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February 2013 Moms
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Help! DD is terrified of FIL!

Puck1182Puck1182 member
edited October 2013 in February 2013 Moms
And it's having a negative effect in my ability to get stuff done.

DH is taking a class Wednesday nights and doesn't get home til about 10:30. A condition onhim taking the class was that his parents help me out Wednesday nights because I work 12 hours on Thursdays and needed backup should DD wake up after I put her down for the night.

This request was made pre-sleep training because at that point DD was waking every 30-45 minutes. By the time DH's class started, we'd sleep trained and DD was consistently sleeping anywhere from 5 to 9 hour stretches. But I still want her to spend time with DH's parents so I figured they may as well still come over and hang out with her before bedtime.

Now she screams whenever she sees FIL. SCREAMS. I can't put her down if he's in the room, muh less leave her in his car while I get stuff done around the house.

So on top of not getting stuff done early in the evening, it takes foreeeever to put her down on Wed nights because she's so worked up. Case in point: I've been trying to get her to go to sleep for an hour and a half, and no luck. The kid just won't settle.

I'd feel awful telling my in laws not to come over, but I've been a freaking zombie at work the past few Thursdays because I'm up late trying to get DD to bed, then making food, cleaning, doing laundry, etc. and by the time I get to bed I only get a few hours sleep before DD's MOTN feeding. I don't even get to shower because I don't have the opportunity the night before, and Thursday mornings I'm too exhausted to drag my ass out of bed early enough.

Most other nights are pretty decent, but these Wednesday nights are killing me. :-(


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Re: Help! DD is terrified of FIL!

  • tshores90tshores90 member
    Has your FIL done anything to scare the baby?  We had an uncle stop by to visit our baby and he bent down in baby's face and said "HELLOOOOO!" in a deep booming voice of his.  Baby screamed and was scared of most older men for a few weeks.  It's fine now.

    Can your MIL just come over instead?
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  • Puck1182Puck1182 member
    Well, FIL is a big guy and does tend to want to get right in her face, so I'm sure that's kind of intimidating for her. MIL often does come over but it's not until later, sometimes just minutes before DD's bedtime. I'm not really comfortable demanding that they show up earlier, and she still tends to cry for MIL anyway. I think it's because they always used to want to hold her as soon as they saw her, and DD kind of needs time to warm up to people she doesn't see all the time. I think it traumatized her and that's why she freaks out so badly with them.

    Honestly, it would be easier for me to not have them there at all, since DD is getting better at playing on her own when she's awake and under normal circumstances is out for most of the night by 8-8:30.

    At this point I just want her to spend more time with them so she isn't so darn scared of them, but that means that instead of their visits serving their original purpose of helping me out a bit, I feel compelled to spend the whole time reassuring DD so she won't be terrified of her own grandparents.

    The worst part is that I know it hurts their feelings that she doesn't seem to like them, because they are so, so enthusiastic about their grand babies. But I think it's that very same enthusiasm that sort of bit them in te butt. DD is more like DH and I, in that she can be very social and charming under the right circumstances, but she tends to be more reserved at first and wants to check out the situation from a bit of a distance and then jump in on her own terms. If you try to force her to engage with you, it causes her to withdraw more, which seems to e what happened with MIL and FIL. I'm just not sure how to explain that to them without hurting their feelings more. :-/


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  • Puck1182Puck1182 member
    @ByeByeBooze, good idea! I think I may suggest that, though it may be a little tricky finding a day. DH doesn't get home from til after DD's bedtime MWTh, and his parents tend to be off doing stuff a lot on the weekends, camping and such. But we could probably make Sunday dinners a thing. I'll have to discuss it with DH and see what he thinks :-)


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  • Karla CSKarla CS member
    Kiddo hates MIL and FIL. It makes for a VERY long afternoon whenever they come to visit. We haven't been able to figure out, but she gets furious whenever they hold her.
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