Is it too late to sleep train?

Rias · October 2013

I heed help! My DD is going to be 15 months and is still not sleep trained. This started when she was 5 months old. She got sick so I let her sleep next to me and from then till now, she wakes up in the middle of the night to come to my bed. Poor DH has been shunned to the guest bedroom. I tried to let her CIO and I wasn't consistent enough so that failed. I'm also a softy that hates for her to cry. The longest I've let her cry was like 10 min. I just want her to sleep in her bed all night without waking up in the middle of the night. What do I do? Tonight she refused to sleep in her bed I tried to let her cry it out but then the second time I went to check on her she was sobbing and screaming and climbing on me saying up, up. I just brought her back to bed with me and she is sleeping there. Help please!

sunnyday016 · October 2013

We recently sleep trained DS, not for night waking, but because he was not going down without us sitting in his room for (literally) hours. We straight up CIO though and only went back in once after about 15 minutes to give him his paci and lovey back. After that we did not go back in. Honestly, it was not as bad as I thought it would be. The first night was the worst- he cried for about 45 minutes. The following nights were much better- about 10-15 min. Now we do our bedtime routine, turn out the light, I rub his back for a few minutes and tell him I will see him in the morning. I leave the room and that is the last we hear from him until morning. Good luck!

christina_williams · October 2013

I'm usually a lurker, but I just wanted to jump in and say that I don't think 15 months is too late to sleep train. We did the Ferber Method with DS around 9 months or so, and it worked really well. He is now 20 months and just recently stayed the night with a babysitter. I guess the disruption in his routine threw him off, because he was waking around midnight every night since then and standing in his crib hysterically sobbing until I went to pick him up. Then he'd want to play. After about 4 nights of that, my husband and I decided to give the Ferber Method another try.

When he woke up at midnight, I immediately went in and made sure he had his lovey, gave him a hug and kiss, and tried to lay him back down. He, of course, stood right back up and continued to cry. But I left the room and waited for 5 minutes before going back in again. Then went back in after another 5 minutes, then 7 minutes, then 7 minutes, then 10 minutes. (The key, for us, is not picking him up.) He fell asleep after that. So about 34 minutes of crying and lost sleep on everyone's part.

The next night, he slept through the night.

It's definitely torture to see them SO worked up and not pick them up to comfort them. And it's torture to hear them cry for so loooong. But its actually less tears/torture/lost sleep, cumulatively, since it's not continuing to happen every night.

Rias · October 2013

You ladies are giving me hope! I will attempt sleep training once again. Thanks!!

skibunny59 · October 2013

My DD is 18 months and we never sleeptrained either. She still needs to be rocked to sleep. We put her in her crib totally asleep. When she wakes up 3 hours later she usually ends up in our bed and she wakes up multiple times a night to nurse. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if it's even worth it to sleep train.

I'm not the best person to ask though. I am very lazy at night. Partly the reason she's in our bed and still nursing. It just seems like WAY more work to sleep train her now than to just continue what we're doing. I keep thinking to myself that eventually she'll just grow out of it.

ashiscute · October 2013

I think the reason so many struggle with CIO is because they don't have a plan in place. Listening to your baby cry at 3am is incredibly difficult but if you have read books and have an actual plan it makes it loads easier. I personally thought Ferber was really helpful because you only had a couple minutes to wait so you could say "only 3 minutes and I'll go see her" vs just staring at the clock wondering how long she can keep it up. Come up with a plan you and DH agree on and be consistent! It will happen.

fanofanne · October 2013

i feel that we are always re-training our twins. dh and i tend to break their normal sleeping habits when they're sick or teething or out of sorts, and they get used to the coddling. so, no, i would say that 15 months is not too old.

shannm · October 2013

I will agree that you should do some reading first. I liked Dr. Ferber's approach, got the book on my iPad and on the nights that we trained, I sat outside of her room while she was fussing and read the key chapters again for inspiration and support. It took us less than three nights and less than 30 minutes each night. She now sleeps about 11-12 hours. She does wake but 95% of the time, lets out a few of her screams or spouts some gibberish, and then passes back out again. She fell out of the rhythm a few weeks ago and was giving us trouble going down but we did a bit of training and within a night or two, she was back in her routine.

I am a better mom with good sleep, so in my mind, it was best for all of us to train. And I feel pretty confident that resting independently through the night is a good skill for little ones to have.

dcb101010 · October 2013

One thing to keep in mind is that you will have to sleep train more than once. Pretty much every time there is any disruption to the normal routine. I'm not saying that as a reason to not sleep train- in fact, if your little one isn't sleeping on his/her own, I think sleep training is key to a happy, healthy family. I just think you need to have realistic expectations going in. This isn't going to be something you do once for a few days and never have to do it again. Well, you might be one of those lucky ones, but most people do have to do this over and over and over again. Good luck!

dcb101010 · October 2013

I should add that I feebly attempted CIO after reading everything that ever was written on the subject (or at least it felt that way) and had a plan that I even typed out and made my husband read and promise to follow. 30 minutes in I crumbled like a stale cookie. Magically, my son (9 months at the time) started sleeping 10-11.5 hours at night after that! He still occasionally goes through bouts of waking up at night and needing help, sometimes for no apparent reason at all. But eventually he gets back into a good sleeping rhythm. I just take the good nights as victories and try to get through the bad nights the best I can. We still rock him to sleep or help him settle down by cuddling next to him, but he usually can fall back asleep on his own, so we don't see the problem with that. Again, good luck!

Rias · October 2013

Thanks! I will read up on some books and see what method will work best for me and my family. CIO is so hard on me.. Not sure if that's the way to go. I will have to do some research and stick with a plan!

acbfreire · October 2013

skibunny59 said:

My DD is 18 months and we never sleeptrained either. She still needs to be rocked to sleep. We put her in her crib totally asleep. When she wakes up 3 hours later she usually ends up in our bed and she wakes up multiple times a night to nurse. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if it's even worth it to sleep train.
I'm not the best person to ask though. I am very lazy at night. Partly the reason she's in our bed and still nursing. It just seems like WAY more work to sleep train her now than to just continue what we're doing. I keep thinking to myself that eventually she'll just grow out of it.

we are in a very similar situation.

doggie mama · October 2013

I did Ferber at I think about 6 months. I had to, after my husband died I needed her to sleep through the night. It was hard to do without his support. But I just kept telling myself, what's worse, her being scared and crying for me for a few nights or being scared literally every time she woke up before I'd have the chance to get to her? Now, when she wakes up, she can usually put herself back to sleep. She's going to wake up throughout the night; sleep training removes the fear they experience when they do. It's a gift to them. At least, that's what I tell myself. Because yes, you do have to redo it after they've been sick. And to be perfectly honest, I also used earplugs.

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