Doula or not to doula

BShreeve · October 2013

A few of my friends who did natural births say a doula is a must. Thoughts??

Tigerlilym15 · October 2013

I think you should consider your place of birth and what kind of support you will have without a doula. If you are in a natural friendly place with a provider who believes in natural childbirth and you have a good support person (or people) than I don't think a doula is necessarily a must. If you aren't sure how natural friendly your place of birth or provider will be than I think a doula becomes much more valuable/useful.

I had DS in a natural friendly hospital with midwives. My midwives were awesome, my nurse was fantastic, my DH and mom were also there (my mom had 5 natural births). I didn't have a doula and I had a great birth experience. That being said I do think doulas have a lot to offer and they can be incredibly helpful whatever your situation.

KateLouise · October 2013

I agree that where you are birthing has a big impact.

I birthed in a natural birth friendly hospital with a MW. The only person I had with me was DH. I didn't need anyone else and never wished for more support.

Also I felt like an extra person would stress me out, and make me feel like I had to be polite or look after them. Lots of people will tell you that you won't care who's in the room when you're in labour, and I didn't care in terms of modesty, but when I'm stressed or in pain I go to a very polite controlled space. So another person to say please and thank you too, and make polite chit chat with, and feel like I can't just tell to stop whatever they're doing or to go away, wouldn't be that helpful to me.

Also some people feel like they're husbands may be unable to offer all the support they may require (maybe your DH faints at the sight of blood, has his own medical condition that requires care, is nervous about what he should do, or just would like the support of another pair of hands that will take the pressure off him to do it all and can give practical and emotional support on the day)

I also agree with pp that doulas have a lot to offer, and I love the idea of them, and can see how they could be really valuable in lots of different situations.

Also some provide after birth care/support so that's something else to consider too.

aylafsu88 · October 2013

Honestly, in my birth my doula was essential. I had an anterior placenta and my LO was likely OP. My contractions were sporadic and I had horrible back labor. My doula got me into positions to help turn LO and did lots of counter pressure. She was essential. There was also a time when my body started pushing but I was only 8.5 cm dilated. The nurse had me refrain from pushing as I was not complete. My doula was the one who helped me breathe correctly and fight the urge to push with contractions. It was pure hell not pushing. In my experience a doula was essentail as she was able to recognize emotional sign posts, had knowledge of laboring positions, where/when to apply counter pressure, and know exactly what I needed. IMO she was worth her weight in gold and I plan to use her again when we have #2.

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mb314 · October 2013

I agree with PPs. If you are in a natural-birth-friendly environment, you may not need a doula. I wanted a doula, but DH was against it. He had heard stories of doulas bossing around partners, and he was pretty against it. I know that's not usually the case, but I respected his wish and we didn't hire one.

We did Bradley training, so DH was fairly well-equipped as a coach. I also gave birth in a hospital with a midwife and labored in a tub and had natural-birth friendly nurses. I think the thing that helped the most, though, is that I had a relatively short labor (10 hours from the very first cramp until I had DS in my arms). If I had had a long labor, DH may have needed a break and a doula may have been key.

If we have a second, I don't plan on hiring a doula.

Toller · October 2013

Each doula has their own philosphy-so its important to ask those questions ahead of time. We are also unsure of hiring a doula (the hospital I'm delivering at 'claims' it will give you the birth experience that you want, but I'm not sure that this is a reality), however we decided to take a bradley class given by one- this way we can get to know her and her philosophies before making the final decision. I think we will end up going with her....

Nechie122 · October 2013

I liked having doula and would hire one again. My actual labor was really short so she didn't even get to "coach" me through contractions; I arrived at the birthing center ready to push.

However, I really enjoyed our prenatal visits. I had SO much anxiety leading up to delivery and it was good to have someone to talk to, someone who had done it before and "got" it. I had no one else like that in my life (other than this board, of course!)

My doula was also an active La Leche member and helped me work on my DD's latch right after birth and during our postpartum visit. So I felt like I got some "extras" too.

DH didn't think we needed her at the time I booked her, but I'm glad I hired her anyway. He would agree now that it was a good call.

ETA: If cost is an issue, you could look into hiring a doula still in training.

kcs7 · October 2013

I just posted my "natural as possible on hospital" birth story on the birth story board. It is long, sorry, but I couldn't have done what I did had it not been for my doula. And even after she has still been a rockstar to help. You dont have to read my story but it would explain more of why I advocate a doula!

best of luck!! Oh its titled cadens arrival I believe? I dont know how to link.

sschwege · October 2013

A 'must'? I guess I would have to vote 'no' considering I had both my babies med-free in the hospital without a doula and had a great experience. That being said, my hospital is extremely supportive of low intervention births (they don't even do saline-locks routinely). So there was that. Plus I always had DH and one other support person. The first time around it was my MIL who had both her babies med-free and the second time it was my mother who worked as a nurse in the hospital for many years and has no problem advocating for me, which she did have to do once.

