Is my kid too spoiled?

Meery82 · October 2013

My son will be 16 months on Friday. He stil doesn't walk. He cruises effortlessly and will barely hold on to something, but will not walk or even stand. I've seen him stand on his own once, for a few seconds, and I'm not sure he even realized he was doing it. I know he's a spoiled kid. He's an only child (for now) and he's the only grandchild on both sides. He gets treated like a king by his grandparents. DH and are are probably guilty as well. It's hard to figure out the difference between taking good care of your child and spoiling, especially at the age. Some people have mentioned they think he might not be walking because he's so spoiled. He will crawl up to us and put his hands up to be picked up. He almost always gets picked up. On the rare occasion that he isn't, he throws a fit. I know this is pretty normal behavior for a toddler, but my question is: do you agree that him being picked up and wanting for nothing may be contributing to the fact that he's not walking? Some people just think he's a late walker and will walk when he's ready. Our pedi hasn't been concerned, but she did mention that she wants to know if he's not walking by 16 months. We have an appointment for an ear check up this Thursday. Please give me your honest answers! Thank you!

traveltheworld · October 2013

Will he walk if you hold on to his hands? DS did that for WEEKS (killed our backs) but would not take a single step by himself. I think the only reason he eventually did was because he got transitioned into the bigger infant room at DC and everyone else was walking independently. FWIW, 16 months is not that late. Several of my friends' kids are 16 months and are not walking yet.

allardr · October 2013

I don't think "spoiling" is the issue. My LO is also only child and only grandchild, but was an early walker. I think just work on it with LO, help LO stand (maybe help use a walker)...maybe even before picking LO up hold LO's hands so he stands for a few seconds before getting up. You say he's picked up a lot so that's a lot of practice and you can even extend the time each time. Like at first maybe 15sec then pick up, shortly after 30sec then pick up, etc. GL

acbfreire · October 2013

DD just started, as you know. She is a very cautious child. She started standing up on her own more than a month ago but took a while to take a step.
Just give your son plenty of floor time and he will go when he is ready. You are not spoiling him. Let him get to the things he wants instead of handing them to him. Humans are wired to walk and he will soon

Some people were calling DD "lazy" and I told them that crawling is actually more work than walking. Just follow your instincts.

fanofanne · October 2013

dh and I were concerned about this issue too before our twins could walk. we were told by our pedi that it wasn't really a spoiling issue, but that whatever we could do to encourage walking would help...for example, if they wanted to be held, to back up and have them try to walk to us before we held them. for the longest time dd was cruising and only walked while holding our hands and then literally, no exaggeration, one day at the mall we took her out of the stroller, I prepared to hold her hand, and she took off by herself. like pp have said, your lo will walk when he's ready

Meery82 · October 2013

traveltheworld said:

Will he walk if you hold on to his hands? DS did that for WEEKS (killed our backs) but would not take a single step by himself. I think the only reason he eventually did was because he got transitioned into the bigger infant room at DC and everyone else was walking independently. FWIW, 16 months is not that late. Several of my friends' kids are 16 months and are not walking yet.

Yes, but on his tip toes. And he will only take about 6 steps or so before the little shit pulls his legs up and smiles. LOL. He recently moved to a bigger infant room at DC also, and I was hoping it would help, but so far, not yet.

Meery82 · October 2013

theresat858 said:

Nicb13 said:

I think you should be more focused on getting him to stand, and then walk on his own instead of worrying about spoiling him because I don't think they are related. I think he wants to be picked up a lot BECAUSE he can't walk yet. I know there's a huge range of normal but I was worried up until DS finally started walking at 14 months. I thought that was "late" for walking.
IMHO, I don't think you are "spoiling" him by picking him up. In fact, I think it's really hard to spoil kids this young. Some might not agree with that but I refuse to stop doing things like rocking my son before bed, carrying him, etc because others might think it will spoil him.

Pretty much this. I don't think you can spoil him by picking him up. But maybe try to encourage steps with you holding his hands?

Ok, I thought the was still a bit young to really be spoiled yet and that there wasn't a correlation between that and not walking, but I couldn't help second guessing myself. I do sometimes try to walk him while holding his hands, but he usually pulls his legs up pretty quick. I should probably attempt it more often.

Meery82 · October 2013

acbfreire said:

DD just started, as you know. She is a very cautious child. She started standing up on her own more than a month ago but took a while to take a step.
Just give your son plenty of floor time and he will go when he is ready. You are not spoiling him. Let him get to the things he wants instead of handing them to him. Humans are wired to walk and he will soon
Some people were calling DD "lazy" and I told them that crawling is actually more work than walking. Just follow your instincts.

