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Hell...

FitMamaInProgressFitMamaInProgress member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
That's what I feel like I'm luving in. Hell. I wish this hell-Ish experience had never happened.

I see my coworker that had the same due date and I want to punch her and cry simultaneously. I see another person post their ultrasound and I sob "why?!!!! Why did this happen to me???"

My students remind me that I've gotten big and it stabs like a knife.

I realize all of my plans for moving and a new job next year are all screwed bc of this hell.

...this is going to take a whole lot more therapy to get through... ;*(
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Re: Hell...

  • libby+natelibby+nate member
    I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. If is unfair and it does suck. It is okay to feel those emotions. Hope it gets better for you. (Hugs)
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  • aschultz9aschultz9 member
    One day at a time I think. I have had a bad week and wondered a lot this week how to get past this. I have to though, I have others who depend on me. So I think im taking one day at a time. Thinking too far ahead makes me anxious. Also, I am not one to express feelings well but I have found that just telling my husband I need to be held is helpful. I am glad to have this place where others "get it" as well. Im so sorry for you and for all of us. Hugs to yoj.
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  • IhopeIhope member
    I'm so sorry you are going through this pain. Everyone deals with it differently, for me I needed a lot of time alone and with dh only.
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  • megrae12megrae12 member
    I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It really does suck and it really is hell. T & P's to you. I hope you find some peace and comfort. ((Hugs))
    Multiple TTCAL 1IF 3
    imageimage
    DX: stage 2 Endo 2012, PCOS 7/2/14,  HSG 6/11/14, Lefty open!!
    BFP#1, EDD: 4/27/14, Missed EP confirmed: 9/23/13, R tube removal: 9/25/13 
    Clomid/TI #1=BFN, 
    Clomid/TI#2=BFN, Clomid/TI #3=CP
    BFP #2 CP, EDD 7/12/15
    On a treatment break: 2 natural cycles. Saving money, sigh*

    Goodbye my sweet babies. We miss you so much. 
    All Welcome


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  • alm288alm288 member
    It really is a horrible experience and roller coaster of emotions. I'm sorry you are going through this :(

    I agree with the others - take it one day at a time. Therapy can be a great option to help. Do whatever you need to do to help the healing process. Best of luck.
    TTC: Since July 2013
    BFP #1: EDD 05/27/2014 (D&C 10/17/2014)
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  • FitMamaInProgressFitMamaInProgress member
    ;( it's awful
    And it's putting a strain on my marriage. I want to be alone and cry and sleep most of the time...
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  • FrenchteachermamaFrenchteachermama member
    That's me too...personally I think one of the hardest things is that you are still full of pregnancy hormones or they are out if whack. It's been 10 weeks since I took misoprostol and 5 since my D&c and I can still cry for no reason. My clothes don't fit, acne still bad, and I just feel ugly. No period yet. I'm a teacher too so I get what you say about students looking at you all of the time and asking insensitive questions. You can take it day by day and try to focus on other things, but I hear you, it always comes back to something we wanted so badly being taken away.



    imageimageimage
    image
    My FF Chart:
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/490dd7
    TTC #3 since June 2013
    BFP #1 7/21/2013--EDD 3/30/14--D&C 9/24/13
    BFP #2 1/28/14--MC 2/7/14
    IUI #1 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #2 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #3 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IVF #1, Stimmed for 12 days, ER 8/22/14, 9 retrieved, 7M, 7F!!  Freeze all due to fluid in uterus.
    FET end of October 2014 cancelled due to fluid in uterus due to possible c-scar defect
    Surgery scheduled 12/12/14 to fix possible isthmocele
    3/26/15 transferred one 8 cell grade 4 embryo and one 6 cell grade 3 embryo = slow rising betas for 2+ weeks = ectopic MTX shot 4/29/15
    Repeat c-scar surgery June 2015
    2nd and last IVF cycle August 2015, stimmed for 12 days, 2 egg retrieved, both mature and both fertilized.  Transferred both 8-cell embryos on Day 3, beta 9/5/15 = BFFN
    MOVING TO ADOPTION!  


