Newborn that won't let me put him down! Help!

nurseclare9 · August 2013

I usually post in Aug 13, but figured I would start posting here as well now that baby is here!

My baby is now 1 week old and we are really struggling with nights. He doesn't want to be put down, ever. We can get him to stay calm in the swing if he is already asleep for 30min-1hr max. I don't mind carrying him most of the time during the day, but at night he will only sleep if he is curled up next to me. We bought a co-sleeper that attaches to the bed yesterday. I swaddled him, rocked him to sleep, and put him down in it and he spent about 5 min in it before having a meltdown last night. He wanted to spend the entire night attached to the boob and cuddling next to me. I gave in and we slept perfectly only waking for feeding and diaper changes. Every other night my husband and I have literally taken shifts staying up with him, but now my husband is back at work and we need a better solution quick.

My question is, if any of you have/have had a baby like this what worked for you? If you bed shared, did you do anything to make it more safe? If you did not, how did you get baby to sleep on their own?

thanks!!

momintraining2013 · August 2013

My LO will be four weeks old on Thursday, so I sympathize with getting through the adjustment period! I've come to think that so much of parenting (including caring for a newborn) depends on your personal philosophy. I personally find myself going by a philosophy similar to the one expressed in this article: https://www.lalecheleague.org/nb/law45com.html

I'm sorry I don't have any practical advice for you. Hang in there!

blush64 · August 2013

I actually just gave in and held her for every nap and night time sleep. She's two months now and during the day I am putting her down to sleep sometimes. She usually only sleeps only 5-10 minutes if I am not holding her but that's an improvement. I figure if I just keep putting her down eventually she will not mind it. Her nights have started to work themselves out. She used to go down for the "night" between 5 and 6 am and sleep 3-4 hours but that's getting better. I have not slept in my bed for two months but she has been happy. I think I'll get regular sleep soon.

I don't mind working these things out slowly and I am able to so it works for us. I followed the lead of my older two and it worked.

emmy236 · August 2013

We had the same issue and let me assure you it gets better. We literally used everything we could to slowly transition him. First we had a boppy lounger and I put it half under me and my arm around the edge of it and DS in there. He felt me right there. When he fell asleep I moved it out from under me. Then we moved onto the Summer co sleeper that we put in between DH and myself. We used the wedge and a blanket around the mattress that smelled like us. He got comfy in there. Then we moved that co sleeper into his pnp next to our bed. When he was good, we took away the co sleeper and just put him in the pnp. He's 11 weeks and he is in his crib, in his room.

jayro10 · August 2013

My LO was like that too. Started right off the bat in the hospital. She cried within 60 seconds of being put down anywhere, day and night. My husband and I slept in shifts with her in the recliner, she laid across the boppy on our laps and we would recline a little so we could sleep some, too. Looking back on it, it was probably not very safe but it was all that worked. This only lasted for about 2 weeks and then she let us put her in the RnP or PnP at night. It was exhausting and I was afraid it would never end, but it did! Hang in there. Your baby is still so very young and needs Mom and Dad to help adjust to the outside world.

AllieAGame · August 2013

Our baby wasn't like this, but from hearing from other moms it seems like a lot of people have had success with their babies sleeping in the RockNPlay. It is snug and vibrates, so it's very soothing to the baby. Maybe try that (if you have one) by your bed.

The Steph009 · August 2013

My daughter is five months and although she wanted to be held I always allowed her time to play on her own. I dont have an issue getting her to sleep, now due to the fact that I started her off slowly sleeping her in my arms then quickly placing her in a bed or her bassinet. She learned to adjust because i would lay down next to her or sit next to her until she slept if she felt my arm on her I would place a small pillow on the area i would place my hand on to rock her to sleep and she would think it was my rm and sleep comfortably. I would also brush her hair with my finger tips and when she was asleep i would turn on the ceiling fan which would fan her hair softly. These are a few tricks I used to help her sleep on her own, of course when im off from work though I do lay next to her and we sleep together but its nothing now compared to how it was in the beginning. She sleeps on her own now of course while i rock her to sleep but she does not freak out anymore when she is alone.

studyinpink · August 2013

My first DD was like this. We finally had to co-sleep so that I could rest. It sounds like you had a great night co sleeping. Right now you are in survival mode and do what you need to take care of yourself and LO.