That's what I thought: They all walk eventually. And crawling is definitely more work! I watch him speed crawl across a room and think "it would be so much easier on you (and you're poor knees!)if you would just stand up!"

khill86 · October 2013

DS walked early and his one grandma carries him all.the.time. I had him on the floor at all times at home, unless he wanted picked, then I picked him up!

We would play a little game where we'd let him have a cell phone, remote, whatever is interesting, then grab it and put it on the couch. He reach for it (standing against the couch, and move it to the coffee table (only one step away) and eventually he'd take a step or two. It just kind of grew from there.

The first time DS just stood up and walked was outside in the grass because he didn't like the feeling of the grass on his legs. He would crawl on his hands and feet, bum in the air. It was too much so one day he just up and walked!

Your LO will do it when he's ready and confident enough to go! I don't think he's spoiled

Helenahhandbasket · October 2013

I mostly lurk here, but wanted to chime in.

Was your DS on the later end of his other milestones? I am asking because DD was a late walker (not one independant step until 15 mo, almost 16 mo before she really got the hang of it). She was also on the late end of normal for all of her other milestones (sitting up unassisted, pulling up, standing etc).

I know it's frustrating, but if your ped isn't concerned, try not to be.

Meery82 · October 2013

Helenahhandbasket said:

I mostly lurk here, but wanted to chime in.
Was your DS on the later end of his other milestones? I am asking because DD was a late walker (not one independant step until 15 mo, almost 16 mo before she really got the hang of it). She was also on the late end of normal for all of her other milestones (sitting up unassisted, pulling up, standing etc).
I know it's frustrating, but if your ped isn't concerned, try not to be.

He sat up on his own at 6 months and crawled at about 8 months, which is a little late, if I remember correctly. But he was standing with assistance when he was very young, maybe a month or two.

Meery82 · October 2013

Nicb13 said:

janniep said:

dh and I were concerned about this issue too before our twins could walk. we were told by our pedi that it wasn't really a spoiling issue, but that whatever we could do to encourage walking would help...for example, if they wanted to be held, to back up and have them try to walk to us before we held them. for the longest time dd was cruising and only walked while holding our hands and then literally, no exaggeration, one day at the mall we took her out of the stroller, I prepared to hold her hand, and she took off by herself. like pp have said, your lo will walk when he's ready

I did this a lot with DS when he was learning to walk.
OP, does your LO play with any push toys? DS had a push toy that played music and a shopping cart. He could run through the house with them but wouldn't take any steps on his own. I would put them just a few inches out of his reach to encourage him to take independent steps towards it and I think that helped.

Yes, the has several push toys he pushes with ease. In the past, when I've moved things out of his reach, he just crawls to them. But I will try this again.

cedenton · October 2013

My kid is pretty "spoiled" and I always pick him up when he asks. He started walking just before he turned 1. Every kids is different. I wouldn't worry about it.

Meery82 · October 2013

Well, we went to the Dr today. She said she wouldn't really start to worry until he's 18 months and not walking, but she did see how he stands on his tippy toes and suggested a physical therapy eval. My brother is a PTA, so he's going to come over tonight to work with him. DH had to wear braces as a toddler because he needed his Achilles' tendon stretched. He was actually unable to stand flat footed, unlike Jack. Somehow, this didn't prevent DH from learning to walk though. He just did it on his toes! I'm wondering if it's related to Jack's issues though. So hopefully my brother can make some progress with him! Thanks everyone!

slukd79 · October 2013

I am an early intervention physical therapist and I would have less concerns about when your little one is walking and more concerns regarding being on his toes. This is a red flag for possible issues-- it could also mean that he is just weak in his core and is trying to stabilize himself by going up on his toes.

Its hard to say without seeing him but I think you are doing the right thing by having a PT look at him versus the pediatrician. Good luck! (And I don't think you are spoiling, but I would continue to encourage more independent standing. It is the basis for walking. Many parents push walking before kids are ready!)

Meery82 · October 2013

slukd79 said:

I am an early intervention physical therapist and I would have less concerns about when your little one is walking and more concerns regarding being on his toes. This is a red flag for possible issues-- it could also mean that he is just weak in his core and is trying to stabilize himself by going up on his toes.

Its hard to say without seeing him but I think you are doing the right thing by having a PT look at him versus the pediatrician. Good luck! (And I don't think you are spoiling, but I would continue to encourage more independent standing. It is the basis for walking. Many parents push walking before kids are ready!)

