Would this make me a shitastic mom?

BPer · October 2013

Hannah started p/t daycare on Monday. She'll go Mondays & Thursdays (which happens to be the days where H works 12 hour days). Currently, I don't 'have' to be in the office any set hours, so half of my day is usually spent at home, cleaning, doing laundry, etc. And honestly, Monday was super hard, but today, I just feel refreshed, and I can tell my anxiety level is down, and it just generally feels great to get things done.

I was able to SAH for the entire first year of her life, but after talking with H over the last couple of weeks, I pretty much realized that I am unhappy/unfulfilled being the only one home with her 6 days a week.

I'm currently looking for something full-time, so I didn't want to pull her out of daycare, despite that I could probably rely on family to watch her during the little time I need to be in the office, for fear that if I do find something full-time, they wouldn't let me 'come back' so to speak, and I'd be screwed.

If I were to decide that what I'm doing p/t doesn't work for me, am I a total ass for still keeping her in daycare 2 days a week? It's partially because I hope to find something full-time, and partially for my sanity. Would you do it if you could?

This may be a P&R because I'm meeting a former colleague for lunch about an hour away (about a possible job opportunity! yay!) But, I promise I'll read all responses.

MomtobeNJ · October 2013

Of course not! She needs the socialization anyway. I really think it's good for babies to be around other kids their age, especially if they don't have siblings at home.

willy_gert · October 2013

I would leave her in daycare. You are looking for work, which is much easier done without a small child hanging on you. Plus, I think you know and we have all talked about previously, that there some great benefits for H too! So, do what you are doing, having a happy healthy mommy is good for just as good for you as it is for H and your DH too! Don't let anyone make you feel like that would make you a bad mom!

bosha711 · October 2013

I don't think there's anything wrong with your plan. If she's happy in the DC, there's no harm in her staying there. It's only 2 days. I'm sure she'll benefit from the socialization. GL with your job search.

BPer · October 2013

Phew. I wasn't sure if this was going to be flameful or not.

AlinnJo · October 2013

Keep her in daycare. If it makes you happier and healthier, it isn't flameful. Especially if you will be looking for another job or maybe going full time. If we had a nice daycare facility around here, I would send Quinn for a couple half days. We just don't have that option in our small town. Please know that I am jealous of your alone time at home! Enjoy your lunch and baby free time!!

AlinnJo · October 2013

SpoofLeJones said:

I have been considering putting DS in daycare one day a week just so I can stay home and have the house to myself. Being a SAHM is hard and it's nice to have the chance to actually MISS your kid sometimes. Having time away from my kid once in a while makes me a better mom. I think it's important to be able to recharge and feel like a human being again.

Yes, Yes, YES!! Well said.

Nita2603 · October 2013

If I could, I'd do it. In fact, we have been researching possibilities. Go for it.

IForgotMyLogIn · October 2013

DS goes to a church CDC part-time. I WFH and will be going full-time (still WFH) soon but would've put him in anyway for the socialization and curriculum. I'm a better Mom for it.

1fish2fish · October 2013

Seriously? If I SAH and had the means, I would DEFINITELY put Max in some kind of DC so that I could get stuff done or just decompress and have some alone time. I wouldn't feel the least bit guilty if I were you. Plus, your reasoning about ensuring a place for her in DC if you do pursue FT employment are pretty valid.

Pokedot · October 2013

Honestly I think it's great. My ideal would be p/t with B in "daycare" about 2 times a week. It be an opportunity to do things for yourself, your family and even DD. I think you can recharge your batteries and feel like a woman instead of just "mom." Also they get great interaction at daycare. Right now my mom watches DS full time but in the past couple of weeks with my grandma being sick they've had to take her to Mayo so my mom's next door neighbor who runs and in home daycare took him. He did awesome and you could tell he had a great time. He took 3 hour naps instead of 2 and almost didn't want to leave! He'll be going there 2 days a week when he gets older for more socialization with kids his age! Go for it mama and I'm jealous of a couple days a week at home by yourself! I can get SO much done when I'm home alone!

AlinnJo · October 2013

Also, being home, alone, is a dream. I long for it. My H took Quinn for 45 mins last Sunday out of the house and I thought I was in heaven.

bonjourbelle05 · October 2013

SpoofLeJones said:
I have been considering putting DS in daycare one day a week just so I can stay home and have the house to myself. Being a SAHM is hard and it's nice to have the chance to actually MISS your kid sometimes. Having time away from my kid once in a while makes me a better mom. I think it's important to be able to recharge and feel like a human being again.

All of this oh and if we could financially afford daycare!

