Lost faith in God

Number2forus · October 2013

I am really struggling with my faith in god and am even questioning his existence. I was raised catholic. When this first started happening last Friday we had hundreds of people praying. What is the point of praying? It didn't do anything to save my baby! And there was time for God to intervene. It doesn't make sense how babies are born into horrible situations with horrible parents. Parents who neglect and abuse them, parents who can't care for them. Then there is my his and and I. We love each other so much, we are financially stable, come from great families, I am a stay at home mom to our son, we have amazing families, my field is even child development. This baby would have been born into so much love and security. If there is a god, why would he allow this to happen to me and then put other babies in awful situations?!?! Has anyone else had these questions? Have you found answers?

bunnybun4 · October 2013

I just sent you a pm

shandorfml2 · October 2013

I can't speak for everyone, but I think lots of loss parents go through this. I was VERY angry at god the first few months. It isn't fair. We didn't deserve for our babies to die, and we aren't being punished. I really haven't found answers, aside that I know my baby is safe, and I will see her again. I feel her with me. (((((hugs)))))) I hope you can find peace though it will take time.

Alishapower77 · October 2013

I had two mc before I had my son. I would ask myself this same thing all the time. I'm not a super religious person but I do believe in god. I honestly believe god only gives you what you can handle. I'm very very sorry for your loss and hope you and you dh have a safe recovery both physically and emotionally. Big hugs.

Noethola · October 2013

There is nothing that will shake your faith like losing a baby.

Here is my take on my understanding of God. Im no theologian, and there may be lots of people who disagree with me.

God did not point to you and cause your baby to die. I can not believe that. When sin entered the world, death entered the world, disease and heartache entered the world. There are things that happen in life that are unfair, not right and go against the perfect world that God created originally. Yes, it absolutely sucks that we are all under that "umbrella". Bad things happen to the best of people. And unfortunately, really good things happen to people who do not deserve it...at all. Look at the world universally. There are many places that babies are born, from palaces to huts. There are also as many places that babies die.

God sent Jesus as his answer to all the chaos that ensued because of all the pain/heartache/sin. He gave us a reason to be able to at least HOPE to see our babies again, that there will be a perfect world again. I absolutely believe that every little soul goes to heaven, and I cannot wait to see my daughter. People always ask "Will you ask God why it happened?" My answer seems to stop them, because my answer is "No." You see, it wont matter then why it happened. My question will simply be "Where is she??"

Putting a request before God in the form of a prayer does not automatically mean it is going to be answered according to the way we want it answered. But that doesnt mean prayer is meaningless. People are praying for you still. While it will not bring your daughter to you, there is still a lot of peace that can come from prayer and faith. Its knowing that you will get to see your daughter again. Does that make sense?

We may never understand the why behind this type of thing happening to us, but we can have a hope that we will see our babies some day. I think we all struggle with this question. If you feel like you need to talk it out more or anything, feel free to PM me. Some questions dont have answers and some dont have answers we want to hear, but that doesnt mean we should stop asking them. ((hugs))

Dixon813 · October 2013

This is something that's really hard to deal/come to terms with. I read a few books that really helped me. One was "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis and (that really helped with my faith) was "The Shack" by William P. Young.

It's not easy...but know I'll be praying for you. Hugs.

Carolee · October 2013

I was mad at God for a long time after losing Eliott. I think what finally helped me get over the anger was deciding that God didn't cause Eliott to die, and that He is heartbroken over it like me. I still don't understand why this had to happen, and maybe there is no reason. I do believe I will see Eliott again, and that gives me comfort..

Number2forus · October 2013

Thank you for your responses, they have been helpful. I'm going to try to keep faith. I'm just so sad right now.

schulme2 · October 2013

Number2forus said:
It doesn't make sense how babies are born into horrible situations with horrible parents. Parents who neglect and abuse them, parents who can't care for them. Then there is my his and and I. We love each other so much, we are financially stable, come from great families, I am a stay at home mom to our son, we have amazing families, my field is even child development. This baby would have been born into so much love and security. If there is a god, why would he allow this to happen to me and then put other babies in awful situations?!?!

THIS is exactly how I have been feeling. Every once in a while, I come to terms with it but then I hear a story or see something and I go right back to that. I am sorry you're going through this... I'm sorry we're all goin through this. I felt like the year+ that we were trying to get pregnant we really grew in our faith. But this... This just shattered me. Was there a test I didn't pass? Know you're not alone and that we're all faces with that same struggle. I don't think there is anything in like that can force you to question your faith more. Big hugs.

AJCagle82 · October 2013

I have been extremely angry about this entire situation (as I think most of us have). One thing that my dad told me is that God is big enough to handle me being mad at him. He knows me, He knows Parker, and He knows my love for her as well as my pain for losing her. Something I'm trying to work through is that there is no logic in who loses a child the way we have. It can happen to anyone. My brain seems to know that I'm not being punished for what I've done (I've spent countless hours going over all the sins I committed leading up to delivering Parker), but my heart is taking a lot longer to be convinced.

