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theoretical - wwyd

ambrvanambrvan member
in Blended Families
So I've been home with DS today since daycare sent him sick, and I've been watching trash TV. Lol. So anyway, Teen Mom has made me start thinking...

If your child had a baby as a teenager, would you support the teen parents living together or not? Whether you let the ten parents live in your home, live in the paternal grandparents' home, or move out on their own. I'm just curious.

I don't really know what I would do, and I'm sure no one truly knows unless they put in that situation.

I don't think I would want them living together because that is setting them up for failure in certain aspects, but at the same time, I feel that letting them live together is also in many ways setting them up for failure.

I do think that I would not allow my child to marry underage and works discourage it at an early age even if they are 18+.
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Re: theoretical - wwyd

  • CurlyQ284CurlyQ284 member
    Hmm this is a good question. I think it really really depends on the circumstances. If they partner is mostly a good kid, doing their best in the situation, they have a bad home life or are getting kicked out because of the pregnancy AND I had the resources and space I would take him/her in. If any of those conditions aren't met (troublemaker, deadbeat etc). then no. I don't want to invite trouble into my house.
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  • Sunday924Sunday924 member
    I might let them stay over a few nights a week but not together. I think both parents should be doing the getting up at night and things like that. I also think it would be more likely that I would let SS's or DS's gf move in as opposed to DD's BF.
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  • twister22twister22 member
    If a DD gets pregnant she will stay in my home with the baby. Depending on the situation with the BD (good kid, trying hard to be a father, etc.) we would likely let him stay over a few nights a week, but in a separate room.

    If a DS gets a girl pregnant I will not allow DS to move out. Depending on the situation I would be okay with him staying at the girls house a few nights a week if she is living with her parents and if he's in a separate room. If the BM is in a bad situation and is kicked out, I would allow her to live in our home.
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  • Lavender PLavender P member
    I wouldn't support it. I would help out in anyway I could financially to help my child and grandchild by buying diapers, food etc but I'm not making it easy for them to play house. If they want to live together they need to save money and get a place like normal grown ups with kids.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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  • SueBearSueBear member

    I agree with Lavender.  I won't allow kids to play house on my dime.  If my child had a baby as a teenager, chances are high that my $ would go towards supporting the baby, and I don't want another, teen-aged mouth to feed on top of that. 

    I never lived with a boyfriend before I married (personal choice, no moral reason) so I don't find any reason why two teenagers need to live goether under my roof.

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  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    edited October 2013

    NO FLIPPING WAY would I let them live together. Been there, done that. Granted, XSD wasn't pregnant at the time, but if some of you recall - we made the dumbass decision to let XSD's boyfriend move with us and live in our home because XH was so scared she wouldn't graduate HS.  I threw a fit and made it very clear I was opposed.  But allowed it anyway. I regret it to this day. XH still believes it was a good move, even tho she ran off before graduation and had to be forced thru the system when she came back so the HS would not have a bad drop out rate.

    It was a joke.

    The immaturity and stupidity I witnessed...it made me more mad at myself for not standing my ground. They are too immature at that age. In my mind, it's rewarding them and saying you approve of it in a way.   He can have "visitation" and share time in my home with an adult present, but he goes home at night.  NO WAY would I allow my daughter's boyfriend to live in my home, or her with his if I can stop it. 

    Just because they have a child, does not automatically make them mature enough to live together.  They need to continue to grow up under their own parent's parental supervision until they mature, and are legal adults. Then they can make all the stupid decisions they want.

    If my daughter can't live within those rules...then go.  Let me know when you've had enough of the real world or your boyfriend's immaturity.  Because anymore,  99.9% of the time those relationships never last right?

    All I have to do is point to XSD and her hot mess of a life and hope it hits home.

     

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    :shudder:  "Thanks" Ambvran for making me re-live that and think of my daughter in that position.

     

    AAUUGH!!

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • hopankahopanka member
    If we are talking Mackenzie, yes...some overnights in a different room with night duty. Not fair for the girl to be sleep deprived 100 per cent of the time. If we are talking Alex, hell no! I would never allow a drug addict in my house. I'm surprised her mom allowed it....then regretted it.
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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    First of all, sorry, J. Lol. But your experience there is a very valid point. I fully agree that at that age that are not mature enough to handle that kind of relationship. Even at the age that DH and I got together, I don't think I was mature enough to start out. I had to become mature enough awfully fast to stick it out, though.
    hopanka said:

    If we are talking Mackenzie, yes...some overnights in a different room with night duty. Not fair for the girl to be sleep deprived 100 per cent of the time. If we are talking Alex, hell no! I would never allow a drug addict in my house. I'm surprised her mom allowed it....then regretted it.

    Actually, it was Alex and Katie that made me think of this question. In Alex's case, regardless of his drug addiction, that pair simply did not have the communication skills necessary to cohabitate. I thought her mom handled it well enough, though, in trying to do what was best for everyone and give them the tools to use if they wanted to succeed. In Katie's case, neither of them knew what they wanted in life to be making such profound decisions (that's not even touching on the abuse she suffers from Joey).

    I think McKenzie had it right. She is taking excellent care of her baby, trying her best to make a relationship work, he puts in more time than a teenage dad normally does, and she is still following her parents rules and on a path that I think will give her success. But she is a prime example of how, even though she is doing so well, a kid if that she is still just not mature enough to handle living together.

    I think if the father had a good and supportive home life and is responsible and vested enough, then there should be no problem letting him share the night duty at his house. But if he wants to step up and you don't think he has the tools to do well at his own home, then a few overnights separate from the BM at her parents house might be in order.

    Heaven forbid we are ever out in such a situation.
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  • SusanH.SusanH. member

    There is no way I would allow my child to live under my roof with a boyfriend or girlfriend.  I don't care if they are pregnant or not. No one is moving in or spending the night. 

     

    Since I only have a son, we have told him he better take responsibility so this does not happen because it could ruin his future.  He'd have to drop out of school to get a job to support the child. College as he knows it at this time would cease. ( we are footing the bill for a private college).

    I pray this is never an issue for him.

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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    I had DS when I was 16 (just 2 months shy of my 17th birthday).  DS and I lived with my parents and I never even thought about living with DC.  He came and picked up me and DS frequently and we would go out and do things as a "family", but I never considered living together at that age.

    Having gone through this experience, I would not allow DS' girlfriend or DD's boyfriend to move in with me.  Y'all already screwed up once, I'm not going to enable it happening a second time.  If they have a baby while in HS (which I will take necessary steps to prevent: get DD on birth control and both kids condoms) they will continue to live with me until they finish school.  I will follow the same precedent my parents set with me (because quite frankly it worked and made me not become a sad statistic) and the kids will go to college, work and pay me rent while living here.  If they make the decision to have a baby and assume the role of an adult, they're going to be an adult across the board with adult responsibilities.  I will watch my grandchild while my DS or DD is at school/work without charging them childcare fees, but they will pay rent.

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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    My parents had me when they were 16/17, and they got married before I was born simply because it was what they were supposed to do. But both of them, looking back, would never have encouraged me to do such or to live with a BF ir let them move in. Now when I was 18 and no longer lived at home, it was different. I was responsible for my own mistakes. I still never lived with anyone until DH, but that was only at 19. Looking back, I almost wish we would not have done that. I wouldn't want to change how things have turned out for me, but I could have filed the dreams I had originally laid out if things were done differently. Someone's hindsight sucks majorly. Especially when you truly are hair with the hand you have been dealt. Its hard to say you're happy where you are when you can look back and say "things could have been different. "

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