Jay Gordon night weaning?

bloverde · October 2013

Little man is 17mo now. We've always bed shared and he has always nursed about 4-6 times per night. I was ok with it before, because, hey kids sleep on their own when they're ready, right? But I work 80 hours per week and I just can't do it anymore. I am a cranky, exhausted mess that's mean to my husband and short with my son. I don't have the energy to play with him during the day and feel like a horrible parent.

So...Jay Gordon. It sounds good in theory. But can a 17mo really grasp the concept that it's between 11pm and 6am, therefore, I don't get to nurse? Especially if you still nurse them to sleep? (Because that's what we're doing, and he's never been able to sleep for ME any other way.) Has anyone had success with this method? Because I really need to do something, and I prefer it to be a gentle solution.

bullybutt · October 2013

I'm going to follow this thread because I am in a similar boat and don't ever forsee DS giving up the boob while going to sleep and/or sleeping next to me. Mine won't have anything to do with a crib and I worry about trying to put him in a toddler bed...and staying put.

TiffanyBerry · October 2013

We did it around 16mo (ish). Yeah, there was some crying (but I was right there). And i eventually switched to "you can nurse once in the night" rather than using set hours. But it wasn't awful, and it helped a bit with getting better sleep. I felt like DD could understand "you can nurse once" better than the hours, and her nursing was usually in the middle of any hours I would blank out anyway, so it would have been effectively no nursing at all. But it did work, though it took some time (a few weeks?).

bloverde · October 2013

Well the first night involved crying for a total of 2 hours like someone was stabbing him. I was honestly expecting the police to knock on our door at any moment to ask why we were torturing some poor child. While I tried to cuddle and soothe him, he hit us, kicked us, flung his body around, head butted me once, but eventually wore himself out and went to sleep. He made pitiful whimpering and sniffling sounds in his sleep for another 2 hours while clutching my chest like a scared cat. Then we repeated that whole process one more time.

I hope tonight is better, because I feel like a jerk.

skibunny59 · October 2013

We tried Jay Gordon over the summer when I was off (I'm a teacher). DD was 15 months old. After 8 super hard nights we threw in the towel. I think she just was not ready for it at all. I'm a working mom too and although I'm not getting glorious sleep with her in the bed nursing so often I am getting WAY more sleep than if I had to sleep train her or night wean before she's ready.

She's 18 months now. What I've been doing now is just trying to cut out one feeding. For example, we put her down in her crib for the first party of the night and she always wakes up exactly 2 hours after we put her down wanting to nurse. I have committed to not nursing her at that time. It seems to be working because last night, she slept 4 1/2 hours straight. We still brought her in our bed after those 4 1/2 hours but I figure we made some progress.

skibunny59 · October 2013

bloverde said:

Well the first night involved crying for a total of 2 hours like someone was stabbing him. I was honestly expecting the police to knock on our door at any moment to ask why we were torturing some poor child. While I tried to cuddle and soothe him, he hit us, kicked us, flung his body around, head butted me once, but eventually wore himself out and went to sleep. He made pitiful whimpering and sniffling sounds in his sleep for another 2 hours while clutching my chest like a scared cat. Then we repeated that whole process one more time. I hope tonight is better, because I feel like a jerk.

Hang in there. It is super hard. Don't feel like a failure if you just have to try again when he's a little older. It just did not work for DD when we tried.

bloverde · October 2013

Thanks. Last night was better - less total shrieking time. He may be on the edge of readiness, but I really need to do this. The exhaustion is to the point that I'm worried about being alert enough to perform my job.

SandiaPinaMama · October 2013

I used modified Jay Gordon to get 4 hour stretches at 9 months. It worked beautifully. He cried for a little bit one night at like 2 am. I held and rocked and sang, bit didn't nurse. After that, he slept like a champ.

