Is this normal? MIL/grandma question

Toni828 · October 2013

I wasn't sure where to post this, and since I am here a lot and have twins I picked the the multiples forum! Anyways, my MIL is constantly bringing us stuff for the babies. It started while I was pregnant and then really got crazy after the babies were born. Apparently she started frequenting yard sales and thrift stores while I was pregnant and has not stopped yet. Now, I have no problem with used goods, but this seems to be getting out of hand. Not only that but she is contantly bringing me their next holiday outfit months before the holiday is here. She already tells me she has this and that - things we won't need for a year or more. Things that I have not even thought about purchasing because there is no need for it yet. She buys things that I have asked her not to get. We have a small house and no extra space for this stuff. It's really starting to annoy me. Partly because I have no space and partly because these are my first kids and I want to buy them the things they need. Ya, it's nice to have help from grandparents, don't get me wrong, I am not being ungrateful. But I just feel as if this is out of hand. My DH just says, say thank you and use what you want, blah, blah, blah..... So, back to my initial question...is this normal for a grandma (especially if it's her first grandkids) to go crazy buying stuff like this?

10-4LilBuddy · October 2013

I think so. My MIL has been bringing us stuff all the time. Is it in character for yours? My MIL is such a people pleaser that she is always buying someone something. We had to tell her to stop buying clothes because we are running out of room. Plus, she bought a significant amount of stuff of our registry then complained to me about no one having anything left to buy on the registry. Sigh. Can't really complain bc she's nice and she's just trying to be helpful.

CaliCarly77 · October 2013

My mom immediately sent stuff for them as soon as she found out - which made me nervous because we were only at 13 weeks. She hasn't stopped and I get nervous about it, since she does not have a whole lot of expendable income.

My MIL on the other hand, insisted she buy us car seats. She mentioned car seats casually at first, but then I got some infant ones from another twin mom for super cheap and in great condition. Well she went nuts and sounded like her feelings were hurt that she couldn't get me car seats (despite my suggesting multiple other things we will really need). So I registered for the convertible ones and she bought us those - we live in a two bedroom apartment, so we had to put them in storage and they are taking up the whole $$ storage space - - for something we wont need for over a year. Ridiculous.

I would go nuts in your shoes - its too much! Your husband is right, just use what you need, but I can't even imagine all the stuff coming in!

smscartozzi · October 2013

Ugh, my MIL does this to some extent too. She buys EVERY holiday outfit and it pisses me off. It's my kid, I will pick what they wear on the holidays! I feel like holiday outfits are extra special. However, she does not go hog wild the rest of the year. I say take what she gives you, thank her, and then use what you want and consign the rest(buy her a nice Xmas gift?)! When you run out of space maybe your DH can politely tell her and ask her to slow down. The novelty will eventually wear off! Trust me, it's better than my mom...she doesn't buy anything, she isn't a baby person and prefers toddlers!

lwatkins12 · October 2013

My MIL bought a bunch of stuff at a neighbor's yard sale even after I said not to. This was very early in pregnancy that resulted in miscarriage. She claimed the stuff was brand new or barely used. Flash forward several months and I'm not expecting twins. We got the stuff from her and I was beyond angry. All of the stuff was very used and dirty. We're having two boys and one of the playpens she sent was pink and purple. And everything was 5-8 years old. I'm not comfortable using a bassinet and other things that old. We aren't poor and my FIL makes quite a bit over 6 figures so they aren't hurting for money. I donated at least half of the stuff and spent a lot of time sanitizing and cleaning what was left. We don't have much space in our house either and I don't want it cluttered with a bunch of junk. Basically, everything she has sent has been used including bibs.

JKGymnast · October 2013

My mother and DHs mother do not buy us much at all, except for holidays, so although your situation would seem nice, I would absolutely go crazy. It's NMS to use yard sale stuff and we can afford to buy what we need...
Good luck!

xoexpat · October 2013

Mine, too! We are getting ready to go on vacation to see them (they haven't met the twins yet!) and we were already told to bring empty suitcases! SHe likes to make stuff too.

Toni828 · October 2013

OK - I don't feel so alone on this now. Apparently grandmas just like to buy stuff for their grandchildren regardless of what the parents think. It's one thing if they were truly being a blessing, but it sounds like they would rather make us hoarders! LOL Maybe it's an older mentality to "stock up". Well, hopefully I can just get over this and not let it bother me. I haven't found that talking to her makes any difference at all. It seems to me that she has an agenda of her own.

