Scared - 1st time Mom attempting Natural Birth

KellyScott04 · August 2013

I am quite positive that this is not the FIRST EVER post regarding being a a tad petrified of an impending delivery. I'm 38 weeks, 3 cm dilated and 60% effaced and as THE day approaches, I find my nerves getting the best of me. Going into my pregnancy there was NO doubt in my mind that I was going to opt for an epidural. Then I switched from my original Dr. and began seeing midwives and had a lot of discussions with them about natural birth. I am now 100% positive that I want to have our baby boy the natural route but terrified of the pain involved. I've watched videos on natural birth and talked to countless mothers who've experienced a natural birth with their LO's and every story is obviously different. I'm trying to reach out and find a way to ease my mind so I can enter into the delivery with a peaceful aura rather than a frantic one. I laugh because I know I'll be a deer in headlights on D day but if anyone has any words of advice on how to find my "happy place" or any methods of relaxation that worked well for them, I am ALL ears (well, eyes).

Thanks so much!
Kelly
~*~*~*~*~*~Our little Liam Charles will be here ANY day now~*~*~*~*~*~

Luv2Run1st · August 2013

There is a fear clearing CD thru hypnobabies that you might want to get a hold of. The pregnancy and birth affirmations are also helpful. Don't read anything negative or talk to those who will tell you negative stories about birth right now. Read Ina May Gaskin's Childbirth book...quick super encouraging read about how your body can do it...if you haven't already.

You can do it if you can put the fear aside and let your body take over.

KellyScott04 · August 2013

Luv2Run1st said:

There is a fear clearing CD thru hypnobabies that you might want to get a hold of. The pregnancy and birth affirmations are also helpful. Don't read anything negative or talk to those who will tell you negative stories about birth right now. Read Ina May Gaskin's Childbirth book...quick super encouraging read about how your body can do it...if you haven't already. You can do it if you can put the fear aside and let your body take over.

I have not read that book yet. Looking into it now

Thank you!

Khaleesi07 · August 2013

@kellyscott04 I'm a FTM and currently reading Ina May's book. It's been wonderful so far! I've been doing the hypnobabies home study as well. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still a little nervous, but most of my nerves have shifted into excitement as it gets closer to birthing time. All of the positive natural birth stories in Ina May's book has helped with that so much!

KellyScott04 · August 2013

Khaleesi07 said:

@kellyscott04 I'm a FTM and currently reading Ina May's book. It's been wonderful so far! I've been doing the hypnobabies home study as well. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still a little nervous, but most of my nerves have shifted into excitement as it gets closer to birthing time. All of the positive natural birth stories in Ina May's book has helped with that so much!

I just purchased it on my Kindle so I've started reading it. No time to waste, lol. The one thought I've been clinging to is the end result, seeing our baby boy for the first time. *Deep breaths

NatesCupcake47 · August 2013

KellyScott04 said:

Khaleesi07 said:

@kellyscott04 I'm a FTM and currently reading Ina May's book. It's been wonderful so far! I've been doing the hypnobabies home study as well. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still a little nervous, but most of my nerves have shifted into excitement as it gets closer to birthing time. All of the positive natural birth stories in Ina May's book has helped with that so much!

I just purchased it on my Kindle so I've started reading it. No time to waste, lol. The one thought I've been clinging to is the end result, seeing our baby boy for the first time. *Deep breaths

I also loved this book! I found it good to split up the stories with more of the in depth information in the back of the book.

nicholssquared · August 2013

There's no medal or even medical advantage to being zen during labor. If you're scared, admit to yourself that it's okay if you freak out a little bit when you experience contractions. You can still have a natural birth if you admit to yourself that the contractions are going to hurt in advance and don't hold it against yourself, your body, or your ability if you don't handle them like a masterful ballerina.

I flailed around like I was having an exorcism with my first labor. I cried, got angry, tried to leave the room, passed out and threw up. I lost my shit. But, still did it naturally (and it was so worth it!). It doesn't make you any less of a woman if you think it sucks to be in pain.