I know he is able to stand (assisted) flat footed, but usually does so on his toes. Does that make a difference? And when we hold his hands and take steps, it's always on the toes. Also, do you think theres a correlation between DH's issues and DS's?

cedenton · October 2013

@Meery82

I think it's great that your brother is a PTA and able to do some work with him at home. But, I also think you should have him seen by an actual PT. I imagine your doctor will want to reference actual notes/records as time goes on.

Also, where did you get the sweater that Jack is wearing in your siggy!? I love it.

skibunny59 · October 2013

Meery82 said:

Helenahhandbasket said:

I mostly lurk here, but wanted to chime in.
Was your DS on the later end of his other milestones? I am asking because DD was a late walker (not one independant step until 15 mo, almost 16 mo before she really got the hang of it). She was also on the late end of normal for all of her other milestones (sitting up unassisted, pulling up, standing etc).
I know it's frustrating, but if your ped isn't concerned, try not to be.

He sat up on his own at 6 months and crawled at about 8 months, which is a little late, if I remember correctly. But he was standing with assistance when he was very young, maybe a month or two.

I disagree that that's late for sitting and crawling. My DD was just like yours for sitting and crawling but she started walking at 12 months.

I know it's hard not to worry but he will walk when he's ready. My friend's little boy didn't start walking until he was almost 2. He is now a normal, healthy 4 year old. I also wouldn't be worried about spoiling him by picking him up. You can't spoil them at this age. Do you have a good quality carrier? It'll give your arms a break.

acbfreire · October 2013

DD sat at 6 months, but just crawled at 10 months (she was rocking on all 4s since 8 months) and started walking at 15 months. She was always a bit behind on gross motor skills, but advanced in other areas.
Good thing your brother will check his tendons, it is possible that he inherited the short tendons from your DH, My niece walked and ran on her tippy toes - really fast! She just liked it. Now she is a ballerina. Maybe Jack has a future in dancing

?

vrj0522 · October 2013

I agree with PP to try to give him more opportunity for walking. My nephew was 16 mos old and would not walk. My parents came to visit for a week and brought a moonwalker with them. They spent some time everyday walking him and by the end of the week he was walking completely unassisted. All he needed was the attention and practice. I'm not saying that's the answer for every kid, but sometimes all they need is the additional practice.

Also, it's good that your brother is evaluating him to rule out any physical issues.

Meery82 · October 2013

Thanks everyone. I kind of phrased that wrong, I didn't think 6 months was late to sit, but I thought 8 months crawling was a little late. I never thought it was a big deal because our pedi didn't, but people would keep asking if he was crawling yet, so I started to wonder.

My brother worked with him for a bit last night. He said he doesn't think his Achilles are tight at all, but he did do some range of motion with him and practiced getting him standing. We got him standing unassisted for at least 5 seconds. He was just happy that we kept clapping for him!

@cedenton: thanks for the advice. I will let the pedi know what he said and she if she still thinks he would benefit from a pediatric PT. His sweater is from Mini Boden. It comes in navy, tan, light blue, and light pink. It's so cute, but totally pilled up when I washed it. It would need to be hand washed I guess, which isn't the most practical. But I love it!

Meery82 · October 2013

vrj0522 said:

I agree with PP to try to give him more opportunity for walking. My nephew was 16 mos old and would not walk. My parents came to visit for a week and brought a moonwalker with them. They spent some time everyday walking him and by the end of the week he was walking completely unassisted. All he needed was the attention and practice. I'm not saying that's the answer for every kid, but sometimes all they need is the additional practice.
Also, it's good that your brother is evaluating him to rule out any physical issues.

After learning that his Achilles are fine, I think you're right, this is exactly what he needs and he just hasn't been ready yet. Thanks!

emberlee3 · October 2013

Some kids are just stubborn. Or very cautious. DS waited until nearly 17 months to walk. He was completely capable of walking, he was just too afraid of falling. He just had to get his confidence up.

