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SOOOO DH's oldest getting married and still no communication

HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member
in Blended Families

My DH has two older children from 1st marriage. I don't post about them often as they are pretty estranged.

Oldest defriended DH about 2 years ago suddenly with no explanation but the relationship hadn't been great for at least a year prior to that.

Anyhow, I was bored perusing FB and came across the info that she is getting married soon. I emailed him at work to let him know just a while ago. I know he will try to put on the brave face that it doesn't bother him, but I know it is going to. She was his first born.

Ugh I am so tired of the hurt people cause each other.

 

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Re: SOOOO DH's oldest getting married and still no communication

  • Lavender PLavender P member
    Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry for your DH (and you). That is awful to think that even with a major milestone like marriage she hasn't reached out. Does he talk to the other child at all? Does he have any idea what caused it? I'm not saying it's his fault in anyway just curious as to what makes someone completely abandon a relationship with their parent.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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  • HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member

    the other child is still "FB" friends with him but doesn't do birthday notifications/Christmas nothing. I think she just keeps him friended to see pics of her half bro and sister without having to communicate.

    As far as the WHY. I think it is a mixture of jealousy and there is an issue with the boy she is engaged to. ( he is on SO list--his ex girlfriend was 16 he was 18 type deal) so my husband tried to explain to her how that would affect her life (this was a few yrs ago when they first go together). Not being able to live where they want, issues getting employment, etc.

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  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    Would he go if invited? Sometimes its best to just step back and let them do what they wanna do and learn the hard way.

    I feel bad for your DH tho. Its hard to let go I am sure.
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member

    I agree just+j. And I think that was his initial thought. Ok I'll step back and let her learn and when she figures it out we will get back to real life.  But it hasn't happened and so now here we are.

    It makes me sad for him. I see these news stories all the time the lengths that brides go to to have their dad's walk them down the aisle and here she is just blah.

    It is what it is though, like you say and honestly I am just going to try to make him feel better by deflecting and telling him "look at all the money you saved" haha Hopefully a little humor will help.

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  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    Apparently this is becoming common to disown a parent.
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • twister22twister22 member
    I'm sorry for your DH. Maybe SD will grow up a bit and extend an invitation?
    image
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  • HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member
    +just+j+ said:
    Apparently this is becoming common to disown a parent.

    That is what I am feeling. It seems more and more common place these days.
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  • HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member
    twister22 said:
    I'm sorry for your DH. Maybe SD will grow up a bit and extend an invitation?

    I don't think so. It is in less than a month and we are 1000 miles away. He would need to officially know pretty quick.
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  • twister22twister22 member
    Hopeforthebest said:
    twister22 said:
    I'm sorry for your DH. Maybe SD will grow up a bit and extend an invitation?

    I don't think so. It is in less than a month and we are 1000 miles away. He would need to officially know pretty quick.
    How sad. Would DH ask to go, if he want to be there?
    image
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  • HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member
    twister22 said:
    Hopeforthebest said:
    twister22 said:
    I'm sorry for your DH. Maybe SD will grow up a bit and extend an invitation?

    I don't think so. It is in less than a month and we are 1000 miles away. He would need to officially know pretty quick.
    How sad. Would DH ask to go, if he want to be there?

    He can't, he doesn't "technically" know about it. 

    I'm sure we will talk tonight once he gets home. I thought about throwing out the idea that he just attempt contact with her and see if she responded and told him then and then go from there, but we shall see.

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  • Pinkpenguin+Pinkpenguin+ member
    So sorry for you and your DH. We are also estranged from my oldest SD as well, and I understand how it feels to watch your DH hurt and try to not let it bother him. It's very difficult. Hopefully you can find a way to start to get a dialogue going again soon, sorry I don't have any suggestions on how to help.
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  • HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member

    DH called his mother to see if she heard anything about a wedding. She hasn't heard at all from SD in a long time either.

    Not sure what Grandma did to get "disowned" but DH seems surprisingly fine.

    I guess you can only kick/use/abuse someone (even a parent) so many times before it actually takes this kind of toll.

     

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