KellyScott04 · August 2013

BrittAnnie19 said:

I definitely found the hypnobirthing (The Mongan Method) book helpful for relieving the last bit of fears I had. It was also helpful for me to keep in mind all the reasons I didn't want different medications and why natural birth was important to me. Remind yourself that no meds doesn't mean no relief in any sort from pain, that movement, water, meditation, certain positions, etc are all different tools and techniques you have to help manage pain.

In the end remind yourself that it's ok to feel pain and react however you want in labor. I think the toughest part for me was some of the prepping I'd done gave me the idea that it's possible to feel little to no pain (maybe for some women, but wasn't true in my case) and be the perfect picture of bliss during delivery. I wasn't the woman on Youtube calmly dishing up honeydew melon for her toddler, or singing beautifully through a contraction, or looking like I was asleep through transition. I kind of beat myself up over this because I felt like I lost my shit in labor. I wasn't frantically yelling in screaming like in the cheesy TV shows, but I definitely was not completely calm, cool and collected the entire time either. And that's ok. It actually took me to several days after birth to be ok with it. Also, remind yourself that when you really are starting to lose it, you very well may be closer than you think to being done.

Good luck!

I love this because I had just mentioned to my DH the other day that I will more than likely NOT be one of the women who are calmly breathing through their contractions and delivery. As you put it, I will most likely "lose my shit" and THAT is definitely what I do want to be ok with. I don't want to feel bad for not keeping my cool or dropping a few swear words or even crying for that matter. It's nice to be able to relate to someone in that respect! Thanks so much for sharing your experience!

KellyScott04 · August 2013

nicholssquared said:

There's no medal or even medical advantage to being zen during labor. If you're scared, admit to yourself that it's okay if you freak out a little bit when you experience contractions. You can still have a natural birth if you admit to yourself that the contractions are going to hurt in advance and don't hold it against yourself, your body, or your ability if you don't handle them like a masterful ballerina.

I flailed around like I was having an exorcism with my first labor. I cried, got angry, tried to leave the room, passed out and threw up. I lost my shit. But, still did it naturally (and it was so worth it!). It doesn't make you any less of a woman if you think it sucks to be in pain.

LoL - This is great bc regardless of how many positive thoughts I keep circulating through my head, I know myself, and I know I will more than likely also be flailing around. It ain't going to be pretty and peaceful, that's for sure. But being able to read the experiences and words of encouragement helps a boat load!

AmyRI · August 2013

Concentrating on each contraction actually helped me. Being focused on it, and expriencing it, kept me from being afraid of it. Once you live through one contraction, you know what to expect when the next one comes. They all feel the same - just a different intensity. And honestly, it comes on slowly. The contractions build. You start out with nice long breaks between them with plenty of time to take a deep breath and regroup. I was not always calm, and I was not always quiet, but I was never panicked.

JCWhitey · August 2013

See if you can find an MP3 or something of "Pregnancy Affirmations". Listen to them at night and as you drive. Sometimes just hearing these positive words of encouragement is enough to ease those fears a little bit. Here's a YouTube video I found: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSXc-a_AH2k

With my labor, to be perfectly honest, it wasn't really that painful, just intense. I had 1 minute contractions that were only 1 minute apart from the moment they started so I never got a "break" in between. They were no worse than a really bad period cramp, but constant and there was nothing I could do for them (usually for a period cramp I'd take a pain killer and in 20 minutes they'd be gone). But my contraction labor only lasted 3 hours or so... Anyway, I'm pretty sure what helped me get through it was the positive affirmations I kept saying to myself over and over. Things like "I can do this", "I was made to do this", etc.

Hey, and if it helps, I like to think of the positive parts of going natural after birth is over. A lot of girls on my date board are experiencing really bad lower back pain from their epis. Enough that they are having difficulty sleeping and taking Tylenol to relieve the pain. And not just one, several are reporting this. Another has been having chronic migraines since her deliver 3 weeks ago. Personally, I'll take a few hours of pain now for the easy recovery that I had. I was up and walking around and ready to go on with my life a few hours after he was born!

