SAHMs, come in..

Jamiepahel · October 2013

This question is for those who have no income of their own. I've been a SAHM since DS was born 2 years ago. FI financially supports the household 100%. I am curious as to how you handle holidays and special occasions where gifts are purchased for your SO. It has always felt odd to me to purchase FI a Christmas or birthday gift using his money. Even though his money is "our" money, it still feels off. The last couple years I've been able to swing it and have done little things here and there to earn some extra cash which is what I would use for his gifts. That won't be the case this year. So, for those of you with one income, do you buy SO a gift with money you've earned somehow, or do you use what technically would be his money? Have you discussed this subject with SO?

kwrecks · October 2013

We have never exchanged gifts. Instead, we do something together, like an overnight trip, or a concert. That way we can spend tome together, instead of just giving a gift for the sake of giving a gift.

johnson8586 · October 2013

This will be my first holiday season unemployed, as DH recently got a new job which required relocation. I'm reaaaally hoping to be a SAHM now instead of returning to work. That said, DH and I share all bank accounts. What's mine is his and vice versa. I will be using OUR money to buy all gifts.

Emeraldeyed315 · October 2013

We always set a budget for each others gifts, and gifts for family and friends. I then take cash out to buy his gifts so he doesn't know what it is;)

WashingtonQueen · October 2013

It is definitely not just his money. I do a lot in this house and with the kids. I've earned every single dime I've spent and then some.

Edit: Correct words are hard I guess.

RoosterMemphis · October 2013

This will also be my first holiday season unemployed. We usually buy a gift for both of us together though. I suspect it'll be the same this year. We really need new cook wear, so I'm sure it'll be that.

Soleil3 · October 2013

It's our money, not his. No " " about it. We are not a gift love language couple though, so we usually just hit birthdays and thats it.

Jamiepahel · October 2013

Thanks for the suggestions! And I totally agree about it being our money, I just needed to put in in technical terms in order to get my point across. I like the idea of buying something together that we can both use.

julianndelaney · October 2013

It is an our money type situation here, my Dilemma the last holiday season was not what I was spending but how to hide what the actual present was (my husband issues his phone to watch what comes out, I pay the bills etc., he just relocates money as necessary. So last year I put it all on the CC I have by myself! So he couldn't see what I was buying :P just that I was using my CRedit card when I paid the bill :P

LokiLahve · October 2013

Soleil3 said:
It's our money, not his. No " " about it. We are not a gift love language couple though, so we usually just hit birthdays and thats it.

Just curious, what is your love language Sol? (If you want to share of course)

Eta: and oops...yes I'm lurking in the sahm thread. I just wish I could join this group

Soleil3 · October 2013

LokiLahve said:

It's our money, not his. No " " about it. We are not a gift love language couple though, so we usually just hit birthdays and thats it.
Just curious, what is your love language Sol? (If you want to share of course) Eta: and oops...yes I'm lurking in the sahm thread. I just wish I could join this group

Acts of service

Which works well since my H is incredible at helping out and pulling his weight

And to reiterate OP, there is no technically about it. The money my H brings home is not his, in any manner. It is our money. It pays our mortgage, our insurance, our bills. I couldn't imagine being in a relationship where it was even hinted to be otherwise.

MommyAmes2 · October 2013

It isn't at all just his money. I have never even thought about it as "buying the gift with his money." It goes in our joint account for us both to spend.

That being said, we don't exchange gifts. The kids pick him out something for his birthday (same as mine). We don't find it necessary.

BlueJewelM · October 2013

Well the "it's our money" thing has been brought up a bazillian times and I agree. So if it's his bday I just go and buy it. But like most pp said, we do combined gifts a lot that we both enjoy.

BUT since we keep all our finances in quicken, he will see what I spent where, and vice versa, so he knows where I got his gift from! Which annoys me! I want it to be a total surprise! So when I'm at the grocery store I usually take out cash and buy him something with that! Otherwise he guesses what I got him weeks ahead of time! Haha.

Unfortunately DH isn't as sneaky as I am. The month before my bday I never check the financial stuff so i don't know what he got me beforehand.

janneann1127 · October 2013

kwrecks said:

We have never exchanged gifts. Instead, we do something together, like an overnight trip, or a concert. That way we can spend tome together, instead of just giving a gift for the sake of giving a gift.

This. We don't do gifts generally. We like to plan things to do together instead, like a vacation, weekend getaway, or even just a date night.

Marvel1013 · October 2013

Like pp's have said, it's OUR money. He didn't give birth to our children but they are still OURS. Also, if I managed to get some extra cash then I would for sure use it

I think this year we will do a nice date night, or put a max price limit on the gifts

BelhurstBride · October 2013

Part of our monthly budgeting involves $100 for each of us- it's our no questions asked spending money and we transfer it into our individual accounts. So I have that.

We also come up with a gift plan before major holidays. Usually we do a big (ish) joint gift for Christmas but if we decide not to do that we agree on a gift budget and transfer that amount into our own accounts.

That we can buy and still have it be a surprise.

Random add on... I love that Love Languages were referenced in this thread! I didn't know others had read that!

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