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DH doesn't want SF there

Sunday924Sunday924 member
edited October 2013 in Blended Families
BM # 2 wanted to put SS in Boy Scouts. DH thought it would be a great idea. The meetings are every Tuesday. DH asked BM if they could each just take him on their own week ( they don't get along). She said no that wasn't going to happen and she (and SF) would be there every week. DH doesn't love it but he is fine with it and goes the weeks he doesn't have him when he can (other SS plays football at the same time). There is a camping trip coming up on DH's weekend. BM wants SF to go. It's the only weekend we have SS in November because of thanksgiving so he doesn't want to share it. Not that he would want to anyway. Is it fine to put his foot down and tell BM that SF can't go? He could still go if he wanted to I guess. Anyone else think this is strange? BM would flip out if this was a thing for mothers and I was trying to go.
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Re: DH doesn't want SF there

  • Sunday924Sunday924 member
    edited October 2013
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  • JessH1474JessH1474 member

    Does DH get along with SF at all?  If so, could he possibly just talk to him and let him know that he appreciates SF being supportive of DS he'd really for this to be something that just he and DS do as it's his first trip? I'm not sure what your timesharing schedule is or how long BM and SF have been together but clearly SF feels he should be just as entitled to go as DH is.  I can defintely understand where your husband is coming from, but I don't know that he can really tell him he can't go if the scout leader is ok with it since it's something the troop is doing. 

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  • KTdiditKTdidit member
    edited October 2013

    I think SF is overstepping his bounds. It sounds like your DH has been involved in SS's Scouts fairly regularly, intends to go on the camping trip, and it is his weekend. I can understand the SF wanting to be involved in his SS's activities (my Dh would want to be involved if DS ever joined scouts and did that stuff), but if your DH is involved and going I think SF should step back. I have no advice as to how to make that clear, other than your DH telling BM that he is not comfortable with SF going and would like to spend HIS weekend with SS.

    ETA: you said "BM wants SF to go". Does SF even WANT to go?! I would imagine it would be awkward for SF. Sounds like BM is trying to force something. 

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  • Sunday924Sunday924 member
    They don't not get along. He was just there every step of the way of BM making DH's life hell and trying to take SS away from DH. Texting him is a good idea. I'm sure SF wants to go but I also think he would step back if asked....he seems like nice enough guy. But I know (ok I'm pretty sure) that BM runs the show over there and won't allow him to step back.
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  • akflutterbyakflutterby member
    How old is SS? Does HE want SF to go? I totally understand not wanting to share, and think it's reasonable to put a foot down obviously, but if kiddo wants them both (and you can't really STOP SF from going) let the kid have a say if he cares.
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  • Sunday924Sunday924 member
    SS is 6. I'm sure he would love it if they both went. He is a very loving kid that asks us to spend the night at his mom's all the time and doesn't understand why his brothers and sisters here can't go over there too.
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    My weekend my rules.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    Your husband needs to inform BM, not ask, that he is going. He is entitled and should go. I wouldn't worry about the awkwardness. That's his son. Plus, men are different than women. I think the stepdad will back out.
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • IlumineIlumine member
    Honestly, I would contact my Lawyer about this.   

    The purpose of visitation is to allow the NCP to create/grow a relationship with his/her child(ten).  That cannot be accomplished when the CP or CSP is always around.  

    The child is not going to be open and honest with the NCP because of fear - be it fear of hurting the CP/CSP's feelings or real fear that the CP/CSP will punish him/her after the meeting. 

    This is YOUR DH's time.  SF is taking away from YOUR DH's time.  So it is time to take this to the courts.  

    Or, if you do not want to go straight to the lawyer, you can go the passive aggressive route. 
    I would have DH start showing up to the BM's Boy Scout events.  I mean really what can she say to you all.  THe same reasoning applies NO?
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  • SueBearSueBear member
    I agree that BM and SF are interfering with DH time. I would go the lawyer, not passive-aggressive route. If you don't want to go through your lawyer, the spell out he issue as illume has done, and tell them if BM / SF don't back off on his weekends, DH will consult with his lawyer. However, he has to be prepared to follow through if nothing changes.
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  • twister22twister22 member
    I'm not sure if the courts will do anything. Boy Scouts is an extra curricular activity, and judges are typically of the belief that all parents can attend all extra curricular activities. I'm not sure how involved/intense SS's Boy Scout meetings are, though. When I was a kid my parents led my brother's Boy Scout den (is that the right word?) for awhile, and it was typically just them and the boys, and parents would only attend if something more eventful was happening. However, when he got older (and my parents were no longer leading) all the parents were there. I'm not sure what changed, although maybe it was the meetings used to be at school, right after school, and then they moved to a random church in the evenings. A camping trip is a bigger deal, and if SF attends all meetings it's not a big stretch for him to attend the camping trip. However, I think it is disrespectful and stepping on SF's toes, especially since DH is an involved father. I think the best approach would be for DH to speak with SF himself, and let him know that he would appreciate it if SS and him could just have some bonding time themselves this weekend, especially since it's his weekend.

    If they won't step down, I would threaten to not have SS attend if they insist on having SF there. After all, it is your DH's weekend and he truly has no obligation to take SS. Hopefully that would work, because I don't think it would actually be good for SS to miss a camping trip just because his parents can't get along.
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    I would threaten not to bring him to meetings or events on your time if they won't let your DH bond.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • mom2onemom2one member
    Since your DH is the dad and it's his weekend, I don't see ANY need for the SF to go. That's ridiculous. If it was Mom's weekend, Mom should go without Dad.
    Stay at Home Mama to 3 Beautiful Children by the miracles of Birth & Adoption
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