Preparing for mediation appt.

bebe11 · October 2013

I have mediation on Monday, and I REALLY want to be prepared and to hopefully resolve everything, to avoid going to court (after my first atty. bill, I am terrified what the next one will look like if we go to court). If you have any advice to offer, I am all ears. Keep in mind that my ex husband is irrational and has power struggles and likes to be right 100% of the time.

I am willing to be cordial and compramise, but not willing to step down from taking away the wednesday overnights during the school year. My attorney already sent ex a letter with the offer of Wednesday evenings (rather than overnights) and he ignored it. I am just a little discouraged that it is just going to be a waste of time, because he won't agree to any changes. And I get a little bit of anxiety when I have to be in the same room with him.

CFjo2010 · October 2013

Have you thought about asking to be seen separately? That Courthouse allows it, even without a prior DVRO. DH and BM had to do this because DH would get so frustrated with BM's false accusations and "woe is me" act. It took a lot longer to do it this way, but that was really the only way there was going to be any sort of resolution. BM and DH couldn't interrupt each other, and it was far more productive. Maybe if you and BD go in separately and lay out what you want to modify, he won't feel as attacked or like he needs to "prove" anything to you.

But ultimately, I say you just be prepared to walk into mediation tomorrow with a "hope for the best, expect the worst" attitude. If things get resolved, great. If not, you already have legal representation and you're prepared to go into Court and ask for a GAL for your DD.

IfMamaAintHappy · October 2013

Mediators often say that if they do their job properly, then everyone leaves somewhat unhappy. That means everyone had to compromise something. Be prepared with your list of items that you could possibly compromise on (to be kept between you and your lawyer) and those that are non-negotiable. This will ensure that your lawyer is clear on your positions in the events he has any conversations with the mediator or the other side while you are not in the room (this happens on occasion, and while he can't bind you to anything without your consent, you don't want anyone entertaining ideas that you absolutely won't agree to).

Jo's advice on asking to skip the opening joint session and go straight into separate rooms is a good one. In my experience, these face to face confrontations are detrimental when everyone is emotionally charged. It only serves to rile everyone up and you spend more time (and $) calming everyone back down and getting focused on the real issues at hand instead of the BS lodged at you.

Want a personalized experience?

Preparing for mediation appt.

Re: Preparing for mediation appt.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards