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Help.

NdsalesNdsales member
edited October 2013 in Blended Families

 

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Re: Help.

  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    Im sorry :( **hugs**

    Im sure it is upsetting being far away and not having contact. Remind me again, what does the CO say about skype and phone contact? Is she doing less than what is laid out in the CO?
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  • hopankahopanka member
    Your H is going to have to go out there, plain and simple, and quite possibly he will need to bring SS home with him. Do you realistically see any other plausible solution?
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    edited October 2013
    This happened in Iowa? I think i know of the accident. The other driver died too.

    I suggest your husband file for emergency temporary custody. He may be able to get him for a little while.
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • twister22twister22 member
    +just+j+ said:
    This happened in Iowa? I think i know of the accident. The other driver died too. I suggest your husband file for emergency temporary custody. He may be able to get him for a little while.
    There's been a change in circumstance. BM is now in a financial crisis (unable to pay her bills) and SS is truant from school and unable to receive the counseling he so desperately needs.

    How far away are you guys? Getting SS will pull him out of the town he knows, his school district, his friends, etc. Speak with a lawyer and see what your options are.
    image
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  • bebe11bebe11 member

    At the very least can you have the police do a welfare check?

    I am so sorry your SS has to go through this, that poor kid has gone through so much :(

     

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  • NdsalesNdsales member
    We are supose to skype every sunday night at 6pm, but BM rarely sticks to this. Yes, this happened in Iowa. We have yet to hear the outcome (who's fault the accident was) of the accident. We contacted out attorney and were told until BM messes up, we would not have a leg to stand on. Do you know if Iowa has Truency laws? SS was over an hour late 18 times last year, and the school did nothing. DHS said they could do welfare checks but that was about it. BM's parents are tellinng us to stay out of it, because DH offered to bring SS up here (16 hours away) thorugh the end of the semester, because BM is going to have to drive to meet us half way for thanksgiving and Christmas this year.
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    edited October 2013

    The outcome or who's fault the accident was isn't going to matter to you or your SS.

    If you are 16 hours away, then I would not pull him. I thought you would be closer.

    There are no specific truancy laws. The schools and the districts set the rules.  If the school is not responding or doing nothing, and you feel that it's seriously affecting his education then you should take it up the ladder starting with the administration office, the Principal, and then to the superintendent.

    If the school is allowing him to make those hours missed up...or he is excelling or doing above average in school, I don't think there is much will be done.

    I think you need to allow her some time - say a week - to grieve.   Back off of her. She does not need her ex harping on her on top of losing her boyfriend. Regardless of how you feel about her, she is going thru a difficult time. 

    With that said, since he is communicating with her parents, I'd express to them that he at least want to talk to his son and if they can help facilitate that, you would appreciate it.

    Try and Skype Sunday as scheduled.  Try every time per your CO. Make note if you do not make that connection and every time you do not make that connection. If she is not allowing proper contact with his father, she's in contempt and your husband can file contempt charges. 

    Do you have an Iowa lawyer?  If not - get one.  There are online ratings for lawyers. Find one that's good and keep looking until you do. 

     

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • bebe11bebe11 member

    Not that this is an excuse, but maybe cut BM a little bit of slack, she could be trying to plan his funeral and just going through a really hard time with the death.

     

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  • SueBearSueBear member
    Is there someone who can check on SS when you don't have contact? A relative or family friend? Isn't your SS very young, too young for grade school? Is this the same BF you thought was molesting SS? I hate to say it, but at least he is safe now.
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  • NdsalesNdsales member
    edited October 2013
     
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    edited October 2013
    BMs family does not get a say. Iowa does not support Grandparent's rites. So they cannot legally keep his son away from him.

    Get a good lawyer, wait for her to slip up and go for change in custody.

    If i were your DH i would be making regular trips to Iowa to see him and check on living conditions and status. In fact, I would have gone on Monday. 

    My XH almost moved back to Texas. He is staying in Iowa for DD. If she did not exist I know he would have been long gone. My point? If you are worried, maybe you two need to move to be closer.
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • WahooWahoo member
    Maybe now that BM is vulnerable it is the right time to fight for DS.  Your DH really needs to do what it takes to make the trip and ensure that SS is well cared for and document, document, document.  If BM is drunk, if she ever leaves SS, if she can't heat her house or pay her bills - - your H needs to step in.  He should go to the teachers and explain to them that he is not trying to cause trouble, but that BM has a history of problems and is going through a very rough time, and if there are any problems with his son, please contact him and report anything they think is happening.  He needs to make his presence known. 
    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
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  • NdsalesNdsales member
    I"m trying to Delete apparently one of the commenters is BM 's friends
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  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    Who? Pretty much only regs have posted
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    edited October 2013
    I highly doubt the regulars here are friends with her. However i will tell you that because i live in Iowa I heard about the accident on the news and it struck me because they mentioned two boys and my heart went out to them. When you posted this i realized immediately that was the boyfriend.

    if you think its me, I assure you its not. I have no connection to them. It was just dumb luck i saw the news story.

    If someone had mentioned this post to you from outside this board then they are lurking and know you post here. But i dont think its anyone who replied here.

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    By the way ND I just saw your message to me from yesterday. I messaged you back.
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • SigirSigir member
    I feel so badly for this whole situation. I agree though, your dh needs to get out there. Why doesn't he go?
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  • NdsalesNdsales member
    DH is flying out there this weekend, but BM and her family is stating that they will not let DH see SS. We will just have to see what happens. Just J i know it wasnt you. The person messaged me last night.
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  • NineoceansNineoceans member
    Page Fellesfairie and ask her to delete. Good luck with everything
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    They cant keep SS from his dad. Thats just asinine. I would so haul her ass to court. Get educated on the grandparent rules I told you about. They have no rites over the father. Legally they cannot keep hom from him. Take the CO to the sherriffs office.
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • SueBearSueBear member

    I agree with just+j+.  When your DH travels, he should take a copy of hte CO, and any other legal documents (copy of birth certificate, etc.) that he has. 

    The grandparents get no say, except of course if they are with BM and she follows them. But legally they have no rights to keep your H from his child.  Unless they have been appointed SS's legal guardians. 

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