dealing with death of a child (Adrian Peterson)

mommymegan831 · October 2013

DH is a big football fan and this week a player, Adrian Peterson's, 2 year old son was beat by the boy's mother's boyfriend. On Thursday the child was on life support and the father was a practice. Friday the boy died, and Peterson has guaranteed he'll be playing Sunday because it takes his mind off things and keeps him going. I get that we're not supposed to judge and support this man and understand his need to keep his mind of things or move on, but this was his child, isn't it appropriate to take time to morn the boy and be there for your family? Even on Thursday when the boy was on his death bed, he wasn't there?!?! I take this as working mom appropriate because football is his job and he's turning to his profession rather than dwelling on his loss. WDYT? DH thinks he wants a standing ovation and sympathy from the crowd. Is it wrong to be judging him for not taking time off to morn the way I think a parent should? The boy just died yesterday, I would think he should be where the boy lives helping to make arrangements. I'm assuming he just sent a check and that was probably the extend of his parenting.

smrfyone · October 2013

Is it wrong to judge how someone handles the death of a child? Yes. It's even worse to suggest Adrian Peterson needs to milk the death of a child for crowd sympathy. From the tone of your post, I think you already know you would need to walk a mile his shoes before judging. Are you aware of the adversity he has overcome in his life? Come on, now.

mommymegan831 · October 2013

smrfyone said:

Is it wrong to judge how someone handles the death of a child? Yes. It's even worse to suggest Adrian Peterson needs to milk the death of a child for crowd sympathy. From the tone of your post, I think you already know you would need to walk a mile his shoes before judging. Are you aware of the adversity he has overcome in his life? Come on, now.

I know nothing about his life, I just know if my child was on their death bed, I'd be there. I think I don't understand how he could not be there for him then more than I don't understand how he's playing on Sunday.

Katie829 · October 2013

From what I know he never met the child.

Secondly people handle grief differently. It really sucks when someone judges that. My husband and BIL acted completely different when my FIL died last year. Neither were wrong.

Katie829 · October 2013

I read this just now.

“Football is something I will always fall back on,” he concluded. “It gets me through tough times. Just being around the guys in here, that’s what I need in my life — guys supporting me and just being able to go out and play this game I love. Things that I go through, I’ve said a thousand times, it helps me play this game to a different level. I’m able to release a lot of stress through this sport, so that’s what I plan on doing.”

https://nfl.si.com/2013/10/11/adrian-peterson-son-died-south-dakota-police-confirm/

mommymegan831 · October 2013

Katie829 said:

I read this just now. “Football is something I will always fall back on,” he concluded. “It gets me through tough times. Just being around the guys in here, that’s what I need in my life — guys supporting me and just being able to go out and play this game I love. Things that I go through, I’ve said a thousand times, it helps me play this game to a different level. I’m able to release a lot of stress through this sport, so that’s what I plan on doing.” https://nfl.si.com/2013/10/11/adrian-peterson-son-died-south-dakota-police-confirm/

I read that too, at 1st it made sense, but then I'm just thinking if my child just died, my role is to make arrangements and be there for my family. Doing what I need to do to help me release stress would have to wait a week while I get things together for my child and the family. As much as it sucks, sometimes we just have to be stressed for a while because something we go through in life are stressful.

I do feel bad about judging, and I get people handle things very differently, it's just something about this doesn't make sense. What you said about him never meeting the boy fits.

Maybride2 · October 2013

From what I've read, he only JUST learned that this kd was his. He had never even met him, never knew he even existed until he learned he was on life support in a hospital. So no, I don't really expect him to grieve the way a "normal" parent would grieve their child. Because he wasn't much more than a sperm donor. I'm sure he's sad, and probably regrets never knowing him and is angry that a child could be killed like that.........but I don't expect him to grieve this death any more than I expect anyone on this board to grieve this death.

dukeblue27 · October 2013

Just FYI I'm from the town that the boy died in and on Thursday AP was eating lunch at a restaurant down town taking pictures and signing autographs. This was before anyone knew why he was in town. Even if he had never met the boy before that day maybe he should have still been at the hospital.

financialdiva · October 2013

I agree that everyone deals with grief different. Sometimes people need distractions to move on.

