"So when are you two having babies?"

LittleLunarMouse · October 2013

Stop asking me that! I'm so sick of hearing this!

Every time we see DH's family I get asked this question. I get that they're just trying to be interested in our lives, but the answer hasn't changed since the last 500 times they've asked me. We're trying to be responsible adults and have a nice nest egg and a larger house (we currently live in a nice, but small, 1 bed duplex) before we actively start TTC. I don't get why they can't understand that we're trying to be as prepared as possible before we jump in with both feet. Trust me, NO ONE wants a baby NOW more than I do (cept maybe you ladies

but we just want to be able to offer our LO the life he/she deserves, which includes mommy and daddy being as stress free as possible.

Our first PG ended in a loss and I've been baby crazy ever since (2 years next month), but we weren't prepared for that little surprise (nor the ending) and the experience opened my eyes to how unprepared we were, and has given us the desire to be as prepared as possible this time around. I know you can never truly be 100% prepared, but is it so bad that I want to try? I just want to have all of our ducks in a row so that when we do get that BFP there can be more excitement than stress. I guess it just seems like that question is a slap in the face to me, not only because I should have a one year old right now, but because they know that and also know how badly I want kids AND what our plan is. I know they don't intend it that way but I can't help feeling that way either.

Did this ever happen to anyone/is happening now? Did it bother you or is it just me? How did you deal with it politely instead of snapping at them to shut up like I want to?

Also, HAI! I've been lurking for a while now, sorry my first post is a total rant, lol. Thanks for reading my wall of text! Ill be seeing you around I'm sure ;D my baby fever isn't going anywhere any time soon!

LittleLunarMouse · October 2013

Also, totally newb question for someone who's been on these boards for so long, but it's been a while so bear with me lol. How do you add paragraph breaks? Enter didn't work (maybe its cause I'm on my iPad?)

obxlaurak · October 2013

We haven't gotten the question outright, but my MIL constantly talks about how she can't wait for a grandSON (cuz, you know, we can control that). She's mentioned that she's going to start buying toy cars for her grandson and has talked about remodeling her office to be a nursery. They live 8 hours away and we visit maybe 2-3x/year. So, yeah.

My answer though, when people do randomly ask is "Between now and the end of time."

Ducktale · October 2013

You can't add paragraphs when bumping from an iPad.

We get that question a lot. Sometimes while being put totally on the spot in front of lots of people. I go back and forth between it being NBD and shrugging it off, and sometimes think it's completely rude. While it is totally nosy, I tell myself they're just excited for us. And while our reproductive schedule and birth control usage is none of their business, I'm sure many don't stop and think what they're really asking. To them, I think it's the same type of question as asking a high school senior if/where they're going to college, or an engaged couple "when's the big day". To them, a couple that has been married for awhile, they believe the natural question is "when are you starting a family?"

CoachAP · October 2013

LittleLunarMouse said:

Stop asking me that! I'm so sick of hearing this! Every time we see DH's family I get asked this question. I get that they're just trying to be interested in our lives, but the answer hasn't changed since the last 500 times they've asked me. We're trying to be responsible adults and have a nice nest egg and a larger house (we currently live in a nice, but small, 1 bed duplex) before we actively start TTC. I don't get why they can't understand that we're trying to be as prepared as possible before we jump in with both feet. Trust me, NO ONE wants a baby NOW more than I do (cept maybe you ladies but we just want to be able to offer our LO the life he/she deserves, which includes mommy and daddy being as stress free as possible. Our first PG ended in a loss and I've been baby crazy ever since (2 years next month), but we weren't prepared for that little surprise (nor the ending) and the experience opened my eyes to how unprepared we were, and has given us the desire to be as prepared as possible this time around. I know you can never truly be 100% prepared, but is it so bad that I want to try? I just want to have all of our ducks in a row so that when we do get that BFP there can be more excitement than stress. I guess it just seems like that question is a slap in the face to me, not only because I should have a one year old right now, but because they know that and also know how badly I want kids AND what our plan is. I know they don't intend it that way but I can't help feeling that way either. Did this ever happen to anyone/is happening now? Did it bother you or is it just me? How did you deal with it politely instead of snapping at them to shut up like I want to? Also, HAI! I've been lurking for a while now, sorry my first post is a total rant, lol. Thanks for reading my wall of text! Ill be seeing you around I'm sure ;D my baby fever isn't going anywhere any time soon!

Have you given people that response when they ask?

SmileyJay · October 2013

Just roll your eyes and say "ugh, that question again?!" in a joking way.