KellyScott04 · August 2013

See if you can find an MP3 or something of "Pregnancy Affirmations". Listen to them at night and as you drive. Sometimes just hearing these positive words of encouragement is enough to ease those fears a little bit. Here's a YouTube video I found: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSXc-a_AH2k

With my labor, to be perfectly honest, it wasn't really that painful, just intense. I had 1 minute contractions that were only 1 minute apart from the moment they started so I never got a "break" in between. They were no worse than a really bad period cramp, but constant and there was nothing I could do for them (usually for a period cramp I'd take a pain killer and in 20 minutes they'd be gone). But my contraction labor only lasted 3 hours or so... Anyway, I'm pretty sure what helped me get through it was the positive affirmations I kept saying to myself over and over. Things like "I can do this", "I was made to do this", etc.

Hey, and if it helps, I like to think of the positive parts of going natural after birth is over. A lot of girls on my date board are experiencing really bad lower back pain from their epis. Enough that they are having difficulty sleeping and taking Tylenol to relieve the pain. And not just one, several are reporting this. Another has been having chronic migraines since her deliver 3 weeks ago. Personally, I'll take a few hours of pain now for the easy recovery that I had. I was up and walking around and ready to go on with my life a few hours after he was born!

I am definitely going to use this. I just took a break from work and sat back and watched the Youtube video. How affective! I saved the link I have read about the negative effects of epis and that alone makes me want to experience the labor naturally mainly bc I know I can do it. My husband is a firefighter/EMT so he likes to share with me all the gruesome details of the possible outcomes/side effects of epis, not to be mean but, as he says, "just to keep me informed". In my mind, I feel like I will be able to go into a state where contractions won't be too intense for me to handle. I know this is my first time and I definitely don't have an unrealistic view on how bad contractions can potentially be but I truly feel they are something I can overcome. My fear comes with the ripping and tearing but slowly, with all the encouragement, I'm pushing past that fear.

abell77 · August 2013

It's normal to be scared. I have had two med free births and am planning my third now. I can say without a doubt I have never regretted my decision, obviously since I'm doing it again. I have not felt traumatized by med free birth whatsoever, and my first in particular was not easy. Try to remind yourself that it is pain with a purpose. Remind yourself that you are safe and not in danger, nothing bad is happening to you, it's just your body doing it's job to bring your baby out to meet you. Remind yourself of all the things you've learned about the health benefits for both you and baby. I used to think about pioneer women, as silly as that sounds. I would remind myself how women for centuries were doing this without meds and that I could too. Good Luck!

kwrecks · August 2013

I am in the exact same boat as you. I had plans on having an epidural, and changed to a midwife and became 100% convinced that I am going to go all natural. There are a couple things that I've been told that helps to give me confidence when I get nervous. The first is to make sure that you know and are aware that it's going to hurt. If you think to yourself that you're going to get through it without too much pain, then your mind gets confused when there is pain. If you tell yourself that it's going to hurt, and probably a lot, then you are ready for it, you expect it, and you'll figure out how to handle it. Also, take each contraction one at a time. Don't think of how long you have ahead of you. Think of all the things you've done. Each contraction you get through is one less that you have to go through before it's all over and your baby is here. And I've also been told that most of the time, when you get to a point where you feel like you're going to die and you can't make it without an epidural, it's usually the transition and you are basically in the home stretch. Plus, usually by that time, it's either too late to get an epidural, or by the time you have gotten the epidural and it kicks in, you are basically done. So just remember, it's going to hurt, but take things one at a time and when you think you can't take it anymore, you're almost there!!

nosoup4u · August 2013

nicholssquared said:
...I lost my shit. But, still did it naturally (and it was so worth it!). It doesn't make you any less of a woman if you think it sucks to be in pain.

Ah, totally this!

