BM showed up for a visit

Pamelacake · October 2013

and now thinks she is some kind of God. *Vent, Funny and WTF*

The visit was Saturday, she called Saturday and said she would come if SD's wanted to see her. *rolls eyes* BM was on time, had showered and everything. I was impressed.

SD's were ready bc if she didn't show up we were heading out to the pumpkin patch. I have to hand it to BM, I think she gave it her all to try to include both SD's. But, she still failed. It was sad.

BM pulled a few bitch moves:

She wore the t-shirt that was made for family and close friends to wear to baby's funeral. I think I had to pick my jaw up from the ground.

She brought 5yo SD a Kroger bag full of Easter candy and we kept telling SD that was enough candy and BM kept telling SD "it's ok, you can have it" so we had to be the bad guys and take the bag of candy.

She brought 7yo SD's b-day gifts. a monster high doll which she loved, she didn't have that one yet, and a puzzle which was actually for 5yo SD.

BM brought a huge trash bag full of clothes and they went through them together, with BM telling them what was who's. I have washed all of these clothes and they are all sitting on one of the couches. SD's will get to go through and see what fits and what doesn't when they get home from school. (I don't think either one of them wears 18 months). hmmmm. so I get to be the bad guy again and tell them they don't fit? NO.. I will have them try the clothes on so they can see. I told SD's it would be like a fashion show. Nice try BM!

7yo SD wanted to wear this Justin Beiber shirt that BM has been telling SD about for months to school today. I had to be the one to break it to her that it was a pj shirt and she couldn't wear it to school.. not that it would fit her anyways but she can find that out for herself when she tries it on.

BM brought other things.. mostly for 5yo SD a camera, bubbles, 3 pairs of shoes. 7yo SD got A shoe, one shoe.

At least BM tried.

We did not have games and things ready as I was advised here and from the attorney after that ... not to do. BM thought it was so horrible that we tried to make things easy for her. Ha. Well she really didn't like not having access to these things. BM didn't say anything to us about it but she let 7yo SD know all about it for the 30 seconds she talked to her on the phone Sunday night.

BM had also dyed her hair to the color mine was the last time she was here and bought contacts, not to help her see but to make her eyes blue. BAHAHAH WTF. I already called it to DH... BM was already trying to talk like me to SD's, using pet names she heard me use to them and using words that I use that she didn't before.

The phone call Sunday night was a hot mess. BM talked to 7yo SD for about 30 seconds, no I love you no bye just "can I talk to sissy now" (I guess kind of like usual) 5yo got on the phone and BM wasn't listening to anything she was saying as she was talking to her FI who was talking the whole time BM was on the phone at this point.. then BM puts FI on the phone to tell 5yo SD happy birthday. 5yo's b-day is months away.. he just kept talking and SD was looking at me like she didn't know what to do so I hung the phone up. They have been wanting me to pull the bitch card and they got it. I did call back, FI answered, I asked if BM was available because she was supposed to be the one on the phone, he started to argue and hung up. I really thought I was in the wrong at first by hanging up but I know I wasn't. SD didn't ask to talk to FI and even if she did it would have been a quick hi how are you.

and after listening to the recording they thought nothing was going to be done bc I was the one to answer the phone and not DH. the whole time BM was on the phone with 7yo, FI was in the background, "their dad is such an ass for not lettin me talk to em all this time" What am I. Naïve .. IDTS.

So much more from the visit.. I haven't gotten through it all yet but I will spare the rest. LOL.

twister22 · October 2013

To the bag of candy, bday presents, and clothes I say "eh, let it go." Of course BM gave them a bag of candy, she wants to be a Disneyland BM. I would of kept the candy and said they could have it a piece at a time each night after dinner. For the bday presents - at least she's putting forth an effort, and I'm sure 7yo SD will cherish the MH doll. And for the clothes, the girls will see they don't fit and you can tell them you'll get them so clothes that do. I'm not sure why you're during it into a "fashion show." I would have just organized the clothes by size, had SDs grab one of their current clothes, and asked "What size does that say?" And they look at see 5T and then see that the clothes BM brought says 18mo, and you can let them know that means a 1 yo baby, and of course their not the size of a 1 yo baby.