StefandTodd · October 2013

I hope things are going better for you!! Your first night sounds a lot like my son. He was intensely sad when I night weaned (which I ended up doing when he was too young...he was only 13 months at the time, and I felt terrible, but I was pregnant and I could no longer sleep at all through the nursing b/c it was so painful). Anyway, it got better. Then my milk came back in with baby #2 and my first would wake begging to nurse again all night like crazy. Same anger and intensity. At that point, he was about 17/18 months old and we did "when the sun comes up." I do love the alarm clock/music idea though too. Good luck!!

bloverde · October 2013

OMG last night he slept from 8-5! And he only woke up because he heard the cat trip me in the hall while getting ready for work. The first 6 nights were awful, and then all of sudden it's like he realized what's going on. Of course, we could be back to square one tonight. We shall see.

bloverde · October 2013

Yeah, back to shrieking. Sleeping through was a fluke.

Anyway, it's a night weaning schedule, not really sleep training. You start the first step by allowing your toddler to nurse to sleep or however you do it, and do that up until a certain time, like 11pm. After that in the middle of the night, you can nurse, cuddle, etc but they must not fall asleep doing it. You have to stop before they drift off. Once they master that, the second step is not to nurse, just pat and rub and give encouraging words without picking them up during that overnight period. Once they master that, you just give encouraging words. Supposedly each step takes 3-4 days. But here I am on day 9 of step 1. And he only recommends it for kids over one year.

TiffanyBerry · October 2013

Oh I had to go straight to the "no nursing during this time period" - no "yeah, you can have a bit, but not the part you really want" for my daughter.

And I think we switched to "you can nurse three times in the night, but no more" and she got to set when they were - after the third nursing, there was no more. (Then two, then one.) So we modified it greatly.

skibunny59 · October 2013

bloverde said:

Yeah, back to shrieking. Sleeping through was a fluke. Anyway, it's a night weaning schedule, not really sleep training. You start the first step by allowing your toddler to nurse to sleep or however you do it, and do that up until a certain time, like 11pm. After that in the middle of the night, you can nurse, cuddle, etc but they must not fall asleep doing it. You have to stop before they drift off. Once they master that, the second step is not to nurse, just pat and rub and give encouraging words without picking them up during that overnight period. Once they master that, you just give encouraging words. Supposedly each step takes 3-4 days. But here I am on day 9 of step 1. And he only recommends it for kids over one year.

Maybe I misread it but I thought that you only stay on each step for 3-4 nights and then move on no matter what. I thought it was way harder for me to nurse my DD for just a short amount of time and unlatch her than to not nurse her at all. She would cry way harder and get way more angry when I would allow her to nurse and then unlatch her right before she fell asleep then if I just didn't nurse.

That being said, after night 10 of no improvement whatsoever we just stopped the whole process. She's 19 months now so we may try in a month or two. (She was 15 months at the time.)

bloverde · November 2013

I've seen it done both ways. I chose to prolong it because how strongly he reacted to even the first step. I

versed · November 2013

We started this when DS was 14m, but we had to go back to night nursing when he got sick. Started again at 15m as we moved DS to his own room. I slept in his bed with him for the first weeks, and it went relatively well. Someone on here shared The Leaky Boob's journey, which helped a lot. (https://theleakyboob.com/2011/07/changingoursleep/)

I use a no-nursing phrase with him ("it's time for sleeping"), and he knows that means he's not getting any boob. He'll then roll over and go back to sleep. I'm out of his room now, and I still use that phrase if he wakes at night. It helps that I nurse him in our room and then we go into his room. Once in his room, he doesn't get nursed until 5am.

hang in there and good luck!

terri_doula2010 · November 2013

I so want to do the Jay Gordon method in theory, but I don't think DD is ready yet. Plus, DS is in the same room with us and I don't want to wake him up. DS didn't night wean until I got KU with DD, and she may be our last, so I may end up just feeding her at night til college.

Want a personalized experience?

Jay Gordon night weaning?

Re: Jay Gordon night weaning?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards