Should I do a sensitive "sensitivity training"?

HeathernSteven · October 2013

I started a part time job last week, within the first hour I was asked if I had children 3x! I get it, people are curious they look for common ground, but holy crap and there I was in the 2ww waiting for today to test. (no this wasn't HR questions curious coworkers all ladies).

I am tempted to go back and politely mention how they had each rocked me because its something that I deal with almost daily. Possibly direct them to be a smidge more sensitive in their questions to others in the future. You know I don't even think I was wearing my wedding ring either.

Or should I let it go? THoughts.....I do kinda wish I thought to reply, "No infertile thanks for reminding me" Of course if I say something I will be polite about it.

gscoville · October 2013

IFinTN said:

I think I is a natural question. As long as they don't pry when you say "no" or "not yet", I say give them a pass:)

I agree, it's such a natural question for anyone meeting someone new, and I also agree with giving them a pass if they leave it at 'no' or 'not yet' without prying further. It's the ones that continue to poke with 'why' or 'don't you like children' or some such that deserve both barrels and need to be taught about sensitivity!

KateLouise · October 2013

Having friends and family who have struggled with infertility and late term losses, I very seldom ask people if they have children, although I know sometimes I've been thoughtless.

If you're going to say something then I guess you need to decide what you want the outcome to be.
Do you want them just to be more aware of what questions they ask people they meet? Do you want them to not dicuss children around you? Do you want to discuss more about your situation with them?

I'm thinking that if you said something like, "when you asked me about children the other day, I was caught off guard because we would like to have children very much, but have been unable to so far." then they may feel like they should never mention children around you.

Assuming you want to feel free to have conversations about their own kids etc, and depending on whether you want to be free to discuss your own situation you might add something like, "I'm happy to hear about other people's children, and I'm ok talking about my situation, it was just a jolt to think about it when I met some new people."

However, Assuming you think you might develop some kind of friendship with these people, then maybe you could let conversations naturally happen, and perhaps if you get closer to some of them and you end up sharing some of your story then it might be an opportunity to say, "I remember when we first met and you asked me about children, that was really tough..."

wendylouwhoknew · October 2013

^ what she said.

mindaa · October 2013

IFinTN said:

I think I is a natural question. As long as they don't pry when you say "no" or "not yet", I say give them a pass:)

Agree with PP. But this is where office gossip can be useful, haha... if first person that asks would just spread the word to the rest of the team, they wouldn't all have repeat the same, awkward question!

hooligans4 · October 2013

I think it is just a get to know you question. But I have to say that it was something I would have asked before I realized that getting pregnant was always easy.
My first 2 children were happy surprises and back then I just assumed that people got pregnant without any trouble.
I would always ask married couples without children when they were going to start. I realize now how insensitive I was.
I have not been using BC for 9 years and have only gotten pregnant once and that ended in a loss. So now I NEVER ask anyone about having children. It hurts me when I'm asked if we are going to have another so I wouldn't want to do that to anyone else. But people who have children or have never had IF issues wouldn't think it sometinng not to talk about.
If you do end up getting closer to any of those woman I would let them know that it bothered you and they shouldn't ask that and just wait for pese to bring up if they have children.
And congrats on the new job.

ksgsmu · October 2013

KateLouise summed up my thoughts exactly....

I know it hurts, but I wouldn't say anything unless they push you or as you develop a closer relationship with them.

HeathernSteven · October 2013

Thanks Ladies, as always this group is full wisdom. If/when (cause I am sure it will) the situation arises again, I will say something then, until then I will let it go.

It can just be so frustrating!!! Thank you all!!

BeckyP005 · October 2013

Heather I went to get my nails done after work and instead of getting asked do I have any kids it was how many do I have...lol.

I just started laughing thinking about your post. Hang in there and great news on starting the new job!

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