to!

Monkeybird84 · October 2013

No, you're not alone. My son's father hasn't seen him even once and hasn't made any effort to contact me about him since he was born, and I'm glad he's gone. I just wish the state could find him to serve him for child support.

eg214 · October 2013

@ktedmon - Ohhhh man. Would you be willing to chat via message? My BD is on SSI, disability, but also VA retirement pay. I have heard I can't touch his disability without a fight, but haven't heard about his SSI. If I can only touch his VA pay, I'll be LUCKY to get $50 out of the SOB. This could be wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy bad news for me. I'm curious about your situation. I've tried contacting several military family law attorneys for consults and have had ZERO help. Getting so antsy and frustrated on this legal crap.

If I can't get anything out of him, I sure as hell will not be serving him with any PPW, putting him on the BC, etc. I know he can demand a PT and all that other crap but I'd rather him go through the effort and do all the work if I'm not going to get jack from him. That way, I buy a few more months of him leaving me the heck alone. Oh man...

ktedmon · October 2013

We can chat anytime you want to. I'm not sure where you live, but according to WA law, I can file for SSI for my son on his father's behalf and my son could get up to half off what his dad gets, but it's not taken out of the father's pay. The only reason I'm not going to apply for it is because that means i would have to put him on the bc and I really don't want to do that. Plus, in the paper work, I would have to talk about his other kids and the the 350 that my son could be entitled to would drop to maybe 50 because all of the kids' moms have a right to the money, but it is divided among all off the kids and it's just not worth it to me.

ktedmon · October 2013

You can Private message me at ktedmon@msn.com.

eg214 · October 2013

Ahhhhh gotcha okay @ktedmon. I started the attorney consult run again so hopefully I'll get some good, solid answers soon. The one I made an appt with today though charges $250 for the hour consult.

I think I'm going to have to cancel that one and keep on looking.

20thirteen · October 2013

consults should be free... if they charge, then definitely move on.

eg214 · October 2013

Thanks @roxalot. I think it's because of the area I'm in. Everything in DC is three times as expensive. Someone told me today they are in Houston and work for a family law atty and they charge $100 for the hour consult, so I guess that isn't unheard of. I found a lady who charges $100, so I'm going to head there first and look for another that's free. If I can't get anywhere with either of them, I'll call the $250 guy. I don't mind paying a little something for their time and expertise, but $250 is out freakin rageous.

20thirteen · October 2013

Have you looked into legal aid? Or do you make too much and don't qualify for that service?

eg214 · October 2013

I don't qualify for legal aid

You have to be well below the poverty line, like less than 20k a year or 15k a year to qualify. I already emailed them to check

@roxalot

rachthebaj · October 2013

You definitely aren't alone. Mine loves to still send me rude, and bitter texts, lie to our landlord so I don't get any money back from the deposit on the house we shared, and generally just shit talk me like crazy to everyone we know. I can't stand to be around him as a result of all of that, and somehow he still expects to be included in appointments, and ultrasounds. I don't think so.. Baby and I certainly don't need the drama and stress.
I'm feeling really conflicted about letting him know when baby is born though. There is no way I want him in the room, but I have a feeling that if I let him know that he'll ruin such a special day with his generally rude and hateful attitude, be pushy about the name, and being on the birth certificate. If he were a decent person, and didn't act so unbelievable idiotic and childish I truly wouldn't mind him being a part of our lives. On the other hand, I don't want my child to resent me for that when he/she is older.

ktedmon · October 2013

Rachthebaj,

I do not plan to tell dad when I'm in labor. I will tell him once the baby is born, but he's only been around when it's convenient for him. I don't want or need him around. My sisters and friends will be there and that's all I need. He even lives in another state and I STILL won't tell him. Do what is best for you and the baby. If he is gonna stress you out or try and ruin your special day, make him wait. It's not about him and boys like our BD will try and make it about them. he may be angry, yes, but he'll just have to deal with it. Good luck!

eg214 · October 2013

I've also thought about how LO will feel when she gets older that she doesn't have pictures of her dad holding her just after she is born, that he wasn't in the room and such. I feel bad about that, but I know in my heart...it will make my L&D so very stressful for me...just to even know he's in the vicinity. I plan on a natural birth at a birth center so I'm going to need all the focus I can get. I plan on letting him know when I'm like 9-10cm and about to push. He's in another state as well so he'll have no way of making it there in time. I'm hopeful he can come up immediately after and have a supervised visit with her in her first few days while my family is there to step in, oversee, and protect us. I don't intend on keeping him from his daughter, but I am pushing for supervised visitation in court and since we won't get to court for many weeks, I still want him to have the ability to see her, get photos with her new, etc. Once my family leaves though, I won't be making any plans for him to visit her unless we did it at a police station (have no clue how that would even work) or some other place where someone could protect us/make sure he doesn't run off with her. I don't even want him to have my address, but that's going to be basically impossible with all the court documents and such that I'll have to fill out.

There's ways around not having him there for your L&D. Just try to make plans for him to see her right after...within the first week or something if you want. My plan on telling my daughter WHY on things is because "Daddy was sick." I'm sure I'll consult with a professional before she can ask questions, to make sure what I say won't screw her up, but I want to make sure I never pit her father against her or talk poorly about him like my mom did to me. Since he has mental reasons of why we aren't together and why he can't be around...him being "sick" is the best way I can think to put it where it makes sense and doesn't make him sound bad :-/

ktedmon · October 2013

I know the issue will come up with me and my son and i will just tell him that his dad made some poor decisions and I thought it was in his est interest to shield him from these poor decisions. Dad has been to jail, prison, and has a lengthy criminal record. My son doesn't need to be exposed to that and i will tell him as such.

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