That being said, how many days off of work would you get after, God forbid, lose a child? Standard three day bereavement if your company offers it? Then you would have to use the rest of your vacation time if you had any. So what would you do if you needed your job? So sad to think about it.

I had a coworker lose his 4 month old. He took a week off and then came back. So sad.

AsOctoberFalls · October 2013

I would never judge how anyone chooses to grieve. Period.

aeh72 · October 2013

There is so much sadness in this entire story - first and foremost the tragic murder of a child by someone who, by all accounts, had no business being alone with him. The other part of this story that makes me sad is thinking that if I were Adrien Peterson, how angry I would be that I was not told about this child's existence with enough time to try and make a difference in his life - because signs seem to pointing to this child not being in a very good home environment. (This is all assuming he would want to - I don't know anything really about the story other than the little I've read in the media.)

But, I won't judge Adrien Peterson for playing today and I won't judge him no matter how he chooses to grieve - it's a situation that none of us can remotely relate to (I would imagine) and would hope to never be in the position to have to relate to.

RondackHiker · October 2013

Everyone who judges how he handled his grief sucks.

So he was playing when the boy was on life support? Maybe the earliest flight he could book was after practice and he wanted to be distracted. Maybe he was stunned hearing that he had a child and the child was dying and he was angry and sad and hurt and confused and needed processing time to figure out what to do. Maybe he wasn't sure if going was the right thing to do... He's never met the child, would it hurt or confuse the child or cause drama?

He ate lunch and signed signatures... Omg, what a heartless man!! Maybe the mom was at the hospital then and he didn't want to see the woman who hid the child from him or who dated the man who hurt him. Maybe the child was undergoing procedures and the family was asked to step out. Maybe his presence was disrupting things at the hospital and he wanted to give other families space. Maybe he was hungry and didn't want to disrupt frightened families in the cafeteria. Maybe he signed autographs because it was an automatic thing and he didn't want to be a jerk to the fans who had no way to know what he was experiencing. Maybe he was still confused about what he was feeling. Maybe he didn't want to talk to fans but wasn't ready to admit he just learned he had a child who was dying.

Maybe he wants to play because he feels it is his job to help his team. Maybe he's desperate to feel normal. Maybe he's desperate to keep his mind off things. Maybe he's planning things at other times. Maybe he's not sure he should be allowed to plan since he wasn't in the child's life. Maybe he's got forty lawyers going after the culprit.

Or maybe he's a cold hearted dick and we should all judge him.

Knock it off with the judging. A child died. Your method of grieving (actually, let's be clear, your IMAGINED method of grieving the death of a child you didn't know was yours at the hands of a horrible person) is not better than his.

Karla CS · October 2013

Apparently he didn't get the handbook that outlines the appropriate way to grieve. Shame on him, how dare he.

No, I don't judge him. First off, the only thing you know is what the media conveyed, and guess what? It's all geared towards sensationalism. They're trying to sell stories, build up the hype. And even if you did know all the details, that handbook is out of print, and apparently you're the only one with a copy, so I don't know the 'approved' grieving process.

Virgo17 · October 2013

I don't really care how he chooses to grieve, and it's none of my business. All I keep thinking about is what that poor, defenseless child went through. It is such a tragedy...

jlaOK · October 2013

I went to OU when Adrian was playing, so I admit, I'm biased towards him. I think the fact that he didn't know the child existed and never met him plays a big role in how he responded to his death. I also agree that no one should be judged, no matter the situation. I just hope that he uses his status and "celebrity" platform to work towards stopping the senseless harm that's caused by domestic violence.

court115 · October 2013

AsOctoberFalls said:

I would never judge how anyone chooses to grieve. Period.

This. To each their own.

SunAndRain · October 2013

I honestly don't understand what there is to judge here, other than the monster who beat that child. Leave the bio-dad alone.