I planned on having a med-free birth both times, and I was still pretty worried about being able to handle contractions the first time around. You've gotten some good advice on here already, but I will add make sure you have ways to get yourself calm. It doesn't have to be Hypnobabies/birth - I did serious deep breathing and focused on whatever was near me to get through the really intense parts. And vocalization really helps, too - it's okay to make noise during labor.

Good luck, you'll do great!

Ducktale · August 2013

nicholssquared said:

I lost my shit. But, still did it naturally.

I. Love. This. I think my new birth motto may be "I may have lost my shit, but I lost my shit naturally"

musicalmama5 · August 2013

I lost my shit too.

Let's face it, childbirth ain't nothing nice. But it's soooooo worth it to do it naturally if that's what you want. You are a WOMAN. You can do this! Remember that your body was 100% made for this. Become an animal lol. Yes, it hurts- I'm not going to lie to you- but it's nothing more than you can handle.

Weirdly enough, the thing that helped me the most was knowing that at any point I could just get an epidural. It was always there in the back of my head. And if you get it, you're still a warrior.

My nurse kept telling me, "It's just for one day, then there's no more pain." And after each contraction she told me, "Well, you can cross that one off the list! You're one contraction closer to meeting your baby!" Those things helped.

Channel your inner amazon. You got this, girl.

KellyScott04 · August 2013

I love all the comments about "losing your shit" bc as serene as I'd like to think I can be during this whole process.....I know I will most likely lose my shit. So at least now I can feel more confident about losing my shit but doing it naturally, lol. That is awesome. Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. I'm sitting here like a ticking time bomb and could go any day now; so nerve wrecking but I am SOOOO excited to meet our baby boy. Ahhhh, crazy. Thanks for all the well wishes ladies. The feedback on this post has been amazing!!

Rmccaw13 · August 2013

I'm a FTM as well and wish to have a natural birth. I am definitely going to be using the "lost my shit, but lost my shit naturally" mantra. A friend of mine also says its European guilt you can use against your kids... Lol " mom went through "x" amount of hours of labour without any meds... And this is the grief you give her" lol. I'm told that you forget the pain but you don't forget the feeling of being able to feel your baby come out and Im told its an amazing experience.

mrsbhk22 · August 2013

You've gotten some great advice already. My best advice is the repeat: this can't last forever. It's not like pain of an injury. It's different when you can remind yourself that it's temporary.

Also, don't fight the contractions. It's hard, but try to let go and let them do their thing. It's not always pretty, hence the losing your shit comments, but contractions are much more effective when you aren't fighting them.

shelbywilliams · August 2013

Love your horse siggy pic, BTW!!

lindsey1427 · August 2013

This is great advice for me, too. Thanks ladies!!

abirdd9 · August 2013

What helped me cope the most was that I went into labor looking forward to the experience, not fearing it. Millions of women before me have lived through the pain and I would too. I knew that, whether I liked it or not, childbirth was going to hurt and that's just the way it is. I embraced the sensations and reminded myself that with each mind numbing/gut wrenching pain my baby was coming closer and closer to being in my arms.

mlrafiki · August 2013

I love this thread so much! I lost my shit, too.... I was doing great with contractions, but once my body started bearing down, all bets were off and I was screaming like a maniac! Thank God for my doula: she parked herself about an inch from my face and kept saying, "DON'T SCREAM, JUST PANT" and then she panted with me like a dog. LOL.

Natural birth is so glamorous.

