How do you stay sane in such a high-stakes situation?

Manada · October 2013

Hi Everyone,

I think this is my first thread here, besides my introduction -- and I'm posting here because I imagine, for many of you, DE/GC/DEmbryo situations are similar in terms of feeling to what we're going through.   My partner and I have been through so many IF-related things, and are now moving into IVF with her body, Donor sperm, and hoping to have enough eggs/embryos for both of us to eventually get pregnant.   She also has severe Endo, and so we are looking at this cycle as fertility preservation for both of us.

We are OOP for the costs, though we expect some of our meds to be covered (thank goodness!) - but this is probably our one shot at it - and that's pretty scary.   For me, it feels extra high stakes because I'm already out, my body isn't doing it - so this feels like our only shot at either of us growing our baby(ies).   In Canada donor embryos aren't really an option for us, because of the laws - the cost of using them are astronomical (legal fees, clinic fees, agency fees etc...) unless a friend donated them to us for free.

I know many of you have been there.   How do you do it? How do you find a bit of empowerment in a hugely disempowering situation?

ladyrader0227 · October 2013

It is a very rough road and I think we are have our turns at insanity. Personally, acupuncture has been a huge help for me but can get expensive. Otherwise, I go on long walks with my dog and try to focus on the joy that brings. Then there is the laughs & sweating brought by Zumba! And of course spending time with DH - doing nothing. He keeps me calm and smiling. Big hugs to you both!

JM1977 · October 2013

I didn't always do that well with it honestly, but I made it through to the other side eventually. I think it's just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other. IF is a like a marathon, and you just have to keep going. One thing that really helped me was to try to stay neutral. For a long time I tortured myself thinking that I should feel hopeful/positive and then feeling guilty because I couldn't feel that way. Once I started just reminding myself that I couldn't predict the outcome of a given cycle and telling myself to just be neutral about it, it became more manageable for me. Also, when we moved on to DE, we enrolled in a shared risk/guarantee program. I think knowing that we would have more chances for the same price helped with my sanity.

I wish you and your partner all the best moving forward!

xmaystarx · October 2013

Honestly, I don't know how I do it. I haven't really thought of that question until you asked it. I guess I just don't let myself think about failure. I figure in one way or another we will succeed, even if it means coming to terms with being childless at some point. But I am no where close to coming to terms with that just yet. Thanks for asking a thoughtful question, I will be pondering it more I'm sure.

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