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Feeling guilty about relief

EatonBallardEatonBallard member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
I'm having a very hard time finding someone to relate to regarding my feelings about my miscarriage.  I'm feeling very guilty and sad, but not because of the loss of my baby.  I feel like an awful person.  This is my first pregnancy, and I was very apprehensive about it.  I wasn't sure I was ready.  Earlier this week my husband and I went in for our first appointment at 11 weeks and found out that our baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks.  Our doctor seemed very sad and sympathetic, but I didn't feel much at all. I almost felt relief.  It all seemed very factual to me.  I was scheduled for a D&C yesterday, and everyone seemed so sad and hugged me, but I didn't really have any feelings about it.  I really wish the doctors and nurses would have been less emotional.  Today I've had lots of time to think and read others' experiences, and I realize that I never really associated my pregnancy with a baby.  While I realized I was pregnant and read all about the symptoms I was having week to week, I don't think I really ever related the pregnancy with an actual baby.  While we want a family, I've never really held a newborn or related to a new mom.  This makes me sound very flaky and unprepared, but I'm someone who believes in tangible evidence and the idea of a baby seems so abstract right now.  I feel like I've been grieving today for something I didn't realize I had.  My husband was very excited to have this baby, and I'm feeling like I have my life back again.  I feel so guilty.
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Re: Feeling guilty about relief

  • giraffe2112giraffe2112 member
    edited October 2013
    Mobile bumping and my phone messed up
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  • giraffe2112giraffe2112 member
    edited October 2013
    I think it varies from woman to woman, my pregnancy was a surprise and at first I was scared and very apprehensive. I attributed it to the hormones a week after I tested I felt better and got excited about another baby. I miscarried in August and was devastated, then guilty, then angry and so on. At one point like you I actually felt relieved since we weren't really ready to add another to our family, that being said we would have loved our new baby so much but the timing wasn't right. There isn't anything wrong with you for feeling this way.(((hugs))) to you while you deal with this confusing time.

    ETA hit reply before I was finished
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  • shocked77shocked77 member
    edited October 2013
    I am just joining and haven't done an intro yet, but I just had my D&C today.  EDD was May15 and after some suspicious early US we found no heartbeat yesterday. 

    Your post really resonated and I Just wanted to let you know i feel very similar and this is our second baby and we were TTC.  But i am also a factual person and in my mind something was wrong and that is why this happened.  For me there was great relief in having conclusion. The first US was at 5 weeks and were told it was 50/50 chance the pregnancy would stick.  The roller coaster and uncertainty was very hard for me.

     I also worry that people think I am cold, but even with my first pregnancy it took till the 20 week anatomy scan for me to connect at all and i didn't REALLY connect until he was born. 

    So my 2cents is to let you know there is someone else out there who feels like you. 

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