And BM sounds BSC for trying to look and act like you.

Be a duck. Let all these things roll off your back. Pick your battles. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Wahoo · October 2013

Sorry you and SDs have to go through this!

I think you handled everything well enough. I would have kept the candy b/c in our area kids can turn over halloween candy to dentists for gift cards.

Who wears a t-shirt to a funeral? Tacky.

Pamelacake · October 2013

@Twister22 I do love your idea. I was thinking about how to go about it on the way back from the dr this morning and I have already started to set the way too small things aside. I do want them to be out b/c I don't want SD's to think I left anything out that BM gave them. Maybe they will want to use some of the tops for their baby dolls or something.

SD's love fashion, they play "fashion show with their dress up stuff, we do facials, nails twice a week.. that's why I thought of having them try the stuff on but you're right, I don't want to be spiteful to BM weather she knows about it or not. I will have them try on what could possibly fit and that's it. The things that are a few sizes to big for 5yo I will store away for future use. SD's have so many clothes, I just had to go through their dressers and closets again to put some away, I switch them out so it's like they are getting something "new" and I like to buy clothes in advance as well.. love the end of season sales. BM did show effort and I commend her for that.

The candy is put up and they get some after school or after dinner.

SD loves the doll. She introduced that doll to her other MH dolls last night. .. it was so funny.

I guess I did sound more bitchy in my post then I intended.. I do that a lot and don't mean to =(

BM just really gets under my skin sometimes but I still smile and am super nice when BM is here or when SD's are around B/C it isn't about the adults. And at least 5yo SD has fun when BM is here. =/

Pamelacake · October 2013

Wahoo said:

Sorry you and SDs have to go through this!

I think you handled everything well enough. I would have kept the candy b/c in our area kids can turn over halloween candy to dentists for gift cards.

Who wears a t-shirt to a funeral? Tacky.

We didn't throw the candy out, I take that back.. some of it was already opened from sitting so long, I guess so I did throw that away.

The t-shirt was made for everyone to wear to the funeral. DH didn't know about it until last minute and he thought it was tacky too but he wore one. It had his son's picture on it. BM wore the shirt here for pity and she knows how it effects DH, so also to be a bitch. DH said he saw it, and didn't think about it again. I was shocked but didn't show it.

I killed BM with kindness and she wasn't expecting that after all of the voicemails she has left directed towards me and/or about me, She thought I was going to be super bitchy.. Nope.. I had a smile on my face the whole time and at one point both SD's were inside getting a drink, I even started small talk with BM.

It doesn't do me any good to get all worked up about this crap so I do post some of it on here. I used to post most of it here and it made me look and feel like I was going crazy. LOL.

CFjo2010 · October 2013

twister22 said:

I'm not sure why you're during it into a "fashion show." I would have just organized the clothes by size, had SDs grab one of their current clothes, and asked "What size does that say?" And they look at see 5T and then see that the clothes BM brought says 18mo, and you can let them know that means a 1 yo baby, and of course their not the size of a 1 yo baby.

DD (10) and K (7) love putting on "fashion shows" when they get new clothes and show DH. It's pretty frigging cute actually. One stands at the bottom of the stairs and makes the introductions and describes what the other is wearing, then they switch. I remember doing the same thing when I was little. And with K, it actually helps to have her try everything on because she is between sizes, or will swear on all that is holy that a size 6 shirt "totally still fits". Making her actually put it on is the only way to convince her that it's too small.

OP, it sounds like BM is trying to make an effort. Hopefully next time she'll step up her game a bit more and bring something productive to do with the girls.

Pamelacake · October 2013

jobalchak said:

twister22 said:

I'm not sure why you're during it into a "fashion show." I would have just organized the clothes by size, had SDs grab one of their current clothes, and asked "What size does that say?" And they look at see 5T and then see that the clothes BM brought says 18mo, and you can let them know that means a 1 yo baby, and of course their not the size of a 1 yo baby.