RondackHiker · October 2013

Nicb13 said:

mommymegan831 said:

DH is a big football fan and this week a player, Adrian Peterson's, 2 year old son was beat by the boy's mother's boyfriend. On Thursday the child was on life support and the father was a practice. Friday the boy died, and Peterson has guaranteed he'll be playing Sunday because it takes his mind off things and keeps him going. I get that we're not supposed to judge and support this man and understand his need to keep his mind of things or move on, but this was his child, isn't it appropriate to take time to morn the boy and be there for your family? Even on Thursday when the boy was on his death bed, he wasn't there?!?! I take this as working mom appropriate because football is his job and he's turning to his profession rather than dwelling on his loss. WDYT? DH thinks he wants a standing ovation and sympathy from the crowd. Is it wrong to be judging him for not taking time off to morn the way I think a parent should? The boy just died yesterday, I would think he should be where the boy lives helping to make arrangements. I'm assuming he just sent a check and that was probably the extend of his parenting.

This is awful.

@mommymegan831 and @dukeblue27 were both pretty awful and judgy in this post.

dukeblue27 · October 2013

Sorry my post came off as awful and judgy I was just stating a fact that he was out to lunch and signing autographs. I agree that everyone deals with loss differently but I am also allowed to state my opinion as I did.

Kmartinrvt13 · October 2013

Sorry my post came off as awful and judgy I was just stating a fact that he was out to lunch and signing autographs. I agree that everyone deals with loss differently but I am also allowed to state my opinion as I did.

You are, but you also have to think he never knew the boy existed until this happened, the man that beat this boy to death took on the role of father to him, you cannot say AP was not grieving but to say he did it wrong is stupid. And eh part about just sending a check is crap. AP is a great individual and a good guy. I'm sure if he knew the boy before finding out he was lying in a hospital bed dying he would have been there. But you can't expect someone who knows nothing about a child to act like a parent in this kind of situation, he acted like most of us did. He was sad and thought it never should have happened. I watched the game Sunday and listened to what he had to say about it afterwards and you know I commend him for even saying anything about it on national television because he most certainly didn't have to.

RondackHiker · October 2013

dukeblue27 said:
Sorry my post came off as awful and judgy I was just stating a fact that he was out to lunch and signing autographs. I agree that everyone deals with loss differently but I am also allowed to state my opinion as I did.

Of course you are allowed an opinion.

But people are also allowed to tell you when you're being a jerk. It isn't okay to judge how a parent handles grief, or how anyone handles grief.

So he didn't do it the way you would. Big whoop. It is jerky to say he did things wrong, because he IS grieving and because you really have no idea of what was going on.

dukeblue27 · October 2013

I understand some people don't like what I said and I'm ok with people expressing their opinion to me about that I believe everyone is allowed to say what they think. I apologize if I upset anyone with what I posted that being said I am done with this post thread and this will be my last post regarding this subject. Again I apologize if I upset anyone.

mommymegan831 · October 2013

Nicb13 said:

mommymegan831 said:

DH is a big football fan and this week a player, Adrian Peterson's, 2 year old son was beat by the boy's mother's boyfriend. On Thursday the child was on life support and the father was a practice. Friday the boy died, and Peterson has guaranteed he'll be playing Sunday because it takes his mind off things and keeps him going. I get that we're not supposed to judge and support this man and understand his need to keep his mind of things or move on, but this was his child, isn't it appropriate to take time to morn the boy and be there for your family? Even on Thursday when the boy was on his death bed, he wasn't there?!?! I take this as working mom appropriate because football is his job and he's turning to his profession rather than dwelling on his loss. WDYT? DH thinks he wants a standing ovation and sympathy from the crowd. Is it wrong to be judging him for not taking time off to morn the way I think a parent should? The boy just died yesterday, I would think he should be where the boy lives helping to make arrangements. I'm assuming he just sent a check and that was probably the extend of his parenting.