You can google safely co sleeping. You will find plenty of websites. You can also check the attachment parentig board here too. We co-slept with our first for 18 months and she sleeps in her own bed now.

We are hoping we won't have to co sleep with this one.

tokenhoser · August 2013

We bedshare. I ended up doing it with DS last time and didn't even try to fight it this time. It's so much easier. I get so much more sleep. It's what is best for our family, definitely.

For safety: have something so the baby can't fall out of bed (cosleeper or rail). Remove all extra pillows (just keep the one under your head). Use a light blanket and only up to your waist. It's better to leave baby unswaddled when bedsharing. Wear pajamas without a lot of extra fabric (say, a tank top and shorts rather than a big nightgown). If you have really long hair, tie it back. Keep baby on your side of the bed or sleep in a bed alone with baby, don't put baby between mom and dad.

I know it's not for everyone, but personally, I need to do what works and not screw around for weeks trying to fix something that isn't really a problem.

Sleeping in a recliner is way more dangerous than sharing a bed.

tokenhoser · August 2013

I got a rail that clamps down onto the mattress because it couldn't leave any gaps. I can't find it online any more, though. Just look for something that fits very snugly and check it frequently. It made me feel a lot better once I had it - I fell asleep nursing a lot, too.

Leothelion2013 · August 2013

Ahh!! I remember going through that 2 months ago! It will pass! I basically was attached to my lo for 4 wks of his new little life! It was emotionally draining and a strain on my relationship with my husband but we made it!

My lo slept attached to my boob all night. I never slept deep enough to where I was concerned about the safety.

I had to formula feed at the 4th week and I was amazed that my baby actually would sleep comfortably in his rocker all by himself (right beside my bed) for the entire night....waking to eat only. Not because he was not in my arms!

Vannerz22 · August 2013

My lil man is 5 weeks now and he likes to sleep on my chest and doesn't like his swing. The best thing I have found is a feather pillow! He sleeps on it next to me at night and during the day. I think it makes him feel like he is being held!

nurseclare9 · August 2013

Thank you so much for all the helpful advice! Last night we made sure the co sleeper was close to level with our bed, and put a heating pad down for a few minutes before setting him down. He did great for a while until he got hungry and I ended up moving him over to me and falling a sleep. I feel much safer with that even because he has nowhere to roll but onto the co sleeper. My husband was able to come back to bed!
I think I just need to realize all the safety recommendations are great and all....but when the reality of baby is here all that goes to crap and you just do what you can to get by! Feeling much more rested

LJUTCMommy · August 2013

@clarissamaealison Thanks for posting this. We're having the same issue. She'll sleep in our arms, we'll wait 30-45 min to make sure she's really asleep and put her in the co-sleeper. She wakes up screaming less than 5 minutes later.

After her 5 am feed, I normally just pull her into bed with me and we sleep for a few hours, but I'm so paranoid something will go wrong. But, like other poster, I don't think I sleep deep enough to let anything happen.

She naps in her RNP during the day, but one time when we tried to let her sleep in it she got slumped over and we were concerned she might have a breathing issue. She is small, though, so maybe this risk is less if your baby is over 8 lbs.

AlexisLA · August 2013

DD is 6.5 weeks and also refuses to be put down to sleep even though we have a co-sleeper and crib that we don't use! (yet) DD must be nursed to sleep in our bed and then I pop her her off (or I fall asleep and she stays attached) and sleeps next to me. Sometimes DH also sleeps in the bed with us. DD is very colicky during the day so overall we have a lot we are contending with now. We are not going to worry about this for another couple of months but we hope to transition her to the co-sleeper and then the crib eventually. She naps in her swing during the day.

mejane123 · August 2013

At about 7-10 days they go through a growth spurt that makes them especially crazy, so that could be contributing to her behavior.

