Scared...

lolasmit · October 2013

Hi everyone. I am new on the natural birth board. I am 12 weeks today. I want a non medicated birth because my aunt got an epidural and ended up paralyzed for a few months. I know it's not common, but I definitely don't want any medication specially injected into my spine. BUT - I am really scared that my vagina is just going to be destroyed, lol. Yes, I am a first time mom. I was reading about "exercises" you can do to stretch to hopefully prevent tears and an episiotomy.

But, what can you experienced wonderful women tell me? Any tips? What should I keep in mind?

I think and know I can do it, so the confidence is there, but I am just really scared about those tears and episiotomy.

aylafsu88 · October 2013

Honestly, you will not even think about tearing or an episiotomy when delivering. I was worried about it when I was pregnant but during delivery it was the last thing on my mind. I was more focused on getting LO out and being done. In my case there was not much I could have done to avoid tearing. My LO had a nuchal hand and I pushed her out very quickly so I ended up with a second degree internal tear. My OB was wonderful and used warm compresses/massage to prevent a much worse tear. During the postpartum period I was very sore but I was not miserable. Once I recovered we did have to take it slow with sex. I was much tighter and more tender than before before baby. Things did return to normal and according to my H things are like they were down there pre-baby.
I never did perineal massages while pregnant because I did not want any tugging or pulling down there. From what I read pushing slowly, staying relaxed, and delivering in a position that allows gravity to help is much more effective then the massages.

barista411 · October 2013

I would suggest getting some books on natural birth. It is very important to be educated on natural pain management options and what options you have for delivery positions and their advantages.

As far as tearing and an episiotomy I had both with my first. I had an amazing MW who handled it beautifully and knew the damage was more than she was comfortable handling and called in a surgeon. I had a fabulous surgeon that did an excellent job repairing the damage and I have no lingering side effects. With that being said it is important to trust your delivery team and do lots of research and interviews before you settle on your provider. I will also add that my PP recovery was difficult but nothing compared to the risk of an epidural.

Luv2Run1st · October 2013

I went natural both times and would say focusing on keeping lips/jaw relaxed will help you keep your bottom relaxed to open better. Read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. I never did perineal massage and with my second birth I had no tearing and no pain following. Whether you tear is due to a lot of factors but I believe I wouldn't have torn with my first had I been allowed to push when I felt the urge vs. Being told when to and forcing something out that my body wasnt ready to get out.

I would recommend a midwife if you are low risk too or if you go to an OB already that you are happy with getting a doula to help you manage the labor.

Just remember your body was designed to do this as crazy and impossible as it may seem. If you take good care of yourself, your body will most likely go back to how it was within a year postpartum. To be honest, I'm 6 weeks postpartum from 2nd baby and don't feel like I had a baby.

ScorpioMum · October 2013

Squatting during pregnancy will help stretch the perineum. I had an episiotomy with #1, small tear not stitched with #2, small tear stitched with #3, and no tear with #4.

rooftop · October 2013

These ladies all have great advice. the only thing I would add that helped me was when baby starts to crown breath through the contraction and push before the next one hits that way you have better control of how hard you push. And don't be afraid the put your hands down there to provide counter pressure where you need it. A good ob/mw will put counterpressue on you but you know more than they do where you need it.

ETA I had my first in aug. Pushed 8 times and didnt tear at all.

ncbelle · October 2013

In addition to what everyone else said...it is possible that you don't tear. I did nothing special (well, I do squat a lot if you want to count that). With my first (who had a 99th percentile head) I had two stitches. With my second (who was 10 pounds and had a 99th percentile head) I didn't tear at all. I do believe not having an epidural and being able to labor and push in different positions helped.

kcs7 · October 2013

I just posted my birth story on the birth story board! I felt a lot like you did.. its long but maybe it will encourage you??

its cadens arrival story...I did stop doing kegels a couple weeks before and stuck with squats due to a new article out there. Relax was the key word for me and spontaneous pushing. Even with induction. (Story explains) and I was super sick too. Ugh. I didnt post it on here but maybe I will but I did get a dose of fentenol at one point (again story will explain) so I felt I didnt have the 100% natural birth I hoped for. But I tried. It can be done. I was honestly amazed at our birth and I hope it encourages someone out there. Lots of hopeful positive thinking and trying to train my mind to relax and having a doula helped make it possible!! Best wishes to you! (Srry for typos. ..on Mobile. ..)

kcs7 · October 2013

Ps if it was already suggested sorry but ina mays guide to childbirth gave me a lot of encouragement and things to think about. I suggest that book highly.

alimartinez · October 2013

I had an episiotomy when DD was born (1st degree perineal) and with DS this week, the Dr. Let me tear naturally. (1st degree perineal, 1st degree periurethral)

With all, the area was tender during recovery but there was NO awareness of tearing during labor. There is so much stretching and pressure going on, the tearing (for me) was not a separate pain that was registered at the time.

Even going to the bathroom after is practically nonpainful after both births.

I was worried about this too, but found that its not so bad.

mb314 · October 2013

i was TERRIFIED of tearing during birth prior to birth. I had three 2nd-degree tears that required stitches, and I honestly didn't feel them happening. In the moment, I was so focused on getting the baby out, that I didn't even think about tearing.

lolasmit · October 2013

Thank you!!! It's the one thing that really scares me about labor. I am going to have to purchase Ina's book, and some others on child birth without medication. I appreciate all your experiences, it does make me feel better. I keep forgetting that our bodies are MADE to do this and to be able to handle it.

mAnYaSha · October 2013

With DS #1 I never thought about tearing, I was scared of pooping in front of people. I ended up tearing and then getting cut. Once I had tears, it really burned to push. Counter pressure eliviated that problem. A lot of stiches, needed ice and pain meds for a while. Took over 8 weeks to heal and was very tender for a long while.

With DS #2 we did the massage. Not pleasant at all. I did not feel it, but I tore again during labor. Although, only 1 spot instead of 4. MW did a much better job with stitches than OB after DS#1. Did not need ice pack or any pain aid.

I would do the massage again, just in case

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