DD (10) and K (7) love putting on "fashion shows" when they get new clothes and show DH. It's pretty frigging cute actually. One stands at the bottom of the stairs and makes the introductions and describes what the other is wearing, then they switch. I remember doing the same thing when I was little. And with K, it actually helps to have her try everything on because she is between sizes, or will swear on all that is holy that a size 6 shirt "totally still fits". Making her actually put it on is the only way to convince her that it's too small.

OP, it sounds like BM is trying to make an effort. Hopefully next time she'll step up her game a bit more and bring something productive to do with the girls.

That's how both SD's are. 5yo is really tiny and can wear 3 to 5T depending on what it is. and 7yo can wear anything from 8 to 12 depending.

I hope so too. I did feel a little bad about not having games out for them and they could have easily been gotten but BM made such a big deal for 2 months about how horrible it was. It really had nothing to do with the games though. It was about FI not being able to stay for the visit. BM has left that in voicemails, that if FI can't stay then she isn't coming. (not in those words, much profanity)

twister22 · October 2013

@jobalchak & @pamelacake I was quite the tomboy as a kid, and a fashion show would have been the last thing on my mind, so that's probably why I thought it was weird. However, DD will likely be a girly girl (which I am totally fine with - I look forward to it and have special plans for the two of us already - like going to the AG Doll store for a tea party) so I should probably become accustomed to things like that

.

Pamelacake · October 2013

Lol. I'm still learning. DD and I were both tom boys.

sweetwalks · October 2013

@twister22 I was the same way. Never played dress up or fashion show my entire life. I still hate trying on clothes. Thank goodness for boys.

I agree w PP's, BM seems to be making an effort, the girls will see that. I wouldn't go out of my way to praise BM for it, but make sure you don't discount anything she did where they can hear or see. To them, it's more than she's done before.

Pamelacake · October 2013

Yeah I don't want to do that. I want them to make up their own mind ya know. It's difficult though. This situation and everything is way out of hand.

I am an hour and 6 minutes into documenting and BM tells 5yo that 7yo "is so stupid" 5yo agreed and they were laughing about it until 7yo came back from using the restroom. That makes me effing sick!

That is not helping with our situation of 5yo thinking she has to be the center of attention, kicking her teacher at school bc she didn't want to wait her turn to talk and calling 7yo names. I talk to their therapist Friday so this will definitely be brought up.

yeah.. she appeared to make an effort in the video.. the audio recorder sitting right next to her picked that up. BM knew it was there and knew what it was, she had already tried to pocket it. She did say what she said a little more quiet but it is still extremely clear. *Mind Blown. 5yo SD will not know I know about this and 7yo SD will not know it was said at all.

twister22 · October 2013

Pamelacake said:

I am an hour and 6 minutes into documenting and BM tells 5yo that 7yo "is so stupid" 5yo agreed and they were laughing about it until 7yo came back from using the restroom. That makes me effing sick!

That's one thing I hate about documenting everything - all the time you spend for something that may never be used/needed. Although, it seems like in your case that you'll need to.

I currently have over 400 texts from BD that I need to photograph so I can clear them off my phone. Sigh.

Pamelacake · October 2013

I feel for you with the texts! Luckily I have only had to do a few of those (so far) that were from other phones DH has. DH is really hard on phones at his job so the smartphone I gave him stays here and he puts his chip in another. lol. I tried to find a screenshot app but the ones I found aren't very good so I just take pics too. I will have to go through and snap pics of all of the texts soon.

DH gets so annoyed sometimes bc I document everything and it takes a lot of time sometimes. I was even feeling bad about it for a short while but things like this make it worth it to me. DH does tell me sometimes that he's glad I do it but he doesn't know how I can. I had to stop yesterday and I'm not even sure why I was shocked. The attorney has found it very useful. and funny, the vm's from BM, not things like this.

Wahoo · October 2013

This is just one more reason why BM needs visitation supervised by a professional. I cannot believe she is trying to poison SD5 like this! She gets me so angry. I don't know how you deal with this and all of the other antics on a regular basis.

