Looks like another BFN

AlmostWright · October 2013

This will probably be long so I apologize in advance. Today is 13 dpo/dpIUI#1. I finally gave in and tested, and it looks like another BFN. I figured when the cramps started last night but was holding out some hope until now. I can't imagine it would turn into a BFP at this point but beta is Tuesday.

I am pretty crushed and don't know what to do next. It has been 35 months of TTC, 28 cycles, 9 of those after the hydro tube was removed. Statistics show most are pregnant very quickly after surgery. I respond really well to the clomid, had 2 great follies this time, and a great count from DH. I don't know what to do next. If it didn't work with all of this in our favor, what are the chances of it working at all? I am hoping to talk to my RE Tuesday, but I am thinking our options are:

1) IUI2. I don't think they would change the meds since we don't want more follies. Pluses are less cost and meds, but I am guessing the odds of it working are very low.

2) move right to IVF. RE said we could move to IVF at any point. Plus should be better odds. But we we have a ton of concerns. Cost and all the meds and side effects are up there, but the big one is that we know we wouldn't want to destroy or donate any extra embryos. We would want to give them all a chance and raise all our possible kids ourselves. But what if that was 4 more? Or more? And maybe we are just meant to have one child. Which brings up option 3.

3) be done. We have DS who is amazing and will be 4 soon. He is apparently a miracle and maybe we are just meant to have him. We are not religious but maybe we are asking too much for another. Maybe another wouldn't be healthy. But would I regret not trying more?

If we didn't have DS, I think the choice would be easier. But that is the difference with 2IF and I am hoping you ladies have some thoughts and advice. Time to dry the tears and go back to my in-laws who are here visiting. Thanks for reading this all and I hope it formatted ok from my phone.

Jen071407 · October 2013

I'm so sorry

I don't think you need to give up hope just yet, especially if that was just iui#1. I also respond well to meds, but it took until iui#3 for our first bfp. So if cost is a big factor (as it is for us) then I think you still have hope! (((Hugs)))

Gator_Bride07 · October 2013

I'm so sorry. IF is so cruel. I've read on this board that when the sadness of giving up is greater than the sadness of a BFN, you should keep trying. When it reverses, maybe it's time for a break. How do you feel about taking a month off? Does it sound doable, or would you think you were missing out on an opportunity to get pg?

SnowflakeBride06 · October 2013

Nothing but hugs. I am in the same boat and contemplating the same things

pettycrocker · October 2013

Well I've heard most people do at least 3 IUI cycles before moving on to IVF, because IVF is so much more invasive, and requires so much more meds and much more intense monitoring etc. It's typically left as a last resort.

I chose to more forward with the IVF after just one IUI because our RE gave us a 10% success rate even with the meds vs. a 45% chance of success with the IVF. So in my mind it seemed pointless to keep going with the IUIs (and the Clomid that made me nuts) when the odds of it working were so so slim.

In our case though, we're still unexplained- all the testing has come back perfect, but for some reason it's just not happening. If I was in your shoes and I knew the hydro was causing issues- and I had that repaired, I honestly think I'd give it the 3 shots with just the IUIs and hope for the best. Because you actually found an issue and resolved it, ykwim?

Good luck with whatever path you choose.

Eta- Sorry I missed the part about the extra embryos! This is another thing that is really hard for me too. Our RE flat out told us not to even bother freezing our extra embies (if any) because our clinic has such a crappy success rate with FETs- which leaves me with that option you mentioned - of donating or destroying. At first I thought no doubt we'd donate, but then I thought- what if we donated an embie to a family that abused it? Or some other crazy crap, right? H said "who would go through this whole process just to abuse a kid?" idk.. I just feel like anything could happen, right? You're right, this is probably the hardest part about IVF

SnowflakeBride06 · October 2013

Mrs Castillo said:

Well I've heard most people do at least 3 IUI cycles before moving on to IVF, because IVF is so much more invasive, and requires so much more meds and much more intense monitoring etc. It's typically left as a last resort.

I chose to more forward with the IVF after just one IUI because our RE gave us a 10% success rate even with the meds vs. a 45% chance of success with the IVF. So in my mind it seemed pointless to keep going with the IUIs (and the Clomid that made me nuts) when the odds of it working were so so slim.

In our case though, we're still unexplained- all the testing has come back perfect, but for some reason it's just not happening. If I was in your shoes and I knew the hydro was causing issues- and I had that repaired, I honestly think I'd give it the 3 shots with just the IUIs and hope for the best. Because you actually found an issue and resolved it, ykwim?

Good luck with whatever path you choose.

Eta- Sorry I missed the part about the extra embryos! This is another thing that is really hard for me too. Our RE flat out told us not to even bother freezing our extra embies (if any) because our clinic has such a crappy success rate with FETs- which leaves me with that option you mentioned - of donating or destroying. At first I thought no doubt we'd donate, but then I thought- what if we donated an embie to a family that abused it? Or some other crazy crap, right? H said "who would go through this whole process just to abuse a kid?" idk.. I just feel like anything could happen, right? You're right, this is probably the hardest part about IVF

I too would consider donation. One of concerns with it among others is that those embryos are genetically related and my kids could have siblings elsewhere because of the embryos we donated. I know its far fetched but what if they met and fell in love? I think about this with sperm donation too but the embryos are genetically part of me and DH.

I know this doesn't help your decision but it where I am at in my thought process.

pettycrocker · October 2013

@snowflakebride06 I've thought things like that too. Or just going into a store and happen to stand in line behind a kid that looks exactly like your kids? How weird would that be, then you'd be wondering "Did I just stand in line behind my donated embryo?"

ally510 · October 2013

I'm so sorry for your BFN. I'm not sure I have any advice...it's such a personal decision. That said, we're unexplained; every test has come back perfect so it was first recommended that we try IUI. After seeing the better success rates with IVF and wanting our kids to be close in age (DD will be 2 Wednesday), we decided to go straight to IVF. GL!

freakyfast · October 2013

I am so sorry to hear about your test. I think when the time is right you will make the right decision for you and your family.

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