This is awful.

why is that awful? How could anyone who has a relationship with their child not be with them when they're in the hospital? I get that's so taboo to say and I'm so judgmental for wondering why a parent wouldn't be there is a situation like that, but people would judge you if you missed a child's recital or big game and I just think hospital bed trumps those situations, so why I am so wrong to wonder why he wasn't there. I knew something didn't sound right, and now apparently he didn't know about the child until this incident, so I guess it makes sense.

mommymegan831 · October 2013

JNL$LSM said:

No one grieves the same. I judge the ass hole that did this and the Mom. From the reports this is not his first time beating a child. Folks can't leave their children with any and everybody our job is protect our children we do background checks and investigate them what's the difference with boyfriends?

Since we're all on a judging bandwagon, I think it's really unfair to judge the mom. She clearly made a huge mistake trusting this man, but you don't know what she really knew, how she knew him (maybe high school friends and she figured he'd made mistakes but had grown up), you don't know how he treated the boy when she was around that made her feel comfortable leaving him with the boyfriend. I'm sure she regrets her decision and she is paying for it dearly so she really doesn't need to be judged by anyone who doesn't know her story.

MagPie 1986 · October 2013

mommymegan831 said:

DH is a big football fan and this week a player, Adrian Peterson's, 2 year old son was beat by the boy's mother's boyfriend. On Thursday the child was on life support and the father was a practice. Friday the boy died, and Peterson has guaranteed he'll be playing Sunday because it takes his mind off things and keeps him going. I get that we're not supposed to judge and support this man and understand his need to keep his mind of things or move on, but this was his child, isn't it appropriate to take time to morn the boy and be there for your family? Even on Thursday when the boy was on his death bed, he wasn't there?!?! I take this as working mom appropriate because football is his job and he's turning to his profession rather than dwelling on his loss. WDYT? DH thinks he wants a standing ovation and sympathy from the crowd. Is it wrong to be judging him for not taking time off to morn the way I think a parent should? The boy just died yesterday, I would think he should be where the boy lives helping to make arrangements. I'm assuming he just sent a check and that was probably the extend of his parenting.

wow. I'm not judging AP but I'm hardcore judging you.

MagPie 1986 · October 2013

mommymegan831 said:

Nicb13 said:

mommymegan831 said:

DH is a big football fan and this week a player, Adrian Peterson's, 2 year old son was beat by the boy's mother's boyfriend. On Thursday the child was on life support and the father was a practice. Friday the boy died, and Peterson has guaranteed he'll be playing Sunday because it takes his mind off things and keeps him going. I get that we're not supposed to judge and support this man and understand his need to keep his mind of things or move on, but this was his child, isn't it appropriate to take time to morn the boy and be there for your family? Even on Thursday when the boy was on his death bed, he wasn't there?!?! I take this as working mom appropriate because football is his job and he's turning to his profession rather than dwelling on his loss. WDYT? DH thinks he wants a standing ovation and sympathy from the crowd. Is it wrong to be judging him for not taking time off to morn the way I think a parent should? The boy just died yesterday, I would think he should be where the boy lives helping to make arrangements. I'm assuming he just sent a check and that was probably the extend of his parenting.

This is awful.

why is that awful? How could anyone who has a relationship with their child not be with them when they're in the hospital? I get that's so taboo to say and I'm so judgmental for wondering why a parent wouldn't be there is a situation like that, but people would judge you if you missed a child's recital or big game and I just think hospital bed trumps those situations, so why I am so wrong to wonder why he wasn't there. I knew something didn't sound right, and now apparently he didn't know about the child until this incident, so I guess it makes sense.

just stop talking. please.

PunkyBooster · October 2013

I don't really care about his role in the child's life or whatever. I just can't help but feel awful about the whole thing. That poor poor sweet baby.

aeh72 · October 2013

mrsmechanic1 said:

The man who raised the little boy just recently found out that it was AP's son and not his own. Trust me, if the mother had been out for money, she would have tested earlier.