So if I had been at a different hospital or had only had DH as a support person I would have hired a doula.

barista411 · October 2013

I think they are a great option. I however didn't use one. I have an awesome MW in a very natural friendly hospital. Also I don't like people around me when I am in pain. I just want to be left alone to deal with the pain on my own way. So for me I would have been annoyed to have someone constantly checking on me and in my face. That was just my personal experience.

mrsblueeyes · October 2013

For me a doula was a must. DH wasn't 100% on board with a natural birth in the beginning and though he's a fast learner, he wasn't the best labor and support person with babies 1&2. The doula kind of taught him what to do and say, especially during transition when she was whispering to him that I was so close and ready to meet the baby, I think without her there he would have been freaking out.

She was also very helpful to me prior to birth to talk through some of my fears about birth and tips for coping, etc. I highly recommend a doula, I couldn't have done it without her.

msjanet02 · October 2013

I definitely needed my doula! She was such a strong, calm, reassuring force for both me and DH. I wanted a natural birth in a hospital setting, and she was instrumental in achieving that. She was familiar with the hospital, knew when to ask if I wanted a hot shower and would get it going, knew where the squat bar was and installed it onto the bed, grabbed the vomit container right when I vomited, wiped my face with a cool wash cloth without my asking but I loved it, she and DH took turns applying counter pressure when I needed it (which was almost always)... It was a long labor. I think if it had been only me and DH, we wouldn't have felt as comfortable and we might have been swayed easily by hospital staff. Although, I must credit the hospital staff, they did a great job at reading my birth plan and honoring pretty much everything on it. It was just that extra bit of comfort that came with our doula and it was certainly worth it!

FreedomBaby · October 2013

Yes! Get a doula! I am a doula, and I even had a doula. (Just had a baby this past July.) If you want to learn more about doulas feel free to check out my site: That Retro Doula.

PBP2002 · October 2013

We didn't NEED a doula with our first, but even DH who wasn't so sure about hiring her the first time said she was a "must" for our second. We work with a "natural birth" friendly OB and hospital - but it's still not the nurses job to be by your side through the whole thing.

She wasn't ever controlling or "in my face" about anything. If anything, she helped coach DH on how to help me. And also, there were times she stepped in when DH was doing something else (like after DS was born - DH went with DS for his eval/whatever they did, which would have left me alone to get stitched up - thank goodness we had our Doula who stayed with me and held my hand/talked me through that part, too!)

Also, having someone I could go to during my pregnancy to bounce questions off of (often ABOUT the OB - so I couldn't ask the OB!) has some value beyond just having her in the delivery room with you.

ncbelle · October 2013

As others have said, I really think it depends on your situation and what you are comfortable with. I think doulas are great and have several doula friends. That said, I did not use a doula for either birth. I felt comfortable with the support my midwife would provide in labor and very confident in my DH's ability to both support me in labor and to advocate for me as needed (or help make decisions if decision making was needed). Honestly the biggest factor for me is that I'm very hands off and kinda just like to be left alone in labor

KateLouise · October 2013

@ncbelle I just noticed your ticker! Congratulations!! Hope you're keeping well

sschwege · October 2013

KateLouise said:

@ncbelle I just noticed your ticker! Congratulations!! Hope you're keeping well

Oh my gosh, I didn't even see that! Congratulations!

ncbelle · October 2013

Thanks mamas!!

Summer889 · October 2013

I'm delivering with midwives who strongly support natural birth, but they basically require all first time mothers to hire a doula. They really believe it improves outcomes and there is research to support that claim.

I was convinced to hire a doula for a few reasons:

1) They will come to your house and labor with you at home, help you decide when it's time to go to the hospital (I'm going to try and stay home for as long as possible), and help with the transfer to the hospital

2) We're doing the Bradley method, so DH will definitely be my primary support person. However, that's kind of a lot of pressure to put on a first time dad. I think having another person there to remind him what we're supposed to be doing, suggest alternate labor positions, comfort measures, remind me to pee and stay hydrated, etc. is going to be super helpful to both me and DH. Your midwife or OB probably won't be spending a lot of time with you until it's time to push.

3) If labor is super long, it will allow DH to take a nap or go get some food (I know this will be very important - poor guy is not at his best when he's tired or hungry!)

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