8-}

BabeDebolt · August 2013

Agreed---positive posting on the girls here on this thread. Im an athlete since 5 years old so I have taken my mind to where my labor day/night is like "game day". I remember an All-American athlete and my coach at the time telling me back in the day before games, "if you're not nervous, you're not ready." So, same for labor. Nerves are healthy, normal, and good. So believing this, I plan on embracing the experience instead of denying it or running away from whats coming. As a previous post said, try to switch your mind to look forward to it instead of fearing it and telling yourself "you were made to handle this". I loved reading that. Every woman just needs to believe it. All the best!

debbiepascoe · August 2013

With my first, I entered it saying, "I think I want to do this naturally -- but if I change my mind during labor, I want the drugs." As it was, there was no time for the drugs because she came so fast -- but I can tell you from the perspective of someone who had a natural labor that it really hurts. And that you can do it. You will survive. Besides, the end result is pretty worth it. That said, I'm on my second pregnancy now and I'm entering it with the memory of the first (which is probably less scary than the whole not knowing thing) with the same, "I'm going to try to do this naturally but if I ask for drugs, I want 'em." Good luck to you!!!

RMama2012 · August 2013

AmyRI said:

Concentrating on each contraction actually helped me. Being focused on it, and expriencing it, kept me from being afraid of it. Once you live through one contraction, you know what to expect when the next one comes. They all feel the same - just a different intensity. And honestly, it comes on slowly. The contractions build. You start out with nice long breaks between them with plenty of time to take a deep breath and regroup. I was not always calm, and I was not always quiet, but I was never panicked.

This was my experience exactly. It was a veryyy long labor but it progressed over time so I was able to handle it. I just didn't think too much about it. I never watched videos either because I knew that would scare me a lot more. I knew what s going to happen but I didn't think about it very much. I was in labor and still not thinking about how DS was getting out. Just take it one contraction at a time.

HNRomance · August 2013

FTM here but I plan to go natural too. Our society has really embraced the better living through chemistry approach but some things should be done with minimal intervention. You aren't sick, you are pregnant. I actually felt better watching some of the home birth videos. Talk about Amazon women! It is powerful to see. Now I have a good idea of what my body will do. For me, that takes away the fear of the unknown. It hurts, you deal and the end result is the new life you created.

WolFox · August 2013

I've been thinking about going natural for years now, but whenever I catch an episode of "A Baby Story" it tends to reinforce it. I was just switching channels the other day and some woman with an oxygen mask on was all drugged out and numb and hooked up to an IV... DO NOT WANT.

I'm not anti-hospital or anti-medication. If things become overwhelming or there are complications, then I'll do what's best for me and my baby's health. That doesn't mean, however, that I won't try my damndest to go natural. If there are complications, that's what hospitals are for... but in an ideal world I don't want my birth to be a medical experience. I want to connect with my labor, connect with my baby...

MCRM22011 · August 2013

I had my son naturally in March (he was 9lbs 5oz too). Having a great support system is necessary. My husband was my coach. It is going to be in your best interest to have someone in the room with you who has your vision in mind and can coach you through the labor (husband, mom, sister, friend, etc.) And yes, it is going to be the worst pain of your life, but it will eventually be over.

xkittyxbearx · August 2013

I found it really helpful to count through my contractions to get an idea of how long they lasted then I would remind myself that they would be over around a certain number and I just had to make it till then. Reminding yourself that it won't last forever is always a good option in my books lol.

NatesCupcake47 · August 2013

I love this thread! Thank you ladies for all of your advice. As a FTM and through all of the research I have done I have found myself looking forward to the birth of my daughter and I've embraced the process as another "adventure" to cross off my list. I'm hoping this helps :-)

MariaKeegs · August 2013

I'm waiting for natural birth number four and, believe me, it never gets easier to face!! It's a daunting, exhausting task but at the same time the most amazing, exhilarating thing you will ever be a part of. The truth is, you CAN do it. Your body knows exactly what to do- women have literally been doing it since the beginning of time. It's fear and our minds that get in the way. Like previous posters said, surround yourself with strong, inspirational stories if how empowering birth is. It's amazing. And every time the baby comes out, I say, wow, that wasn't so bad!! Haha!! Take one contraction at a time. I think of it as a version of interval training. I can do anything for one minute. You can do it!!!!