I did not know there was another man who thought the child was his until recently. Although I already was not judging AP, this adds another element entirely to the situation. What should AP have done - come in to the situation and start taking on the "father" role and end up pushing the man who raised his child to the side? That would be a big a-hole move and people would judge him for that too. No, I think he handled this situation as best as anyone could - trying to stay in the background and finding a way that he could grieve that would comfort him personally and that would not turn this horrible tragedy into a three ring circus. I'm sure we will never know exactly what AP has said or done for the mother and family of this child, and we aren't entitled to know.

RondackHiker · October 2013

@Mommymegan831

People have already said why it's so shitty to judge him. Several times. And why your comment that his only involvement was sending a check was premature and inaccurate and again, wrong.

Stop it. We all get it. You grieve perfectly and would handle the death of a child in a perfect manner. You're just so awesome that you know you'd do it right and so you feel you have the right to judge someone GRIEVING FOR A CHILD.

A child is dead. And your concern is that he didn't go to the hospital quickly enough (for you, despite the real challenges some have listed) and that he left the hospital (despite the challenges many have listed that make that choice reasonable).

It is very, very wrong to judge how someone reacts to grief. The fact that you need us to tell you WHY it is wrong disgusts me.

Since you apparently didn't read my earlier thread let me sum it up for you. You do not know what he is or was thinking or feeling. You do not know why he did the things he did. You do not know if he was motivated by grief or confusion or selfishness or to try and ease someone else's grief.

To pass judgment on what he did or does is disgusting. You don't get to be "holier than thou" about a grieving person.

And, for the record, I don't presume to judge a parent who misses a concert or recital either. For all I know they had to work or had a shit day or were sick or had car trouble. But the fact that you can't see the difference between judging a parent for that (which is still my okay) and judging a parent who lost a child disgusts me.

mommymegan831 · October 2013

RondackHiker said:

@Mommymegan831 People have already said why it's so shitty to judge him. Several times. And why your comment that his only involvement was sending a check was premature and inaccurate and again, wrong. Stop it. We all get it. You grieve perfectly and would handle the death of a child in a perfect manner. You're just so awesome that you know you'd do it right and so you feel you have the right to judge someone GRIEVING FOR A CHILD. A child is dead. And your concern is that he didn't go to the hospital quickly enough (for you, despite the real challenges some have listed) and that he left the hospital (despite the challenges many have listed that make that choice reasonable). It is very, very wrong to judge how someone reacts to grief. The fact that you need us to tell you WHY it is wrong disgusts me. Since you apparently didn't read my earlier thread let me sum it up for you. You do not know what he is or was thinking or feeling. You do not know why he did the things he did. You do not know if he was motivated by grief or confusion or selfishness or to try and ease someone else's grief. To pass judgment on what he did or does is disgusting. You don't get to be "holier than thou" about a grieving person. And, for the record, I don't presume to judge a parent who misses a concert or recital either. For all I know they had to work or had a shit day or were sick or had car trouble. But the fact that you can't see the difference between judging a parent for that (which is still my okay) and judging a parent who lost a child disgusts me.

I've read all the threads and I really don't know why this is going on so long. I'd like to delete it, but then I know I'll be judged. What is it that makesI must have missed your earlier thread because I didn't agree with you? I'm not going to agree that it is ok to not be there for your child when they are dyeing. As I said in my OP, I assumed he didn't have a relationship with the child. It turns out that was the case. The fact that you think it's ok not to be there for your child on their death bed I find pretty repulsive. I get that we all handle situations differently, but I thought being there for your child, no matter what the situation, was a priority in parenting. Again, I from what people are writing here, apparently he didn't know about the child so of course I don't expect him to be there.

RondackHiker · October 2013

Nicb13 said:

mommymegan831 said:

RondackHiker said:

@Mommymegan831

People have already said why it's so shitty to judge him. Several times. And why your comment that his only involvement was sending a check was premature and inaccurate and again, wrong.

