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To bedshare or not to bedshare...

99frontier99frontier member
in Attachment Parenting
So I've tried to skim through all the recent sleep/bedsharing posts to see if my issue is covered and I think I'm in the clear to go ahead and ask...

My son is 14 months old. He has NEVER been a good sleeper (besides a couple of random nights sprinkled throughout his whole life). DH and I have tried numerous sleep training approaches to no avail. Now DH and I are considering beginning to bedshare with DS. I've done it a few times here and there when nights got reeeally bad, but I think I want to give it a real go. Of course, everyone I've talked to has pretty much told me all the terrible reasons why I shouldn't start this "bad habit" now, but I also have looked into all the benefits and ya know, it just seems more natural and like it's common sense that if a baby isn't sleeping well alone, and sleeps better with mommy, then LET HIM SLEEP WITH MOMMY. 

So here are my concerns/questions that I'm hoping you lovely ladies can help me out with. Some may seem silly or may have been covered 1,000 time over already, so I apologize in advance. I just need some *helpful advice, pretty please!

1. DH and I are TTC #2. How does it work when you have a toddler sleeping in your bed AND you have a newborn (either in the bed or in a bassinet) that wakes every couple of hours to nurse? Does the toddler just get used to the cries and start sleeping through them? What about having to turn on the lamp for diaper changes/spit up/etc.? 
2. I know every child is different, but approximately how long does it take to transition a toddler to their own crib/bed?
3. When bedsharing, how do you know when the right time to make that move to their own crib/bed is?
4. Later down the road when I do transition him to his own sleep space, will it make it harder to do so if right now he starts the night in his crib then comes to bed with me when he wakes up (assuming I'm in bed)? Or if you put your child down to bed in YOUR bed from the beginning of the night, what do you do to keep them from trying to get off the bed in the event they wake up? (Remember, he's 14 months so he can stand/jump/walk/etc.)

TIA!

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Re: To bedshare or not to bedshare...

  • Emerald27Emerald27 member
    edited October 2013
    We bedshared with DS until last week. He'll be 2 next week, and we bought him a twin sized mattress to go on the floor next to our bed so that I could start the transition. Well, he loved his bed so much from the very start that he runs straight to it without even seeing our bed! He was ready.

    I nurse him to sleep in his bed and then hop up into mine. When I hear him stir or he wakes and says "mama nurse", I hop down to his bed (and often fall asleep there for a while). I'm totally happy with this arrangement as we're TTC as well!

    The way I see it, if you're TTC and start bedsharing now, that's no big deal. It can take up to a year for a healthy couple to conceive (even subsequent pregnancies) and then you have 40-42 weeks until the new baby arrives. If we were bedsharing when number 2 came along, we would have made a floor bed next to ours available for DS1, because he might have asked to sleep there and not be awakened by his sibling. ;)

    I'm an advocate of safe bedsharing and snuggling as much as possible ;) so I say go for it and if you want him out of your bed when baby 2 arrives, start transitioning him to another bed in your room a few months in advance so that he doesn't associate the move with being replaced by a baby. You'll likely both get better sleep snuggled up. Good luck!
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  • nosoup4unosoup4u member
    Everything Emerald said. DS1 moved to his own bed with absolutely no problems, in retrospect I think he was a reluctant co-sleeper. We got a mattress for DS2 around 18 mos, and it was in our room for a month or two, and then he got his own room. I spent a decent amount of time sleeping with him on it, probably about six months. But he was fine sleeping there, he just was waking a lot.

    Just try it, esp. if nothing else is working. That age was hard with both my kids, sleeping-wise. Things settled down around 18+ months.
    DS1 - Feb 2008

    DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)

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  • kcisthebombdotcomkcisthebombdotcom member
    1. We bed shared with two kids and it was nbd. Yes, ds learned to sleep through DDs night wake ups. 2. It took one night to transition. 3. We weren't really sure what the right time was. We just kept offering the bed with incentives. When he was ready he went with no fighting. 4. We started the night in the crib then moved after the first wake up. It wasn't an issue.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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