DD is 8 months now and was about 10 days when we moved to the cosleeper - same one as you, I'm guessing :-) What I had to do was nurse her to sleep and then hold her there on the Boppy for a good 20-30 min until she got to that "limp-limb" stage, then I was able to put her down VERY carefully. The key was the swaddle, though. She would fight it at first, but she absolutely slept better with it so we wanted her to get comfortable with it, which she did. DH would swaddle her up, I'd climb in bed, he'd hand her over and I'd put her right on the boob and let her fall asleep that way. It's tedious and doesn't help with the lack of sleep right away, but I absolutely did not want to get into the habit of having her sleep on me all the time, and DH and I agreed not to bring her into our bed. It took a few tries sometimes, but now that she's older, I definitely see the benefit to getting her comfy in her own space that young. If you have a smartphone or tablet, I definitely recommend a Netflix or Amazon Prime membership. I was so nervous I'd fall asleep nursing and DD would fall, so I would watch stuff on there when I would get up with her.

FWIW, she did nap on me for the first 3 months for the most part, which I didn't mind because I liked the cuddles during the day. I didn't start putting her down in her crib for naps until she was almost 4 months old, and that's because I was going back to work. Again, it was tough because she wouldn't always sleep as long, but she eventually got to the point where she could only really sleep long stretches if she was in her own space and not being held.

mejane123 · August 2013

clarissamaealison said:

Thank you so much for all the helpful advice! Last night we made sure the co sleeper was close to level with our bed, and put a heating pad down for a few minutes before setting him down. He did great for a while until he got hungry and I ended up moving him over to me and falling a sleep. I feel much safer with that even because he has nowhere to roll but onto the co sleeper. My husband was able to come back to bed!
I think I just need to realize all the safety recommendations are great and all....but when the reality of baby is here all that goes to crap and you just do what you can to get by! Feeling much more rested

You may also want to put something that smells like you in there with him. I wrapped a swaddle blanket around my belly under my shirt (weird, I know) and left it there for a couple of hours, then laid it out on the cosleeper. I can't remember if it helped, but it's worth a shot.

Critter015 · August 2013

My DS is 12 days old and we had the same issue. I would feed him and he would fall asleep at the breast, but within 5-10 minutes of putting him down he would be screaming and rooting again. I finally figured out that he wasn't staying awake enough to eat enough at his feeds, so he'd be hungry still when I put him down. I have been working on getting him to eat more by keeping him awake, and then during the day I've been having him practice laying flat on his back. He really seems to like laying on his changing table and staring at the light so I let him do that for a few minutes after feedings during the day. We are trying to do the Baby Whisperer's EASY method, I recommend that book! Last night DS went 3 hours between feedings and went right down in his pack-n-play swaddled after each feeding and would sleep about 2 1/2 hours. Just be patient and keep trying! Once he learns to lay flat and sleep on his own he will start sleeping better for you!

Momtobe618 · August 2013

My LO was over 8lbs so I was able to wear her. I have the Moby and an Ergo. Out of the two the Moby is more favored, but either one is perfect for holding baby during chores or when your out shopping.

equinus · August 2013

I started nursing in my bed in the side lying position with my older DD when she was around 6 weeks old, and we co-slept with her crib sidecarred to my side of the bed for a year so we could maintain our nursing relationship at night. With DS I started practicing side lying right away and by a few days old he was good at it. For the first 6 weeks we used a cosleeper that goes in the middle of the bed like the snuggle nest. I would nurse DS to sleep, then transfer him quickly to his bed and I often would put my arm (or have DH put his arm) next to DS along his side until he settled. They cant regulate their body temperatures well at this age and are like little heat seeking missiles. I like the heating pad suggestion! DS has outgrown our cosleeper already and he is just in the bed with us most of the night. I sleep with one pillow and I don't pull my blanket up above my waist. DH and I are using separate blankets now too. Instead of sidecarring the crib this time we are using magic bumpers on my side of the bed, just in case even though he isn't rolling yet. I am actually hoping to get him sleeping in his crib at night way earlier than I did with DD. Google safe cosleeping for other ideas to sleep safe, Dr Sears website has good info it. If your LO is only a week old, it's pretty typical for them to want to nurse all night long and want be close to you, so let them. Drink water and have your SO keep you fed and you'll do fine, enjoy your baby moon.