Stop it. We all get it. You grieve perfectly and would handle the death of a child in a perfect manner. You're just so awesome that you know you'd do it right and so you feel you have the right to judge someone GRIEVING FOR A CHILD.

A child is dead. And your concern is that he didn't go to the hospital quickly enough (for you, despite the real challenges some have listed) and that he left the hospital (despite the challenges many have listed that make that choice reasonable).

It is very, very wrong to judge how someone reacts to grief. The fact that you need us to tell you WHY it is wrong disgusts me.

Since you apparently didn't read my earlier thread let me sum it up for you. You do not know what he is or was thinking or feeling. You do not know why he did the things he did. You do not know if he was motivated by grief or confusion or selfishness or to try and ease someone else's grief.

To pass judgment on what he did or does is disgusting. You don't get to be "holier than thou" about a grieving person.

And, for the record, I don't presume to judge a parent who misses a concert or recital either. For all I know they had to work or had a shit day or were sick or had car trouble. But the fact that you can't see the difference between judging a parent for that (which is still my okay) and judging a parent who lost a child disgusts me.

I've read all the threads and I really don't know why this is going on so long. I'd like to delete it, but then I know I'll be judged. What is it that makesI must have missed your earlier thread because I didn't agree with you? I'm not going to agree that it is ok to not be there for your child when they are dyeing. As I said in my OP, I assumed he didn't have a relationship with the child. It turns out that was the case. The fact that you think it's ok not to be there for your child on their death bed I find pretty repulsive. I get that we all handle situations differently, but I thought being there for your child, no matter what the situation, was a priority in parenting. Again, I from what people are writing here, apparently he didn't know about the child so of course I don't expect him to be there.

Lady, drop it. You just sound worse
and worse with each post.

She's freaking horrible.

mommymegan831 · October 2013

RondackHiker said:

mommymegan831 said:

RondackHiker said:

@Mommymegan831 People have already said why it's so shitty to judge him. Several times. And why your comment that his only involvement was sending a check was premature and inaccurate and again, wrong. Stop it. We all get it. You grieve perfectly and would handle the death of a child in a perfect manner. You're just so awesome that you know you'd do it right and so you feel you have the right to judge someone GRIEVING FOR A CHILD. A child is dead. And your concern is that he didn't go to the hospital quickly enough (for you, despite the real challenges some have listed) and that he left the hospital (despite the challenges many have listed that make that choice reasonable). It is very, very wrong to judge how someone reacts to grief. The fact that you need us to tell you WHY it is wrong disgusts me. Since you apparently didn't read my earlier thread let me sum it up for you. You do not know what he is or was thinking or feeling. You do not know why he did the things he did. You do not know if he was motivated by grief or confusion or selfishness or to try and ease someone else's grief. To pass judgment on what he did or does is disgusting. You don't get to be "holier than thou" about a grieving person. And, for the record, I don't presume to judge a parent who misses a concert or recital either. For all I know they had to work or had a shit day or were sick or had car trouble. But the fact that you can't see the difference between judging a parent for that (which is still my okay) and judging a parent who lost a child disgusts me.

I've read all the threads and I really don't know why this is going on so long. I'd like to delete it, but then I know I'll be judged. What is it that makesI must have missed your earlier thread because I didn't agree with you? I'm not going to agree that it is ok to not be there for your child when they are dyeing. As I said in my OP, I assumed he didn't have a relationship with the child. It turns out that was the case. The fact that you think it's ok not to be there for your child on their death bed I find pretty repulsive. I get that we all handle situations differently, but I thought being there for your child, no matter what the situation, was a priority in parenting. Again, I from what people are writing here, apparently he didn't know about the child so of course I don't expect him to be there.

Lady, drop it. You just sound worse and worse with each post.
She's freaking horrible.

I'm not too impressed with many of your responses either. It amazes me how some of you can justify being so nasty and judgmental of my by reading about half of what I've even written without ever making a point yourself.

Want a personalized experience?

dealing with death of a child (Adrian Peterson)

Re: dealing with death of a child (Adrian Peterson)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards