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DD

JoJoGeeJoJoGee member
edited October 2013 in Blended Families
Thank you ladies for your input.  I don't necessarily agree with everything each of you had to say.  But, I'll take all of it under consideration.  I really appreciate each of you taking time to respond.
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Re: DD

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    +just+j++just+j+ member
    edited October 2013
    You stepped out if line. Sorry. Your relationship with your neice will be and should be up to your brother to manage. Stay out of their parenting business and just offer love and support and an ear to your neice and brother. Do not fight his fight unless he asks for assistance but you should take a back seat. Your wishes to stay in her life should be spoken to your brother.

    Give your SIL time to chill out. When you do speak to her tell first you are sorry and that you stepped out of line. State that its because you love your neice so much and it was coming from good intentions. I would then say that you are sorry about their seperation and that if there is anything you can do to help with your neice please let you know.

    Thats it. Do not meddle. Do not judge. Do not make excuses for yourself. Then step back.

    Do not be surprised however if she never trusts or contacts you again. You just drew the line in the sand. She probably will not be quick to allow you onto her side. And i say this nicely... I dont blame her.
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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    SueBearSueBear member

    WTF?  What kind of parent threatens their child with putting them in foster care?  That is just cruel.  They sound like azzwipes.

    You did step out of line.  Unfortunately, it's not even your brother's call if you have a relationship with DN (unless he adopted her).  It's all up to SIL (or, failing that, her bio-dad if he is in the picture). 

    I would allow things to cool down, then approach SIL.  You need to ask her permission to visit DN, etc. 

    The fact that DN is 14 can help you, too.  If she is on social media, friend her (or otherwise connect). Just MAKE SURE what you do cannot be considered going behind her mom's back.  If you are already fb friends, check up on her occasionally.  Or email or text her.  But you really need to respect her mom.

    If you really think there is a chance she would be placed in foster care, and you would want to foster her, you need to go to your state and see how to qualify / prepare to be approved as a foster parent.  It is a lengthy process, particularly if you are not family (which I don't think you would be).

     

     

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    +just+j++just+j+ member
    edited October 2013
    You should probably tell your brother the same apology. And then step back and follow and respect his parenting. You should know that in most states you do not have rites to your neice so it would serve you well to respect their parental boundaries.

    My family sees my daughter all the time so that did not change in my divorce. They respect me as a parent and did not meddle. They offered advice and loving support and continue to do so. They will step in and help only if I ask them to.

    XH's family....thats an entirely different dynamic. They meddle and both XH and I do nothing to facilitate and we restrict those relationships.
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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    CurlyQ284CurlyQ284 member
    What kind of parent threatens their kid with foster care? You probably shouldn't have said anything but what a weird situation. I can't say I'd have the perfect thing to say when my niece is telling me her parents might send her to foster care.
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