First "Faith Friday"!

schulme2 · October 2013

Ok, ladies:

Since this is something we all seem to be working through right now... Let's work through it together. This is the place to share whatever you need to to help you through this journey.
What's new in your walk through faith? What are you struggling with? Any new revelations recently?

schulme2 · October 2013

For me right now my struggle seems to be in who God is and what He does. I always believed that He did everything; all things happen because he told them to happen. So my question is, really?! THIS is what you wanted? If someone loves me so much, how could they put me through so much pain? I really haven't talked about this with anyone. Those are the questions that keep replaying in my mind. When I think I get to a better place of acceptance, that creeps back in.

BrittianyM · October 2013

I feel like maybe I am being punished for something. When I see people having two or more kids, I think to myself, "what did I do so wrong or what did I not do that I can't even keep my only child?". I know I didn't do anything wrong, I just don't understand. It makes me mad at God sometimes.

angelsnight · October 2013

Ticker warning

I can relate to what both PPs said above. I never really believed that God made bad things happen, such as our babies dying...maybe it was the work of Satan, or maybe just because things just happen, good and bad. We would never appreciate the good things in life, without the bad. Life would have no meaning and importance if it wasn't fragile and didn't have an expiration date.

But this has seriously made me question, does God make good things happen? Does he perform miracles? Is that why this baby born at 22 weeks survived, but mine did not? If so, why does he perform certain miracles, but not others? Did God give us our child? If so, why would He give her to us, only to take her away before she could even really live? Are we being punished? If so, what did we do so bad to warrant this kind of pain, especially when others who are truly bad go unpunished, and are given babies to abuse and hurt?

Which leads to my even bigger question. If God doesn't make bad things happen, and He doesn't make good things happen, what does He do? God works is mysterious ways is not a good enough answer for me, and when people suggest that maybe He took Kayla to spare her some suffering down the road, it doesn't make sense to me either. Plenty of people suffer in their lives and they live to face it.

I still believe in God, and I still believe He serves a purpose, but this has shaken my faith and I don't know what that purpose is. I admit I don't feel as much of a spiritual connection as I did before my loss. I am not mad at him per se, but I have so many questions and my feelings toward faith and God have changed because I am so confused. I find myself feeling more support and comfort from the thoughts of my mom and grandparents and daughter in Heaven, than I do God right now.

neptunebljc · October 2013

@angelsnight I agree with the shakeyness in faith. I don't want to question why it had to be me, but at the same point, its hard to shake that thought away.

@brittianym I try to avoid this train of thought at all times. There is nothing harder then blaming yourself or trying to find ways to blame yourself for this.

For me personally, I am struggle with where I am in my journey. How does this fit into my plan? and How do I move on from here?

MrsZ816 · October 2013

Sorry in advance for formatting/grammatical errors... Bumping from my ipad! When I'm struggling I think back to some really touching words our pastor said to us when he came to the hospital after our daughter was born. He said that he couldn't tell us everything happens for a reason or that this was god's plan but that God would be there crying and walking along side of us. I am very active in our church and it is the same church I have been going to my whole life so I have a great support system there. I had a hard time and was very angry with god right on and off during the almost three year battle with infertility to get pregnant and after our loss but have been better. I feel strongly that my husband and I are called to be parents but am starting to think I'm not listening to god's plan on how that will happen for us as we approach our 3rd ivf cycle and are considering adoption. A song that I'm currently loving and find inspirational in rough moments is over comer by mandeesa. Some of you may want to check it out

Dixon813 · October 2013

One of the first things our pastor told us when she was with us in the hospital was "God, too, knows what it feels like to lose a child." .... WOW! It took days, weeks for the power if that statement to set in. Not only did God's son die, but God sent him to Earth knowing he would die.

Now, not gonna lie, this doesn't always make me feel better, but it does help with perspective sometimes, I guess.

I've shared that I'm a musician and I've really struggled with "finding my voice" I just haven't wanted to sing. But last Friday at a contemporary Christian concert (MIKESCHAIR, Josh Wilson and Plumb) Josh Wilson sang this song and the chorus says "would you dare to believe that you still have a reason to sing.." All about the pain you're going through is just dark before the morning.

It was an awesome moment - I felt like he was singing right to me!

schulme2 · October 2013

Dixon- I love that song. I'm glad it struck you right when/where it needed to. And what an awesome concert!

TwinkleTor · October 2013

My struggle is... Why does "He" give good things to bad people and take away from the good people.

My mom works in a woman's clinic, and she has 11-14 year old patients. Now why does a baby deserve a baby? They can't take care of one properly. Or how about the drug addict that got pregnant because she had sex for drugs? Or the woman that cheated on her husband and now doesn't know which one the father is? How do they deserve such a blessing. When I'm a good person. Age appropriate, financially stable, not on any drugs, a faithful spouse. Come on! Don't I deserve a blessing. Instead I get the one thing I want more than anything in this life taken away from me faster then it took me to receive it.

schulme2 · October 2013

I don't know of anyone else has used this, but there is a website called "grief share" and you can sign up for daily emails that include a daily blurb about grief as well as a daily prayer. This was the email I got today...

"To lose a child of any age—from an infant to an adult child—is one of the greatest shocks a parent can experience. The death of a child is tragic and feels entirely wrong.

“It’s so out of sequence and just so unnatural when your child, whom you protected all your life, dies. Is there something you could have done to have spared this?” says Pastor Buck Buchanan.

This grief can be very deep. As Matthew 2:18 says, “A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more.”

God knows your sorrow, and no matter how dark or painful your situation, Jesus can bring you hope. Sometimes, though, you feel like rejecting that hope and embracing your despair, as if hopefulness is somehow a betrayal to your child. Do not let Satan manipulate your thoughts in that way. Seek God and allow Him to light your path.

Lord and Savior, You are the only one who knows my sorrow. My body is enveloped in pain and wracked by grief, but I know there is hope because of You. Help me to live out that hope. Amen."

neptunebljc · October 2013

@schulme2 thank you for sharing that. I think I will sign up for those emails.

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