Pamelacake · October 2013

I completely agree and I have found a place close by that is willing to do it, it just has to be put in a court order. There is no court date set for this yet, I think they are waiting to see what all BM will or will not do. I think this is more than enough.

I laugh off the other things as they are so ridiculous and it's either that or go insane and they are not about the kids. But these things are not funny to me at all. It makes me sick that BM would do this. I'm not sure why I'm shocked.. it's not the first time. BM has never wanted any of her kids. While pregnant with 7yo she tried stabbing herself in the stomach to kill her.

It really takes a lot to upset me. But I'm really glad that DH had the phone with him yesterday because I might have called BM. And that's something I haven't ever done.

Pamelacake · October 2013

lurchbaby said:

Pamelacake said:

I completely agree and I have found a place close by that is willing to do it, it just has to be put in a court order. There is no court date set for this yet, I think they are waiting to see what all BM will or will not do. I think this is more than enough.
I laugh off the other things as they are so ridiculous and it's either that or go insane and they are not about the kids. But these things are not funny to me at all. It makes me sick that BM would do this. I'm not sure why I'm shocked.. it's not the first time. BM has never wanted any of her kids. While pregnant with 7yo she tried stabbing herself in the stomach to kill her.
It really takes a lot to upset me. But I'm really glad that DH had the phone with him yesterday because I might have called BM. And that's something I haven't ever done.

What kind of man did you marry that would stay with her and have another child. He should have taken 7SD at birth. That would have been a slam dunk for her to lose custody then. JFC.

SD's aren't DH's Bio K's. That isn't a factor in our eyes. If DH would have tried to take SD at birth, he would have lost. DH didn't know he could take them from her due to his previous divorce and not being able to see his children from that marriage until BM decided to drop them on his doorstep. BM was hospitalized for doing that BC DH couldn't be there to babysit BM 24/7. I ask him the same question, why didn't he leave long ago. DH was scared to lose his kids bio or not. I feel that he should have hired an attorney long ago and got rid of her and I called him out on it many times. He didn't know he could and he was scared to take the risk.

Pamelacake · October 2013

Completely understandable. I was WTFing DH when I was told about these things too. But I understand a lot more now after we talked about it.

twister22 · October 2013

Pamelacake said:

lurchbaby said:

Pamelacake said:

I completely agree and I have found a place close by that is willing to do it, it just has to be put in a court order. There is no court date set for this yet, I think they are waiting to see what all BM will or will not do. I think this is more than enough.
I laugh off the other things as they are so ridiculous and it's either that or go insane and they are not about the kids. But these things are not funny to me at all. It makes me sick that BM would do this. I'm not sure why I'm shocked.. it's not the first time. BM has never wanted any of her kids. While pregnant with 7yo she tried stabbing herself in the stomach to kill her.
It really takes a lot to upset me. But I'm really glad that DH had the phone with him yesterday because I might have called BM. And that's something I haven't ever done.

What kind of man did you marry that would stay with her and have another child. He should have taken 7SD at birth. That would have been a slam dunk for her to lose custody then. JFC.

SD's aren't DH's Bio K's. That isn't a factor in our eyes. If DH would have tried to take SD at birth, he would have lost. DH didn't know he could take them from her due to his previous divorce and not being able to see his children from that marriage until BM decided to drop them on his doorstep. BM was hospitalized for doing that BC DH couldn't be there to babysit BM 24/7. I ask him the same question, why didn't he leave long ago. DH was scared to lose his kids bio or not. I feel that he should have hired an attorney long ago and got rid of her and I called him out on it many times. He didn't know he could and he was scared to take the risk.

He was motivated by fear. He feared for those kids, and did whatever he could to make sure they were protected. At the time, he was scared that if he left BM that the kids' safety would be jeopardized, so he did what he thought he had to do to keep them safe - he stayed with her. Of course he had other options, but he didn't know that at the time. That's the past and you guys are doing a good job moving forward, doing everything you can to keep those girls safe.

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