I go back and forth with my feelings towards God. I'm so angry that he allowed her to be taken from me, but I'm so thankful that he let me have her for the little time I did. I hate that he allowed my husband and myself to have to endure this pain, but I'm so thankful for the peace and strength He gave me to get through it. There were moments while I was in the hospital that I felt a strange peace and that was the only thing that allowed me to move forward. I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that God didn't take Parker away from me. He doesn't want me to hurt, but we live in a fallen world where pain and heartache are very real and exist. Like many other posters I have to believe that Parker is with Him and will never know pain, sorrow, loss, or hurt this world would inevitably thrown at her. She was completely perfect and will never know anything different. That gives me comfort. I'm still working on being angry with God, but that's ok because He knows and understands that. He can take anything we can throw at Him including our doubt.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I would imagine most of us here understand and have to work through similar feelings. Try not to beat yourself up about it either. What you're feeling is completely normal. I hope you are able to find some peace. Don't be scared to ask Him questions or tell Him exactly how you're feeling. He is big enough to handle it and love you through it.

elephantsonpatrol · October 2013

I feel the same way. I keep going back to that scene from the west wing where he's yelling at God in latin.

angelsnight · October 2013

Ticker warning

I still believe in God, and I still feel comforted by a higher presence....but, my faith has been shaken as well. I never truly believed that God makes things happen, good or bad. So when people told me losing my baby was God's plan, or that he works in mysterious ways, I didn't want to hear it. First of all, that is not going to make me feel better, and like I said, I just never believed it to begin with. I don't think God is a puppet master, deciding that this person is going to get cancer, this person is going to lose a child, and this person who has never contributed a single thing to anyone or anything, is going to get everything they ever wanted.

I think things just happen. However, that has made me question praying. If God doesn't make bad things happen, does He make good things happen? I still pray, but I don't know why I pray. Why would He choose to save this baby, but not another? Why did babies who weighed less than my angel not only survive childbirth, but go on to prosper and even go home? I don't know, I have so many questions. Which leaves me with the biggest question, what does God do? Why is He there? If he doesn't control anything that happens on this earth, then what is His point?

I sometimes feel ashamed to admit, but I often find myself talking to and "praying" to my mom and grandparents in Heaven rather than to God. I don't like the feeling of my faith being questioned, but I cannot deny that is has been.

sissy2424 · October 2013

It has been a year and two months since I lost my daughter.
Although I was never in the same situation of being mad at God and losing faith. I do know the anger you feel.. And the questions you have for God.. I prayed the whole time we were in the hospital that god would allow a miracle to happen but that miracle wasn't letting her come back and love. That miracle was for me to trust in him and let him work. I know how hard it is not to get the answers you want. I have no idea why my daughter went back to heaven I just know it was part of his plan. It's all in Gods time.. I think it's perfectly normal to be mad at god it's all part of grieving. But just know god hasn't left you and he will be waiting for you to come to him.. (When you have hit the end and have no where else to turn hit your knees and ask God to show you what your needing)

ajsweeton · October 2013

***SIGGY WARNING***

When I first went into the hospital with Elliott water leaking I called/texted everyone I knew and asked them to pray. Our pastor got in front of the church on Sunday and led a prayer with the enitre congregation. I prayed so hard that God would give me just a few more days so that the hospital would attempt to save my babies. Everytime I prayed I had a contraction and I began to accept that God was telling me this wasn't the time. Going through losing Elliott and Ryland was by far the hardest thing I've ever gone through and I pray I never go through that again, but at the same time I feel like it brought me closer to God. I was able to see how much of a family our church is and how God brings people into your life to help you through these hard times. I don't think it's God's plan for terrible things to happen to people, but I do think that he knows these things are going to happen and that he tries to set you up to be strong enough to come out in the end. God can help you get through anything, that is His greatness.

neptunebljc · October 2013

@ajsweeton Very well said.

schulme2 · October 2013

I know this is something that a lot of us are working through and that we're all in different places in our journey right now. How would you all feel about doing like a "Faith Friday" thread? I would be happy to start it weekly for us to chat, talk about a new revelation, a struggle, etc.. How do you all feel about this? Would you be interested?

miarachel12180 · October 2013

I've recently lost my baby at 23 weeks and this too has been running in my head.. how some parents would hurt and leave their children.. while my husband and I could give a child a good life. when I go out of the house after my loss.. I cry endlessly for the things he could've seen, food I could've fed him.. I cry for the things we could possibly give him, I will keep him safe and loved ... but in the end... I'd like to think that he is in some place beyond better. I'd like to think that he is happier than he could be with me in this "cruel world" ... After all... I'd like to think that HEAVEN exists even without me believing it.

I hope to find strength in my faith once more.

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