Traveling moms

CowgirlK39 · October 2013

Hi I lurked for a bit but figured I would ask this question (since I'm sitting in an airport right now). How many of you travel a lot for work? Let's say "a lot" is more than five trips a year that require at least one night in a hotel. My question is: how do you handle it? How does your family handle it? Has it caused any problems at home? By the end of this month I will have been on trips for work 8 times this year and my DH is getting upset about it. He knows I have to go but he is worried that when we do have a family this is going to be an issue. I also tend to get anxious while away and it sometimes spills into arguments with him. My boss requested I spend a week in another part of my territory later this month and DH told me I need to learn to say no. How the heck do I tell my boss no? In my mind, I can't. Does anyone have advice for traveling this much?

jf198400 · October 2013

I don't travel, but my SIL traveled a lot for awhile, and had a toddler at the time. They ended up hiring a PT evening nanny to pick their son up from DC somedays. My BIL was going to school PT, so they needed extra help with SIL being gone for a week at a time every month. I think you may need to look at getting some extra help, and also evaluate your long term career plans.

Virgo17 · October 2013

Is travel required as part of your position? If so, then you will either need to look for another position, or figure out a way to minimize the impact at home. If DH hates when you travel now, it is going to suck WAY more when you have kids. He won't just be bored at home alone, or whatever the issue is now. He will be handling drop off/pick up and the nighttime routine solo.

I don't really have any specific tips, but if this is the reality of your position then you and DH will just have to find a way to make it work without it causing an argument.

dimples128 · October 2013

New mom here. I would say you guys need to talk through the concerns you both have before making any decisions. Do it when you haven't been out of town so there isn't any anxiety about just getting back and what he is thinking.

I travel a lot for work (2-3 times per month out of town) and when I go back to work, it will be even more as my region is expanding. Before I accepted this position, DH and I had a long discussion on what things would probably be like after out son arrived and when I went back to work. It was a position I had wanted for some time and something that would get me to the next level in my career.

If you are concerned with the travel, look for another position. You can't necessarily say no to your boss in your current position but you can look to get everything you need done in less than a week in the different parts if your territory so you're not gone for the full week. You can position it as saving the company money on travel expenses and being more efficient with your time.

Hope that helps some. Good luck!

tarynh75 · October 2013

I travel every week for work. It's part of the job. We are planning for LO and the nanny to travel with me the first few months, while I am still bf'ing, after that hopefully DH will be able to handle things once the nanny leaves at night. I don't think that 8 trips in 10 months is at all unreasonable, if its part of your job, but you need to make sure you have support at home.

CarrieB. · October 2013

I think you need to establish expectations with your work and your DH about travel. When I was hired for my current position, I was told that I would have 10% travel, with some overnights. So DH and I discussed how we would handle. He works evenings, so if I'm going to be gone overnight, he takes vacation. So far it's worked out fine. But we both had to be on board with it. My job is also very flexible and I can turn down a trip if it doesn't work with my schedule.

whynotwhynot · October 2013

I travel for a week at a time every other month or so with the occasional overnight trip. I only have one child and have brought him and a sitter with me on most work trips. It was pretty easy until 9 months, but now that he is mobile it is hard to keep him occupied on long flights. Not sure what we are going to do when he have another child as this arrangement will be impossible...

daisy662 · October 2013

I travel a lot. Typically 2 to 3 weeks out of the month for 2 to 3 nights per week. My DH knew what he was signing up for before we got married and it wouldn't be ok with me if he suddenly wasn't ok with it all. He is extremely supportive of me and my career and understands how demanding it is. He has never given me a tough time about my travel and never would. We have a 14 month old and I am 24 weeks with our 2nd. Sounds like you need to have a talk with your DH because he is acting immature in my opinion.

tarynh75 · October 2013

I just re-read this an realized you hadn't had the baby yet! I would try to get ahead of this issue as much as you can... If you like the job, need the job, the job requires travel, and DH doesn't want you traveling even the small amount you are now, then something is going to have to give. I honestly can't imagine telling my boss, or one of my employees telling me they aren't going on a trip... The good news is that it sounds like you have some time to figure it out, but I would go ahead and face it head on. It won't get better if you try to ignore it. Good luck!!

CowgirlK39 · October 2013

Thanks girls. I am struggling with this job in general because half of it is awesome and half of it is completely out of my league. DH used to be super supportive of this job, encouraging me to stick with it. But he is a bit on the needy side, which is just part of who he is and honestly something I do like about him. We do NOT have kids yet and are kind of NTNP but I can;t really figure out how we would go about working like we do and have a family. It helps to hear your strategies though.