Stephanie2167 · October 2013

My MIL knows that when it comes to Holiday outfits, they are mine to choose. She is a seamstress so she is always ready to make me something. She usually makes DDs Halloween costumes but this year we decided to just order from Etsy because I knew she was busy making 3 quilts.

mamatotwins0812 · October 2013

Totally feel your pain. My MIL is a legit shop-a-holic and just buys and buys and buys. I think for me it's not the actual "buying" that upsets me, but rather her getting something even after I tell her not to. The blatant disregard for my wishes is what really gets to me. Just yesterday she huffed and puffed bc she bought them (ugly) Halloween buckets, and was upset bc I told her I already had them. It's frustrating bc she will buy frivolous stuff rather than stuff they actually really need. She had bought them shirts for 4th of July and when I told her I already had them I asked if she could exchange for pj's bc we really needed those. I've yet to see the pj's...... To answer your question, I think it's "normal" but there's definitely ways of going about it. We have to do like pp's suggested also....just say thanks and then donate what we don't use (and have to deal with it later when she asks where it is lol). Good luck!!

TobieRose · October 2013

It's within the range of normal, I think. But I would definitely talk to her about how you feel if she is buying all their "firsts" and taking that away from you. You don't have to give that up! I've had that happen with Christmas outfits and ALMOST with DS1's first halloween costume. She probably doesn't realize it ... and even if she does then she might back down if you are up front about it.

And if she doesn't ... well, that's when it's not normal.

SWA80 · October 2013

My mom is doing the same thing. We don't like a lot of clutter so it is making us crazy. The boys are 6 weeks old, they don't need a wagon to pull around the house just yet. She also freaked out that I was going to use a purple bumbo that a friend passed on and bought me a green one. Which I exchanged for diapers :>

Toni828 · October 2013

mamatotwins0812 said:

Totally feel your pain. My MIL is a legit shop-a-holic and just buys and buys and buys. I think for me it's not the actual "buying" that upsets me, but rather her getting something even after I tell her not to. The blatant disregard for my wishes is what really gets to me. Just yesterday she huffed and puffed bc she bought them (ugly) Halloween buckets, and was upset bc I told her I already had them. It's frustrating bc she will buy frivolous stuff rather than stuff they actually really need. She had bought them shirts for 4th of July and when I told her I already had them I asked if she could exchange for pj's bc we really needed those. I've yet to see the pj's...... To answer your question, I think it's "normal" but there's definitely ways of going about it. We have to do like pp's suggested also....just say thanks and then donate what we don't use (and have to deal with it later when she asks where it is lol). Good luck!!

Yep - this is my problem too! I feel bad that she is wasting her $$$ when I know that she really does not have a lot of it. I guess she feels good when she buys stuff for them even if they won't be using it. Ugh! I hope it slows down eventually or maybe she will finally start to get us what we can actually use.

Toni828 · October 2013

TobieRose said:

It's within the range of normal, I think. But I would definitely talk to her about how you feel if she is buying all their "firsts" and taking that away from you. You don't have to give that up! I've had that happen with Christmas outfits and ALMOST with DS1's first halloween costume. She probably doesn't realize it ... and even if she does then she might back down if you are up front about it.

And if she doesn't ... well, that's when it's not normal.

Well, I finally decided that just because she gets them a holiday outfit does not mean they will wear it for that holiday. They might wear it that month or something but I think she will get it then. The woman just plain will not hear me out. She's 63 years old and finally has her first grandchildren. I guess she's excited! LOL I think with the last easter and halloween stuff she is starting to get the hint on that....I hope!

Toni828 · October 2013

SWA80 said:

My mom is doing the same thing. We don't like a lot of clutter so it is making us crazy. The boys are 6 weeks old, they don't need a wagon to pull around the house just yet. She also freaked out that I was going to use a purple bumbo that a friend passed on and bought me a green one. Which I exchanged for diapers :>

Awesome! And that is what I wish she would bring us - diapers and formula! The babies actually NEED those things! But that's no fun to buy, right?!

ntdane · October 2013

My mom gets DS a fair number of things and most of the time she seems to know where to draw the line. One thing she's learned over the last few years is that the two of us have very different taste in certain areas and if she's unsure about something she'll ask me. MIL....not so much. She bought a lot of holiday things for DS and I'm sure it will be worse with twins. They either didn't get used or were only used at their house. I wish for some things she would just take a minute to ask if we have it, ex a winter coat for DS. She told DH to tell me not to buy one, when I already bought him 2 last year when everything was super on sale. She and I clash on a lot of things so most of the clothes she gets DS end up as his messy play clothes because I just don't like them.

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