CNYBride05 · August 2013

I just posted this in a similar post. Your LO has been "held" and rocked 24/7 until days ago. Of course he wants to be held! Newborns should not be expected to self-soothe, they should be held most of the time. In many cultures, infants are never not held.

homebird · August 2013

My first question is, do you like bed sharing? I think a lot of people have this idea that baby should sleep in his or her own crib and that bed sharing or co-sleeping isn't the "right" way to do it. If you like sleeping near baby and baby enjoys it, I would keep doing it! Just make sure you're doing it safely.

Graham spends the first part of the night in the crib. When he wakes up, H brings him to our bed and I nurse him. I cuddle him until he falls asleep and then lay him in the rock'n'play next to our bed. I'm sure there will be a time (coming soon ... *sniff*) when we'll need to transition him back to the crib (or come up with a different solution as he will be too big for the rock 'n play) but until then I enjoy it and so does Graham.

jschmidt6 · August 2013

Like a PP mentioned, a really tight swaddle has been the key for us. Maybe your baby doesn't necessarily need your touch, but maybe its startling that is waking him up. If our LO's arms aren't swaddled in he will NOT sleep for 5 minutes. Youtube the proper way to swaddle and put him in a RocknPlay. It worked for us!! I fall asleep rockin that damn thing next to the bed but it works!

zoenikomom · October 2013

We have always coslept with our kids, and it works well for us. When my twins were born, though, I also had a rowdy three year old. Bedtimes were pretty crazy. Plus, my twins slept terribly because they were preemies and had reflux. I tried everything I could buy to get them to sleep better, and spent a bunch of money on stuff that didn't work. At three am, when you haven't slept for more than five minutes at a time, spending money on desperate measures just seemd to make sense LOL. Anyway, it was on one of those 3 am shopping sprees that I finally found something that really helped us with our whole bedtime routine. Not only with the twins, but also with the toddler. It is an audio program that I got from baby2sleep.net. I still use it every night, two years later! Best of luck to you all

LittleNugget93 · October 2013

I will put DD in the snugglenest in my bed, swaddle her, give her a pacifier, and then have her hold my hand. The hand holding really helps

You can also try playing white noise LOUDLY while holding her and putting her down. Also try to make the smallest amount of changes possible. Already have the lights off, have a clean diaper on, her jammies on, and all of your things done too.

Also, the only way I got my baby girl to sleep well was with a pacifier.

Af1004 · October 2013

Try an extra layer. Ex. A onsie under a sleeper or extra swaddle or blanket around the bottom half. That's what help us.

suziejane14 · October 2013

My lo is just over 2 weeks and we are going through the same thing. I've lived on the couch since we brought him home. I can get him to sleep in his pack'n'play in the daytime but once midnight hits he's going crazy and will only sleep through the night sleeping on my lap. I just feed him and he falls asleep in his boppy and I just lay down with that on my lap, 4 hours of sleep every time after that. I did get some good advice from a friend the other day that we are working on now, look up the 5 S's the sooth a baby. Swaddling is a big thing. I didn't think my lo liked to be swaddle because he would always get out of it but I started doing it again when I put him down to sleep and he's been sleeping good, even got him to sleep for a few hours tonight swaddled before he wanted to eat. Check it out though it may help you, The 5 S's to sooth a baby.

iHeartVan · October 2013

The only input I have is on the swing. Our son didn't like the swing at all until like 2 months. He actually didn't like to be put down in any type of device except the rock n play until around that time. The RnP was a savior for us the first couple months. Now it is too boring for him in there.

provwife · October 2013

It will get better. My baby sleeps in a rock n play and loves it now. It makes them feel like they are being held because the shape of it.

Please be careful with sleeping with the baby of course but also having anything pushed right against your bed. I used to do this too but realized that my blanket or pillow could so easily falls off and smother her.

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