rough couple of days

Nukke · October 2013

I'm just throwing myself a bit of a pity party tonight. I went for a post-natal appointment with my midwife yesterday to have Auli and I checked out (we still have weekly appointments). Auli is just shy of 8 lbs now (yay!) and my midwife and I had a good cry about her breastfeeding progress. She's using the shield pretty well now, I just need to really work on her latch and slowly ween her from the shield to the breast. I'm seriously so proud of her, despite the fact that her terrible latch is very often extremely painful.

With all the good news about Auli, I'm feeling pretty bad about myself still. I'm still bleeding. I told my midwife this and she said it could be my period, but I told her I didn't think so. I told her I thought I'd maybe retore something down there. I'd had a minor tear at Auli's birth, and things seemed to have been healing well, but lately I've not felt quite right, and my bleeding started up again--red. My midwife decided to check me out and she was surprised to report that none of my stitches have dissolved. And worse, they'd rubbed and irritated the area raw. None of them have even tried to dissolve. She said it was a bit unusual, and she consulted another midwife too, who came in to take a look. They said that it happens sometimes that the stitches don't dissolve, and the theory is that post-partum our bodies PH changes and doesn't properly dissolve them. But it looks like my tissues have mostly healed (aside from the irritation from the stitches) so she offered to pull them out manually. I had sweet Auli on my chest for this, and although it didn't hurt, it really got me down for some reason. I guess I've been so exhausted with this breastfeeding thing, I didn't want any other distractions (including dealing with my healing body at nearly 4 weeks). I just need a break and a good cry or something.

Now I'm sore and bleeding today even worse, and I still have two stitches she couldn't get out because they hurt. She's going to check them out in a week to see if my body is rejecting them. I'm so impatient. I want to go on long walks with Auli in the crisp fall air, and sit on a park bench and breast feed her like a champ. Instead I'm in my cramped and messy apartment with dirty dishes, too sore and bloody to move, and Auli is terrorizing my nipples.

waaaawaaaah waaah <--- that's me

Kristonita12 · October 2013

Hang in there! You will get through this and have already overcome the obstacle of carrying and birthing a healthy baby. You're already working wonders! I'm sorry you're going through rough times, though. Sending positive thoughts your way!

Bamgal25 · October 2013

Its ok to throw yourself a pity party. Sometimes a good cry really helps. I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I was having a rough time last week so I understand. And your body not healing well is frustrating for sure. I am still having pain when using the bathroom which is probably normal, but still frustrating. I think as time passes things will get better. At least you are making progress with breastfeeding, so that's good! Hang in there!

ravenclaw1 · October 2013

Aw, I'm really sorry to hear all this. It sounds really awful, and I hope it changes for you quickly.

princessvespa1 · October 2013

I'm so sorry you are dealing with all if this. Hang in there!

SweetPeaK26 · October 2013

With dd 1 my stitches still had not dissolved by my 6wk check up. My OB left them to go on their own, and they did I guess, but I did feel them sting and be sore till about 2 months pp.

I hope you feel better!