I try to take it as a compliment that our families think we are ready and would make great parents. They are excited about having a new member of the family. It is comforting to know that others are behind our decision so that when it does happen, there is nothing much excitement.

We are still in the planning phase but have a lot of our ducks in a row. The only time it irritates me is when someone says "you guys are ready" just because they were in an awful situation when they chose to have their first. We really don't want to struggle with money like others in our family have. It is hard to come up with the words sometimes to say that we feel our children deserve more than what they were able to give theirs. You know what I mean? Like someone who had planned their first when they were 19 and broke will not understand that we want to max our IRA contributions and travel overseas first. Just very different priorities so it gets me really irritated when I find myself defending how we are trying to prepare when others procreate willy-nilly. To add to it, I am young (23) so it is not like we are running out of time.

You and I are soul sisters on this one!

ErinSays · October 2013

You can add breaks from an ipad; you just have to add < b r > without the spaces to the end of the last sentence in the paragraph.

yellowrose314 · October 2013

I don't get this from family so much (except my sister... who for some reason is determined to be an auntie... she even threatened to start poking holes in our condoms >.<...), mostly from acquaintances or even complete strangers. The people I get it from the most are my patients, funnily enough. Mostly the older ladies, who (up until recently, since we've decided to TTC in the next couple of months) tell me that "time is a ticking!" and "better do it now before you run out of eggs". Honestly it doesn't bother me too much, the old ladies make me laugh. I usually just say we're waiting to be financially stable before we start a family. Most people remark that that's smart, and good luck. If they push... well... the ol' bean dipping trick I learnt from the Knotties always works wonders

ljraff29 · October 2013

DH and I get asked that ALL the time from my fil. While we are TTC they don't know that. He started asking before the wedding! Really it makes me feel bad because they have a grandson from my sil and she is expecting another in March. It doesn't matter to fik though because they don't have his last name. For that reason I hope we have girls (I'm happy with either but just to be spiteful). My family doesn't bother too much, but they know I stopped BCP.

You are doing the right thing by waiting. We wouldn't be trying if we didn't buy a house a few months ago. You'll know when the time is right. Good luck:)

LittleLunarMouse · October 2013

@coachAP

Yes, that is the general response I give when they ask. Thats why its so annoying, they've heard it like 50 times by now and the answer still hasn't changed. And we've only been married a year and half!

LittleLunarMouse · October 2013

@ThCraftyKoala

Thats a great way to look at it! I guess I never thought about it that way

Thank you for that!

It reminds me of my favourite Captain Jack quote "the problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem". Guess it took another viewpoint to make me see it that way! Thanks again! This is why I love these boards ;3

LittleLunarMouse · October 2013

@Everyone

Thanks ladies! Guess all I needed was a little perspective, and I got it! You were all tremendously helpful ^^

CowgirlK39 · October 2013

We get this a lot, but it's way worse now that SIL had her baby. She is the exact situ we are trying to avoid. She lives in a tiny 1 bedroom with her DH, barely making ends meet and now have a baby factored into that. We really want a house first, but we started sort of TTC (not really trying though) to try to iron out my physical problems first. We will get more serious about it when we feel we are more settled. We usually answer the dreaded question with "we will get there" or "someday."

CAREBEAR0751 · October 2013

I agree with babylawyer....it never ends! 'When are you....getting engaged/married/buying a house/having a baby/having another baby/etc?' Most of the time it's just conversation to ask someone questions about their life when you are catching up. I also agree that family is most likely just excited, but they still should just keep their nose out of your's and DH's business. Neither my fam or my DH's family ask, so I guess I don't know how it feels. I have friends that ask though and I really dance around it off or lie....LOL. We just do not want anyone to know and have people bugging us or deal with explaining if we for any reason have problems.

While I am responding....hello to everyone and GL trying! I am in my second month off the pill and are in the 'when it happens, it happens' stage

CAREBEAR0751 · October 2013

Oh one more comment on being ready.....my DH and I are at an age where we personally feel we need to get moving in the child department. We have a decent nest egg, but unfortunately cannot sell our tiny 900 sq ft condo in the big city we live in (bought at height in 2006). I felt the same way about being prepared and I still do, but I made the decision to not wait until we can afford to buy a second home (do not want to rent a bigger place because we refi'd and mortgage is dirt cheap-affords us to be able to save more). With the way the economy is now and buying homes, saving that kind of $ will take a while and I am not willing to wait 2-3 years to start a fam. We both make a good salaries and can afford to save and have a child after running the numbers many times. We will have to sacrifice things, but who doesn't have to do that (dinners, travel, shopping, etc.). Is anyone else in this crazy position???

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