Need advise guidance please

GHBEA · October 2013

My step sons (he is almost 18 yrs) parent figure (as she wants to be called by us) has taken hormone therapy, had a double mastectomy and naturally lives her life as a man now. She and her DP live in another state. Step son has not seen his mother since any of this has happened. Step son knows he can always use mom/mother. Parent figure has said step son was sent information to read about the change in life style. He told us he got the information and said he read it. We also told him he is free to ask us any questions or call his mom. He doesn't talk about it which is his choice but parent figure is constantly asking me (she does not talk to my DH at all they had a very very bitter divorce I am the communicator for them both) if he got the information how he is feeling. Step son will not talk about it. I know not to push the issue and we tell him to call. He makes excuses.

Do any of you have experience with this? Just looking for advice or a steer in a direction to help. TIA

trisholio · October 2013

My advice would be to educate yourself as much as possible, then offer to talk to your step son. If he refuses to talk, then don't force the issue. I have never gone thru something like that with a parent, but I can imagine it would be difficult. I know there are online support groups that specialize in transgender people and their families. Keep an open mind and best of luck to you and your family.

wishiwaspreggo · October 2013

That's a pretty rough transition for an 18 year old to make. If you look from his point of view, his mom has only ever been a woman up until this point. That's a really, really big change for a teenager (even though he's technically an adult) so it's going to take a while for him to process. I would be gentle with him and like pp suggested just offer to talk to him about it (after doing some thorough research) and if he still refuses just let him be. Keep your eye out for him and watch for signs of anxiety and/or depression. He'll come around eventually. I'm sure his parent figure is worried sick about him, so try to be compassionate when talking with them on the phone. Let them know that your step son knows to call, and he'll do so when he's ready.

Sorry you're going through this. It must be tremendously stressful to be the mediator in a situation like this... Take some time for yourself, too, and try not to let this burden your mind too much. You need to make sure you stay sane through this, too!

GHBEA · October 2013

Thank you for the advice. Going to look on line tonight.

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