When to be concerned.. (julymomma)

JulyMomma2U2 · October 2013

So. Let me preface this by saying I *know* every kid is different and that each child will reach milestones on their own terms.. and, for those reasons you shouldn't compare one child to another.. but, it's hard!

DS2. My little man. He's making me an emotional mess these days. At our 2 month ped appointment, (along with the tort/plagio) our ped mentioned that he wasn't making good eye contact and tracking like they'd expect to see.. she said it's not always great by 2 months, but by 3 months we should be able to get his attention and he should be able to follow me.. I quickly said, oh he's probably just distracted, new place, etc.. but that he does well at home.. since then, I've been monitoring it like a hawk.. and, he's awful at it

I've spent a month trying to get him to look at me.. every day.. hours a day.. and, I'm lucky if in an entire day I can get 5 minutes total of him looking at me. Instead, he looks past me, or he looks to his sides.. if I try and block out his peripheral so he's only focusing on what's in front of him, he closes his eyes and cries.. I find he can look at me.. but when he does, I have to be like a foot or so away for it to happen.. and it's short lived.. when I do get his attention, he'll coo and smile and laugh at my faces.. but, once he looks away, it's almost impossible to grab his attention again. Seriously, I tried all day today (including this evening).. and maybe got his attention 3 or 4 times for max 1 minute each time.. by 4pm, I was a sobbing mess.. DH thinks I'm overreacting and he's fine.. claims "we thought this with DS1, too".. except, I don't remember that..

We also still have issues with belly time.. he doesn't like to lift his head.. he'll just lay flat. he does great holding his head up and such if I'm sitting him up.. he actually prefers that position.. but, it's like he has no idea how to use his arms to lift his chest up.. last night, while going through my pictures, I found pictures of DS1 nearly a month younger doing SO much better than DS2 ever has..

I don't know.. I just.. I'm freaking out thinking he's not on point.. this whole eye contact thing is panicking me. DS1 has his 15mo appointment in 2 weeks, I plan to ask the ped about DS2 then, because I can't wait until his 4 month appointment to have this checked..

Please tell me I'm overreacting, also.. or, am I right to be concerned.. is it "okay/normal" for a baby to have no interest in faces

He will look at other things.. he will stare at the TV (I use the TV to help get him to stretch his neck to the side he least prefers), and he will stare at the mobile over the mamaroo and the blinking light/singing cat thing that's hooked onto the playmat.. just not Momma's face

hopefulmom81 · October 2013

I'm sorry you are stressed

When DD was an infant (0-4 months), she was AWFUL at eye contact. I brought it up at all of her appointments before 4 months. I was nervous too. She also had a slight kink to her head and spent a lot of time with her head cocked to the left (not important in the story, but just relating it to the physical things that were mentioned to you).

Those first 3.5 months were NOTHING like what she turned into. She is the most social, vibrant, connected little girl I have ever met. Her language abilities are through the roof.

I don't know what was up with the eye contact those first few months, the only thing I can think is that she was overwhelmed with emotion when she connected with people (I read somewhere that when eyes lock it is a major jolt of energy for a baby), but in the end, none of what I was worrying about mattered.

I hope this helps a little.

JulyMomma2U2 · October 2013

Thanks ladies.

MickeyM04 · October 2013

I wouldn't worry too much just yet. I feel like it's a great sign that when he looks at you he coos and smiles and laughs. I take it you are concerned about autism perhaps since you can't grab his attention? I thought a huge red flag was no joyful smiling and laughter by a certain point (6 months I think). And you've got that already.

Also I'm sure it's different for toddlers but like PP said, DS ignores me a lot of the time, even when I call him. He's playing with his toys, he's looking to see where a sound is coming from, he wants to go see the dogs, he wants to go play with his book, he sees a door that I forgot to close...even at 17 months, everything is so new and exciting and attention grabbing nothing holds their interest for very long, especially mommy who is soooo boring compared to all the cool stuff going on.

I would take it as a good sign that he's super interested in his surroundings. It doesn't sound like he's just laying there staring into space. It sounds like he's investigating the world around him and that's great! I hope this helps you feel a little bit better!

KikiCohen · October 2013

I don't have any knowledge or advice about the eye contact. (hugs)

As far as tummy time: DS has positional plagio and at first he hated TT too. Try propping your son on the Boppy. P always did great with TT on our chests, but hated the floor. So we used the Boppy as an "in between". After a few days with that, we tried the floor again and saw major improvements!

I have almost daily sob fests/guilty feelings about DS's plagio, so I know where you're coming from.

KJsbabe · October 2013

I'm sorry you're so stressed! I don't have a lot of experience with the eyes, but just remember baby's eyes are still developing at this age. They don't have clear vision or depth perception like we do until 6m. I would get some high contrast pictures (like black and white) for him to look at to simulate his sight.

On the tummy time, DD absolutely hated tummy time! All she would do was scream. She wouldn't even try to push up for the longest time. She didn't start lifting her head and pushing up until almost 4m. I know it's hard to keep in mind, but every baby is different. Siblings, even twins, will develop at different rates.

JulyMomma2U2 · October 2013

Thanks ladies,, really, I found a lot of comfort in these responses!! DS had therapy today and I watched him the whole time interacting with the therapist.. And then, we went to my Mom's this evening and he interacted with her and my Dad a ton..I wonder if maybe he's just bored with *my* face? We've spent every waking moment together for the past 3 months..! I suppose I'd be sick of me, too ;-) I was SO relieved to see him looking at my parents tonight that I welled with tears, of course prompting my Mom to ask me what's wrong., when I explained, she laughed and said he's been looking at her all night, and I'm worrying for nothing.. Honestly after seeing him today/tonight, I'd have to agree... He really was so interactive with them!! And, when I had him at therapy, I even saw him looking for me.. Craning his neck when he heard my voice.. Huge sigh of relief. I did talk with the therapist about him not doing great with TT, and she said the fact that he sits up so well already is a great workout for his neck and that TT will click eventually.. I'm feeling a lot better tonight.. Thanks so much ladies.. I was so upset and scared last night,. !! If it means he doesn't wanna look at Momma, but all is well, that's fine by me!!

misternmiss · October 2013

I didn't respond earlier to your post because I don't have experience with any of this yet. But I just wanted to say that I'm really glad you were given some reassurance by seeing your DS interact with other people. Sometimes we need those reminders every now and then that we ARE doing a good job and our babies ARE doing exactly what they should be doing. Maybe a little more so than most mamas. Hugs.

JulyMomma2U2 · October 2013

@misternmiss - I think you hit the nail on the head with the "maybe a little more so than most mamas".. I think having had a loss, sometimes I can be SO paranoid about things.. both of my pregnancies, I spent every minute trying to be in tune with my body and making the right decisions in order to *protect* my babies the best that I could.. in a lot of ways I'm still just as over protective now.. I want them to be healthy, live long and prosperous lives.. and, of course, I fear anything that could interfere. sometimes, causing me to over analyze situations.. but, I swear.. DH has said it, too.. it's like DS has decided he's "scared Momma enough".. these past few days he's been FABULOUS with eye contact.. I honestly feel a bazillion times better now

adoxyinherear · October 2013

So many hugs. It sounds like everyone's got great advice for you, and I know how hard it is not to stress (we've got issues of our own right now). Would agree with PPs on the high contrast pictures, and also on the tummy time... you're wearing him, and that totally counts.

orangegoggles · October 2013

I'm glad you got some reassurance. It all sounds completely normal

::Hugs:: I often do the same thing.

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