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Parenting after a Loss
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Intro

kaniela17kaniela17 member
edited October 2013 in Parenting after a Loss
Hi ladies I'm new to this forum and board. I have a question about trying for a second child.
Dh n I always talked about having two kids. Ds is about 21 mo now n last month we decided to start trying for #2. I got a bfp a few days after maf but started bleeding a few days after that, chemical pregnancy I think. I'm going in on Thursday to check blood hcg levels. Well now dh tells me he's not 100% on #2, he doesn't want any attention taken away from ds and he's happy with how things are. I am too but I've always wanted at least two n I feel guilty now wanting another cuz I don't want ds to feel like he's being left out. I'm 30 n feel like its now or never but if never I'm gonna regret it. We waited til we were ready to ttc ds (I had wanted kids by the time I was 26) but I dont want to compromise on this anymore. I can't make him want another if he doesn't. Is there anyone who can relate? What did u do?
Baby Birthday Ticker TickerBabyFetus Ticker

BFP#1 DS 1/19/12  BFP#2 EDD 6/11/14 MC 10/9/12 BFP#3 EDD 10/3/14






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Re: Intro

  • salsa_wifeysalsa_wifey member

    I think there is always the fear with a second child that the first one will get less attention. It's true, they usually do, but is that always so bad? I think the benefits of having a sibling outway any missing attention they get. That's my opinion. That being said, if you do have a second, an active effort to help DS feel special is important too.

    My advice, talk to your husband. Find out more about how he's feeling. Is he worried that DS will lose attention or worried about loss? Does he want to wait or does he not want anymore children at all? Is he reacting to how you are hangling this potential loss? TTC can be a crazy time and I think it takes it's toll on some couples. Maybe he just needs more time. 30 is not so old, I'm 38 and ttc #3. I wanted my first by the time I was 25 but DS wasn't born until I was 34. Things rarely go as planned. It is important that you are both on board before TTC again. Marriage is about compromise and if you want another child bad enough, time won't stop you.

    Good luck!

    image 

    | <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com" style="font-size:smaller;" >Ovulation Tracker</a>[url=http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/43ff7d]
    [img]http://www.fertilityfriend.com/ticker/43ff7d/ttc.png[/img]
    [/    RA with Sjogren's Syndrome. Risk of heart block in newborn. Age: DH and I are both 38.
    BFP #1: 11/25/2007, EDD 7/28/2008 - Missed m/c (blighted ovum) 12/6/2007 6w3d, D&C 1/3/2008.
    BFP #2: 4/2008 - Natural m/c at 6w.
    Met with RE in 5/2008 full cycle analysis and SA normal. Not considered high risk for blood clots but prescribed 1 baby aspirin a day precautionary during TTC and Progesterone suppositories during 1st trimester of pregnancy.
    BFP #3: 10/17/2008. EDD 6/23/2009,  Third time's the charm! Healthy baby boy born 6/27/2009 via emergency c-section.
    BFP #4: 6/14/2011. Healthy baby boy born 2/16/2012 via elective c-section.
    BFP #5: 1/15/2014. EDD 9/22/2014.     2/17/14:.We have a BABY!!! Heart rate 167 and measuring on time. 3/10/14 u/s #2 baby measuring perfectly at 12 weeks at heart rate of 166. NT u/s was normal. Maternit21 blood draw on 3/5/14. Results back on 3/19 - Normal.  It's a BOY!!!  4/10/14 at 16 weeks, 3 days discovered baby's heart stopped at 15 weeks, 6 days. D&C 4/11/14.  Pathology results were all normal.  New information on 8/11/14 - blood test revealed 1/3 of babys blood was in mine caused, most likely, by a tear in the placenta from extreme coughing.  Doctor believes this to be the cause of death.  Repeat D&C and Hysteroscopy scheduled for 8/19/14.  My Chart

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  • kaniela17kaniela17 member
    Thanks. I know we weren't ready for kids then. This loss has really stumped us. Feels like hitting a brick wall and time has slowed down in a weird way. Dh doesn't want to talk about till at least after my next cycle. I agree with you about a sibling although dh and I were both the babies of our families so we won't be able to relate to how ds would feel. I want to keep trying and it takes how ever long it takes.
    Baby Birthday Ticker TickerBabyFetus Ticker

    BFP#1 DS 1/19/12  BFP#2 EDD 6/11/14 MC 10/9/12 BFP#3 EDD 10/3/14






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