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  • libby+natelibby+nate member
    @traceyt07 this is freaking horrible! I'm so,so sorry!!! Who does that?!
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  • FrenchteachermamaFrenchteachermama member
    @traceyt07 I teach in an inner city school where during any given year we have about 10 girls younger than 16 pregnant. It's so hard to watch. They also have no shame! I have to be careful what I wear EVERY day or they will ask me if I'm pregnant! I try to teach them that it is inappropriate and rude to ask anyone that but they do anyway!!!



    imageimageimage
    image
    My FF Chart:
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/490dd7
    TTC #3 since June 2013
    BFP #1 7/21/2013--EDD 3/30/14--D&C 9/24/13
    BFP #2 1/28/14--MC 2/7/14
    IUI #1 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #2 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #3 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IVF #1, Stimmed for 12 days, ER 8/22/14, 9 retrieved, 7M, 7F!!  Freeze all due to fluid in uterus.
    FET end of October 2014 cancelled due to fluid in uterus due to possible c-scar defect
    Surgery scheduled 12/12/14 to fix possible isthmocele
    3/26/15 transferred one 8 cell grade 4 embryo and one 6 cell grade 3 embryo = slow rising betas for 2+ weeks = ectopic MTX shot 4/29/15
    Repeat c-scar surgery June 2015
    2nd and last IVF cycle August 2015, stimmed for 12 days, 2 egg retrieved, both mature and both fertilized.  Transferred both 8-cell embryos on Day 3, beta 9/5/15 = BFFN
    MOVING TO ADOPTION!  


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  • FitMamaInProgressFitMamaInProgress member
    Oh I've had students (3-5years old) tell me "oh wow! You've gotten so fat!" Or on the bus sharing a seat yesterday- "you're so big and fat" um like not even that big- mean children. But I gained 10 lbs during pregnancy and 5 after from emotionally eating (something I don't usually do) coworkers are still congratulating me... And parents keep asking if I'm "better" bc I was out for nearly 2.5 weeks
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  • FitMamaInProgressFitMamaInProgress member
    Today at lunch- my husband and I were waiting for a table and a pregnant woman walked by. I do this thing where I take in huge deep breaths to try and hold back the tears. He's finally caught on to what I'm doing when I start doing it. Then, someone sits down next to me with their newborn. To make matters worse, When we set down the people behind us were giving each other baby gifts because they were both pregnant… I'm so emotional and so upset that I keep getting in fights with my husband. I walked away and we took separate buses home (we live in the city) ... Ugh!!! I want this to be over!!!
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  • masterofallcheesemasterofallcheese member
    @fitmama, ugh i hear you i hate how everywhere i see pregnant people or people with a newborn!!! even when i stay home and isolate myself from "sightings" i see a commercial on TV or get some other reminder. i definitely need a better coping mechanism than tightening all my muscles until i can go somewhere and cry but i havent found it yet.

    Missed M/C natural cycle 10/2013

    DX PCOS 3/2014

    2 cycles Clomid 50 mg + Ovidrel + TI

    1 cycle Clomid 50 mg + TI - no response stair-stepped to Clomid 75 mg + Ovidrel + TI

    1 cycle Clomid 50 mg + Ovidrel + IUI

    1 cycle Letrozole 7.5 mg + 150 mg Follistim + Ovidrel + TI

    1 cycle Letrozole 7.5 mg + 150 mg Folistim + Ovidrel + IUI

    1 cycle Letrozole 7.5 mg + 150 mg Follistim  - no response, repeated Letrozole 7.5 mg + 150 mg Follistim + Ovidrel + IUI = success! 12/2014

    Beta 1 - 15 dpiui, 324, Beta 2 - 17 dpiui 750. Twins!!

    My Blog: pcosandpizza.blogspot.com


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