Stasi · October 2013

Not at all! Taking care of yourself - what fulfills you and what keeps you sane makes you a great mom. We all have to find what that means for ourselves and for our family and it's not easy! It sounds like a great opportunity for you. If it makes you happy - go for it!!

AKB090609 · October 2013

You can afford it, do it. Nothing wrong with a little time to yourself.

BPer · October 2013

Thanks for all of the responses ladies, I feel a lot better about it after reading these. I literally feel like a different person these last couple days. H has been out of town, and Hannah has been sleeping like absolute shit, and I still feel better.

hmp1 · October 2013

Do it! There are a handful of kids at our daycare that have SAHMs. Some are older and in the preschool classes but some are in the toddler classes. Daycare is a great way to socialize and learn from peers. We can afford to have a nanny but I like the social aspect of daycare and I like being in my house by myself

I'm off on Monday for Columbus day and the kids are going to daycare so I can get my hair done! Woot, so excited.

Hyaline · October 2013

No, it does not. We're fiddling with our budget for me to be able to do this because I simply can't get enough work done at home with E. I know I'm going to feel some "OMG you don't have to put her in DC but you are, why?" SAHM pressure from friends and fam who don't get it, but fuck it. I know what I need to be a good mom, and satisfying my non-mom ambitions and doing non-mom work is important for me.

MommaP12 · October 2013

AlinnJo said:

SpoofLeJones said:

I have been considering putting DS in daycare one day a week just so I can stay home and have the house to myself. Being a SAHM is hard and it's nice to have the chance to actually MISS your kid sometimes. Having time away from my kid once in a while makes me a better mom. I think it's important to be able to recharge and feel like a human being again.

Yes, Yes, YES!! Well said.

Yes!! I mean, think about it, when you're a SAHM, they eventually go to school, so who cares if she goes to DC 2 days a week now even if you weren't job hunting/working. I'd totally do it if I could.

What are you looking for work wise? I know your DH/IL own the dealership so I'm just nosy.

<--- hoping to win the lottery is all this gal's got.

BPer · October 2013

MommaP12 said:

AlinnJo said:

SpoofLeJones said:

I have been considering putting DS in daycare one day a week just so I can stay home and have the house to myself. Being a SAHM is hard and it's nice to have the chance to actually MISS your kid sometimes. Having time away from my kid once in a while makes me a better mom. I think it's important to be able to recharge and feel like a human being again.

Yes, Yes, YES!! Well said.

Yes!! I mean, think about it, when you're a SAHM, they eventually go to school, so who cares if she goes to DC 2 days a week now even if you weren't job hunting/working. I'd totally do it if I could.

What are you looking for work wise? I know your DH/IL own the dealership so I'm just nosy.

<--- hoping to win the lottery is all this gal's got.

Well, I'm currently in Real Estate, but I just don't think it's for me. So I'm going to help a couple of our friends find houses, sell ours in the near future, and then probably let that be on the back burner. Ideally, I'd love to be in higher ed at my alma mater. My mom works for a research department there, and plans to retire in April, and the center head offered me her job when she goes. But, it'd be nice if I were able to get something on my own before then!

ETA If I were to work there, Hannah could go to their daycare & preschool for free, and spots in that daycare are extremely coveted. I put her on the waiting list when she was two weeks old, and they can't start going until the first September that they are 18 months old, so she'll technically be 2.

MrsKipper · October 2013

I'm sure this has already been said, but no. I wish I could justify a reason to put Nola in daycare at least one day out of the week. I can get stuff done when she's here but it kills my flow to constantly have to check on her/correct what she's doing wrong. It would make life a little easier to have a whole day to myself (DH works 6 days/week, too).

MommaP12 · October 2013

MrsKipper said:

I'm sure this has already been said, but no. I wish I could justify a reason to put Nola in daycare at least one day out of the week. I can get stuff done when she's here but it kills my flow to constantly have to check on her/correct what she's doing wrong. It would make life a little easier to have a whole day to myself (DH works 6 days/week, too).

@MrsKipper could you find nanny/in home DC that would maybe be willing to take her on just one day a week so you can get your stuff done?

LegallyBlonde217 · October 2013

Not at all! Or maybe I'm just a shitty mom too, which I'm fine with. I SAH and I've had a nanny 2 days a week since my twins were 5 months. I need some time to myself or I get major anxiety. Having the nanny has helped tremendously.

MrsKipper · October 2013

@mommap12 it probably would but it still wouldn't be justified. I just don't prioritize my time well and don't do all the chores I should when she's asleep or at my ILs for a few hours on Sundays.

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