Regarding the spoiling and picking up, I don't think you can spoil such a young child. DD has been walking since 10 months, and she constantly wants me to pick her up because she loves to be with mama. I oblige as much as possible

sunnybrook. · October 2013

Kids walk when they're ready. I have twins...they were given the same opportunities and encouragement to walk. One walked at 11 months and one at 16 months. When my 3rd child was born, everyone said he would walk sooner to keep up with his sisters. He walked at 17 months. He was talking in sentences but had zero interest in walking. Both of my late walkers are more cautious. They walked when they were interested and when they had confidence. As long as you're not keeping him in a bouncer, crib or high chair all day, you're doing fine.

jasrun80 · October 2013

My daughter could walk at 13 months but didn't want to. I held her tons & suddenly she's using her walking everywhere. I think it's just up to them & once they decide to they have a blast with it. Warning: my daughter was crabby for a couple weeks and my mom thinks its because she was getting amped up to walk even though it seemed like typical drama to me, now that she's walking, he super crabs are gone. It was actually funny but I don't miss it.

Netty_3 · October 2013

I don't think you can spoil a child with love.

Meery82 · October 2013

I don't think you can spoil a child with love.

Good! My instincts told me that was true. I guess I just needed to have it validated.

Meery82 · October 2013

He is a very cautious kid. He doesn't get hurt very often. And he has been pretty cranky the past week or so, so maybe that means he's getting close!

rmrm · October 2013

i haven't read all the comments but here's my .02

i wouldn't worry about spoiling him from a not being able to walk perspective. it's different for every child. My older son didn't walk until he was 15 months.

BUT, i also have had experience with my older one not wanting to walk. This came later around 2 years old. I think a lot of it is personality based. He's very sensitive and clingy. He also became a big brother at 20 months and being carried has always been his security blanket. I would make sure you are carrying him on your terms not his. I.E. not picking him up when he's crying.

He'll walk when he's ready, i think you just have to think more longterm about whether you think it will be a different type of issue in the fugure. good luck!

Meery82 · October 2013

He's been starting to stand on his own a little bit, so I think we are making some progress!

sunnyday016 · October 2013

Nicb13 said:

skibunny59 said:

Meery82 said:

Helenahhandbasket said:

I mostly lurk here, but wanted to chime in.
Was your DS on the later end of his other milestones? I am asking because DD was a late walker (not one independant step until 15 mo, almost 16 mo before she really got the hang of it). She was also on the late end of normal for all of her other milestones (sitting up unassisted, pulling up, standing etc).
I know it's frustrating, but if your ped isn't concerned, try not to be.

He sat up on his own at 6 months and crawled at about 8 months, which is a little late, if I remember correctly. But he was standing with assistance when he was very young, maybe a month or two.

I disagree that that's late for sitting and crawling. My DD was just like yours for sitting and crawling but she started walking at 12 months.
I know it's hard not to worry but he will walk when he's ready. My friend's little boy didn't start walking until he was almost 2. He is now a normal, healthy 4 year old. I also wouldn't be worried about spoiling him by picking him up. You can't spoil them at this age. Do you have a good quality carrier? It'll give your arms a break.

Not to keep going on and on but DS didn't crawl until 9 months and he didn't walk until 14 months. My friend's kid is walking at 8 months! It's crazy how different kids can be.

Both of my two were sitting up around 6m and crawling around 8-9, and DD walked at 16m and DS walked at 11.5m. There is a huge range of normal!

OP, I don't think the eval would hurt, but I think it would probably be focused more on the toe walking than it would on the "late" walking.

DiveFrog · October 2013

Meery82 said:

theresat858 said:

Nicb13 said:

I think you should be more focused on getting him to stand, and then walk on his own instead of worrying about spoiling him because I don't think they are related. I think he wants to be picked up a lot BECAUSE he can't walk yet. I know there's a huge range of normal but I was worried up until DS finally started walking at 14 months. I thought that was "late" for walking.
IMHO, I don't think you are "spoiling" him by picking him up. In fact, I think it's really hard to spoil kids this young. Some might not agree with that but I refuse to stop doing things like rocking my son before bed, carrying him, etc because others might think it will spoil him.

Pretty much this. I don't think you can spoil him by picking him up. But maybe try to encourage steps with you holding his hands?

Ok, I thought the was still a bit young to really be spoiled yet and that there wasn't a correlation between that and not walking, but I couldn't help second guessing myself. I do sometimes try to walk him while holding his hands, but he usually pulls his legs up pretty quick. I should probably attempt it more often.

Since you know he CAN stand, try offering only one hand for support. He won't be able to stop and pull his feet up.

DD is so small and DH is 6'3" it was killing his back to bend over and have DD use both hands, he started to offer just one hand and she did great with that...walked that way for 2 months before she got enough confidence to take off on her own.

For what it is worth, the average age kids start walking on their own is 14months. I think most people think kids should be walking at a year, but really that is early.

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