Jecca07 · August 2013

You can do it! Do NOT completely rule out medications. For my first, I was induced, strapped to the bed, hooked to multiple machines (one of which was a VERY uncooperative blood pressure monitor), and not allowed to get up or do anything other than roll from side to side. I received phenergan to help me relax. The induction made my contractions happen 1-2 minutes with an occasional 5 minute break, so I literally didn't have time to relax between contractions, which means my cervix wouldn't dilate, which made labor last longer. Minutes before I felt the need to push, I whispered to my husband that I might need the epidural, but later I realized that was transition. So, I always want to tell women, yes, if you want to go for a natural birth, DO IT! But don't decide ahead of time to absolutely not get any meds, because if it does turn out that you need some, you really don't want to be disappointed with your birth experience. My only disappointment was with the way the doctors and nurses ignored my requests. Natural birth was awesome! The human body is soooo much stronger than people believe. I really really appreciated it during pushing. I don't remember pain during pushing, just desire to reach that ending goal.

Snufflyfluffy · August 2013

I love what my mom told me before I gave birth naturally (she had me at home), that you can do anything for a day, and at the end of it you get a prize.

If asked if my birth experiance was awesome, I would say no, it sucked. It was horrible, but I had the most amazing people helping me and when DH asked if I will have the next one that way, I said most likely because I loved that I was able to walk around within like half an hour and how alert DS and I both were.

spawill · October 2013

It really comes down to a well informed choice via education. Despite what everyone else says or their experience only you will know once you have all the information at hand. I would say attend birthing classes to prepare you before and after. I attend online classes only because myself and my partner found them more convenient and it worked well around our busy schedule. Check out this site for further information www.childbirthprogram.com

texasmommie · October 2013

This is a great thread... I am also a FTM, and plan to do a natural birth mainly because I do not want to be stuck in my back with a needle (with back problems already). People ask if im scared and at this moment I do not feel scared. Just a little anxious and curious how its all going to plan out. I know its going to hurt and I know its not going to be rainbows and sunshines, but at the end it will be all worth it to hold our little girl. Ive been reading stories on natural births, and of course not one person says it was easy breezy. I know us women have it in us to do this, and if a natural birth is what you want, then stick to your guns... and just know that back in the old days, natural was the only way they had.. so IT CAN BE DONE! Good luck to all FTMs and natural births and thank you to those STMs that shared their story/opinions.

shelbyholden · October 2013

I'm 32 weeks and planning to labor and delivery naturally. When I get nervous I think of this:
We always correlate pain with being something bad in the body. It's our body's way of telling us to stop doing something or that we've become injured in some way. This has made us have bad connotations about labor pain. However, pain in labor means that our bodies are doing exactly what they are supposed to do! With each moment of pain you are that much closer to seeing your baby. When you feel the pain it is your body hugging and moving your baby down and out closer to the world. Think of it as a positive thing. Even though it is not comfortable to experience, know that it is completely normal, good, and necessary. Your mind is very strong and will be able to handle it much better if you think of it this way.

Also don't try to fight the pain. Don't think too much about when the pain will end or how you just want it to be over with. Be in the moment and focus on what is happening to your body and baby now. Try to do deep belly breathes too. Breathing this way forces your body to relax.

Good luck!

samiaf · October 2013

I didn't read all the responses so I don't know if this has already been said. Watching videos is good. Reading books with positive vibes and stories is good. But after 5 vaginal births, I think it is about the people there with you. Encouraging people who can tell you how great your doing, things to try to cope, keeping you focused on what is coming soon. I taught childbirth classes and been a doula. I was so privileged to be there and to see these families become families. I always tried my best to offer hope,encouragement, strategies, and smiles that everything is going just as it should. So read, watch, and have the support.

mexicolombiana · October 2013

I'm a little late here but I totally LOST MY SHI* during my 2nd natural birth. I was screaming and thrashing and terrified. I told the midwife to rip the baby out of me. She was awesome and really helped me get through it with her calm attitude.

At some point she told me to stop screaming and instead hold in all the pressure and push with it. That really helped!

My births were awesome but not calm or serene. Ha no way. But that's ok they were still great!

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