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April 2013 Moms
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Am I over reacting? (nbr...vent)

burneyonboardburneyonboard member
in April 2013 Moms
So dh is a good dad and provider but I wish he would help out more with the kids. He works at night and usually gets home at 3 but stays up for his "me" time til about 6am then he comes to bed. He is off a couple days a week and usually spends all of his extra time sleeping. He rarely changes a diaper or gives either one of the kids a bath. He has never given the baby a bath. If he is tired or wants to spend the entire day watching football, then he does. Things have been this way since we had our three yr old daughter. I worked up until the baby came and whether I'm coming home from work or running to the store, the second I walk in the door I am handed the kids. I pretty much do everything for the kids and never get a break or to sleep in. I EBF which I love but it is also very stressful at times. I am trying to wean but dh does not help or even initiate giving the baby a bottle or food...only me. Which I think Is most of the reason he is refusing to wean. I haven't had a good nights sleep in almost a year and I am drained. Every time I ask him for help or seem worn out he just says a joke about me being a sahm and how this is what I signed up for. My body is so sore bc I usually fall asleep nursing at some point during the night sitting up. Sorry this is so long and I could go on but am I over reacting? I love my babies so much and give them all of me but I would like a small break sometimes or him to take on some of the responsibility. I was doing all this before but does being a sahm mean you do everything for the kids. Thanks for letting me vent. I'm just so frustrated with him. I feel bad bc he does provide for us.
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Re: Am I over reacting? (nbr...vent)

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  • burneyonboardburneyonboard member
    shadysladyWed98470 said:

    I do not think you are over reacting at all. Being a provider does not just mean he brings home a paycheck. It also means he provides support, both physically and emotionally. Sounds like you need a real conversation with him about how you are feeling. And don't do it with the kids around bc then your convo will be cut short. Do it when the kids are in bed so you have lots of time, with no interruptions. Good luck. Sounds like you need some relief.

    I plan on it tonight...thank you!
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  • arschm02arschm02 member
    You are not over reacting. My husband also works nights and has his "me time" until anywhere from 3-5 am. I am okay with him not helping in the morning because it's his turn to sleep, but he is always willing to help on his days off. You may be a SAHM but you are not a single parent. Also, if he wants to refer to that as your job, then tell him you want a weekend liked everyone else.
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  • Lhyacinth888Lhyacinth888 member
    Nope. He should help more and he should want to help more to spend more time with his kids. I am a SAHM and my DH works 50 hour weeks, cooks like 60% of the time, gives baths to our kids, puts my toddler to bed half the time and gets up with our DD if I ask him to. My DH helps out a lot with our toddler since I bf DD he doesn't help as much. Everyone needs a break sometimes! Being a SAHM with no help is being on alert 24/7 and that is physically and mentally draining.
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  • tondraluvtondraluv member
    A talk is much needed, you def aren't overreacting

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  • JSS1002JSS1002 member
    You aren't over-reacting. I do tend to think that to a certain extent, when you are a SAHM, those duties fall more in your camp, but that isn't to say the man can't and/or shouldn't and/or shouldn't WANT to help when it is needed and when it makes sense (what I mean by this: when I was onleave,I did all the middle of the night stuff because DH had to work -- if I had NEEDED him,on occasion, to do that, he would have,but overall, that was "my job").

    Normally I would say "have you asked him for help?" but it sounds like you have -- and like he,frankly, just doesn't really care and doesn't see it has his responsibility,which makes him soundlike sort of a lousy partner/ friend.  Have you guys considered marriage counseling? 
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  • sparty11sparty11 member
    You are not over reacting at all. He can provide for you and still help with things. He needs his "me time" as do you. Tell him you need a weekend or week day to relax and have "me time". You work as hard or harder than he does being a sahm. If he thinks it's easy let him try it for a week. I think it's time for a nice long chat. Good luck, I hope after talking things get better!
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  • superTootssuperToots member
    You need a break. When he's home the kids should be 50/50! Sorry he's having trouble understanding that. Hope your talk goes well. Keep us posted!

      DS1 4.4.11. &  DS2 4.18.13
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