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Help, need some support (long)

MarinowskiMarinowski member
edited October 2013 in Preemies
Hi everyone. My daughter surprised us and arrived 6 weeks early and she has been in the NICU since. I need some advice about how to cope. My poor husband has been my punching bag for too long and he hates me for it. I am so stressed right now i just snap at him
Zoey is still in NICU so i am going to the hospital every day for several hours then pumping every 3 hours around the clock to keep up my supply so I am not sleeping. Then DH is still working till she comes home/trying to be at the hospital too. This means that i still have to do all the regular basic maintenance stuff around the house like laundry, dishes, cat box. I am so!! tired. There is family around to help but they either work too or live a fair distance away. Could just use a little encouragement. Thanks
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Re: Help, need some support (long)

  • Throw3ksThrow3ks member
    I'm sorry your are going thru this. We are on day 52 in the NICU going thru a lot of what you are. I am here every day for at least 12 hours, pumping, breastfeeding. My husband is still working. We have a dog.
    My point is just know your not alone. It is a struggle but I promise you will make it thru.
    Goodluck to you and your family.
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  • LaciJaxxLaciJaxx member
    I think we've all been there. It's draining, to say the least. Do your best to get plenty of rest and stay hydrated. As for your husband, I'm sure he's doing his best and is exhausted too. Try not to take it out on him. Your baby needs a mommy and daddy that love and support one another. When our LO was in the NICU, we visited a few times a day for an hour or two (we are super close) but would cut down the time on weekends so we could rest and get a few things done around the house. During the week, if it wasn't a necessity, it might not get done. Prioritize. Hang in there!!!! You'll get through this.
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

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    Pregnancy #1 EDD 1/20/13, D&C for unexplained miscarriage at 12w
    Pregnancy #2 EDD 8/28/2013, Carson was born on 6/28/2013 at 31w - spent 37 days in the NICU
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  • KTZ17KTZ17 member
    We've all been there! You'll get through it! For now, let yourself get a 4-5 hour stretch of sleep. That's what the lactation consultants told me to do. Even try to get a nap in during the day. I used to go to the hospital around 11:00 and DH would meet me at 3:30 after work and we'd go home together at shift change at 7:00. I still had the morning to run errands and the evening to rest. Maybe try a schedule like that? You will get through it and it will just be a memory. I hope your daughter comes home soon!

    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
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  • jbranden12jbranden12 member
    I agree with the others that you have to let some stuff go. Laundry can pile up, use paper plates and plastic utensils to cut down on dishes, and try a longer stretch of sleep at night. I found it did more for my supply than anything! Good luck.


      Our Angel Patricia born sleeping 3/30/12 at 31 weeks
    Our Fighter Anna born early 1/8/13 at 26 weeks
    Hoping to bring home #3 due 9/9/15
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  • NICUCentralNICUCentral member
    edited October 2013
    Hang in there, tired mama! This is a very long journey, a marathon, and you need to pace yourself. You need to allow others to help you, but don't bite the hand that feeds you - using your DH as a punching bag may help in the short term but will hurt in the long run.

    The NICU is a stressful place, truly stressful. One of the very best things a tired, worried, stressed out mama can do for herself and for her family is to find a therapist to talk with. This is nothing to be afraid of or ashamed of. Your baby needs professional help, and you may too. Stressed out mamas who try to do it all without getting the support they need can end up as mamas with PTSD, and that's NO help to anybody, particularly when baby is home and you're even more tired and exhausted.

    If you can't do this or don't feel you're needing that right now, at least consider joining the support group if your NICU has one, or find a friend, maybe another mom in the NICU right now with you, to talk with.  Even reaching out here for support is a step in the right direction.

    I know it is hard for many parents to try to find any joy in the situation when they're so worried and fearful, but I find it very helpful when parents try to focus on positives. Try to look for small celebrations worth having (baby gained weight? do a little dance! baby off oxygen? have a celebration dinner out!) Sure, there are a million reasons to be stressed, but if you give yourself permission to find joy, you just might survive the journey a little better. LINK REMOVED BY MOD FOR TOU VIOLATION: SPAM

    Good luck, and hang in there. May this be a short, smooth journey with many wonderful days ahead of you.
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  • tikisjctikisjc member
    My DS came 6 weeks early too. I know the boat you're in. If you can send your pets to live with family/friends for a few weeks, that alone can be a big help. Also if you have once a month maid cleaning, just let the house be dirty! That helped us. We also stopped mowing our yard but got a lot of takeout/delivery. Less dishes and more sleep. It was so expensive, but the shifts we made allowed us to be sane.
    Make sure to remind each other you love them everyday too. It helps.
    Good luck & it does get easier!
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  • ComfortablyNumbComfortablyNumb member

    I was in a similar situation and I know that it is really tough.  Your baby is in the NICU, your pumping round the clock, you need support from hubby but he's doing the best he can outside of work. No strong support system to help you guys out.   I've totally been there and it's terrible.

    My advice to you would be to reserve your energy as much as you can.  Pumping around the clock, and visits to the hospital can drive anyone crazy.  Your entire house does not have to be spottless when baby comes home, so pick a few rooms where dd will be in the beginning and keep them clean, so you feel good about bringing her home when the time comes.

    I would cringe when people told me this, as I felt they really didn't understand, but take it from me. All the rest doesn't really matter.  Save your strength, get your rest (in between pumping), love your hubby, stay strong and it will all work out.  I promise :)

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  • Kelly_12Kelly_12 member
    Oh man, I don't miss those days. My 34 weeker was in the NICU for a month. I pumped every 3 hours round the clock, and went to visit him several times a day. (we live about 10 min away from hospital so just went back and forth lots). It was exhausting, physically, emotionally, just draining. DH and I suffered from many fights as well, he didn't understand why I was finding it so much harder than him. He didn't have to pump, he didn't have the feeling of failure to cope with, or the messed up hormones causing me to be a crazy person. 
    All I can say is.. you WILL get through this. I know you've heard that from every person going, and I HATED to hear that from people. But this will pass, it will. You just have to keep remembering that. Your LO will be home soon enough and everything will get easier.
    Also, my best advice for dealing with your hubby is just be open, be completely open and vulnerable and tell him everything you're feeling. It's hard, especially if you're not used to being an emotional person (this was my struggle) but get it out there and talk to him about it. It will help him be more compassionate to your struggles if he really gets where you're coming from.
    Goodluck mama, you can do it!
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