Katelobster · October 2013

I am on the other side... my DH travels frequently (averages 3-4 nights a week, induing weekends, but with dome trips up to 12 days) about half the year. Honestly, it SUCKS for both of us. He doesn't get to see our child, and I go days on end doing everything on my own. It was a difficult adjustment after our child was born... he'd come home from a work trip and say he was exhausted from work and traveling and needed a break, I'd get mad because I'd been doing work/childcare/housework/grocery shopping/getting up 4x a night alone for days and felt like I was the one who deserved a break. It caused a lot of marital tension. I was jealous that he was getting full nights of sleep in a hotel and going to fancy catered dinners while i spent evenings washing pump parts and taking out the trash, and saw it as himself being at work 24/7 while I got to go home and be with our child.
I know the travel schedule I described is more difficult than yours, so it's not the same, but I would not have survived without my parents in the area. One of the hardest things about being the only parent around is that once your kid is in bed (and babies tend to go to bed at 6:30-7 if they have to get up at 6:30ish in the morning) you cannot get anything done outside the house, and its hard to do anything like going to the store at all after work. You come home from work, feed the baby, change their diaper, then have 30 minutes with them before you start the bedtime routine. I had a few nights where I was sick as a dog and in tears because we were out of cough medicine and I couldn't leave the house because my daughter was already in bed and my parents are 35 minutes away.

Sorry this turned into something so whiney, but it's the reality of being the parent at home when your spouse is gone. It's easier now that I have the hang of it and she's a little older, but still sucks. Having support nearby and planning for trips by having a house stocked full of food, diapers and medicine is essential. Having both spouses realize that what the other does during a trip is difficult is also essential. Good luck.

Katelobster · October 2013

Also, if you plan to use daycare, your child will get sick a lot in the beginning. If you're not home, your DH will be the one taking sick days. And if he sick too, he's going to be home alone sick taking care of a sick baby, which is pretty much the worst thing ever. He has to be ok with this, or you have to be ok with canceling a trip. Just something else to think about.

rockychryslerb2010 · October 2013

Lately, I've been gone 1-2 nights a week for the last few months. Travel isn't officially part of my job, so it various depending on projects and client need. Just so happens I need to be onsite for many different things the last few months, so it has been rough. This also explains why I haven't been around much lately!

I am lucky and my first year back from work I didn't have to travel too much. I did a lot of day trips, which honestly sucked with pumping, and a baby who didn't sleep through the night until 13 months. It was a lot of really early mornings, late nights and 3am nursing sessions. But, I made it work and it was my choice not to stay overnight the first year so I could be home for the 3am sessions.

Now my travel has picked up again, and having a supportive husband and a larger support network has made it OK. My husband has a crazy job too, so we decided to go with a nanny. She is amazing and will start earlier and work later while I'm traveling to help out H. She also does laundry and cleans playroom / kitchen, so that helps out a bunch too.

Also, don't be surprised if things change once you have LO. Maybe traveling and being away sounds like something you're OK with now, but maybe it won't be when baby is here. So have the discussions now, make some tentative plans, but don't make anything permanent until baby is here.

sdlaura · October 2013

Lurker here, but I travel on average once a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. It couldn't work if I didn't have a supportive DH with some schedule flexibility. His normal work schedule is 6 am-4 pm, but our daycare provider (an in-home) doesn't open till 7:30, so we pay her to take DD an hour early on the mornings I'm out of town and DH goes in an hour late. We were incredibly lucky that DD slept through the night from the time I went back to work at 3 months, but now we're expecting baby #2 (they will be under 18 months apart), so the travel is about to get more difficult. I figure we will hire someone to help him in the evenings if necessary. Using an in-home daycare has been good because DD hasn't gotten sick much. One thing that didn't work out for me because of the work travel was EBFing/pumping long-term. We EBF during my 3-month leave, but once I went back to work, the pumping in airport/airplane bathrooms on long flights, dealing with refrigeration, cleaning pump parts in hotel rooms, etc was just too much for me,

MKDee · October 2013

I traveled about as much as you do, and DH traveled at least once per week when DS1 was a baby. It was hard, but we made it work. I knew I didn't want to do that schedule forever, but it was doable, so we both took the time to look for the right opportunities. It took me a year, and it took DH 2 years, but we both ended up in different roles with less travel, which has made life easier! My biggest piece of advice would be to be flexible, and not to have any responsibilities that are "just yours" or "just DH's.". We did some bottle-feeding right from the start, and DH was just as good at getting our son to sleep or changing a diaper as I was. I missed him like crazy when I travelled, but it was my issue, not a concern with his level of care.

st.augbride · October 2013

I used to travel a lot for work before having kids and could never do it now. Though when I was gone it was for 2-3 weeks at a time. Still, the night routine is hard and both eh and I fear the thought of doing it alone. It was possible with 1 kid but now with 2, forget it. Ds was easier at night so travel was doable when needed, but dd is a different story. She still nurses at night and sleeps next to me so it would be very hard on dh for me to be gone right now. And in general, I'm just tired and while I still love my job, it just isn't as important as it used to be before kids. If I were you I would use this time to investigate other options at work and then when you do get pregnant, use that as an opportunity to try to transition away from so much travel. If your dh has a hard time now, it will be very rough when you have a baby.

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